Advertisements

Tag Archives: Wonder Woman

Open letter to “feminists”

Dear Femtard Morons –

Yes, I call you this, and I’ve put “feminist” in quotes as the title of this post, implying you’re frauds, because you can hardly be compared to the strong, free, independent women who are your predecessors and who paved the way for women’s equal rights. The only thing you have in common with these heroes are your vaginas…

… and even that’s no longer a guarantee, given that there are those among you who were born with a penis, but have claimed your gender as their own. 

For the record, I don’t consider you simpering, triggered, vacuous, perpetually offended, pussy hat-wearing femtards, hiding behind your plumbing (or in some cases bathing in mea culpas for the crime of being born with male “privilege”) and eschewing actual accomplishments and hard work, feminists. 

You want to be considered strong without actually working to become so. 

You want recognition as equal to men without working to make your accomplishments equal to men’s. 

You think you’re entitled to the world without earning the world, because you own a twat (sometimes).

You think your perpetual offense entitles you to consideration and respect. 

And you think your faults should be revered, because you happen to have two X chromosomes, instead of working to overcome them. You use your ostensible “feminism” as an excuse for your failures, while demanding special treatment because of it. 

When you have purged the last vestiges of anything that could possibly chafe your fragile labia from society’s lexicon, entertainment venues, schools, and workplaces, you are compelled find new sources of butthurt, because otherwise you will no longer be able to quell your feelings of entitlement by shaming others into worshipping at the altar of your inadequacies. 

Well, I’m here to tell you I’ve stopped paying attention to your impotent squeaks a long time ago. 

When everything is offensive, nothing is, and you’ve ceased being relevant. 

Want proof?

Two words: Wonder Woman

Apparently, the paragon of feminine strength, virtue, and beauty is giving you whining shrews heartburn, because ARMPITS! She shaved her armpits!!! 

And because you blithering harpies decided that armpit hair is “feminist,” anything that doesn’t toe your arbitrary line doesn’t qualify and must be offensive!

“FAKE FEMINISM!” screeches someone whose Twitter avatar is a man. (Let’s hope this was sarcasm, but you just never know in this crazy world.)

“I just don’t buy the idea that #Wonderwoman would shave her armpits,” squeaks another alleged “man,” who calls himself @anothernewdad. 

Others weren’t “offended” per se, but had to air their armpit disagreement. 

“controversial hot take: i wish #WonderWoman had visible armpit hair. she was raised on an island of women w/no schick advertisements”

And this, dear feminists – both male and female – is why no one takes you seriously. 

I love Wonder Woman. As a kid, I wanted to be Wonder Woman. I wanted to be smart, dedicated, independent, and strong. I wanted to save the country again and again. And as a fan, I’m squealing with excitement about the Wonder Woman movie coming out this summer!

And you screeching morons are ruining it, much like you spoil everything that’s fun, everything that’s exciting, and everything that doesn’t comport with your crazed, unhinged view of the world – a view that tosses economics, science, common sense, decency, and logic under the bus in favor of faux indignation, abdication of personal responsibility, and sanction of anyone who dares to disagree with you as an oppressive member of the patriarchy. 

I don’t consider you part of my definition of feminism. I don’t like you. I hate the fact that you insist on sticking your protruding probosces into everything I’ve ever enjoyed and reinvent it into dull-witted, boring, vaginal superiority- and identity politics-filled garbage a la the all-femme “Ghostbusters.”

You want to invent brand new gender identities for yourselves? Be my guest. That’s the very definition of a free country. But don’t think for a moment you will force me to accept your self-identification as a coffee table, and don’t think for a moment I will take your self-righteous whining as a cue to suspend reality in favor of your twisted worldview. 

You want to color your unshaven pit hair in all the colors of the rainbow? Great! Go for it. But don’t you dare stick your unwashed, unshaven armpits in my face and demand I accept them and worship them as beautiful. 

I don’t care if you’re triggered. 

I don’t care if you’re offended. 

I don’t care if Diana Prince has clean shaven armpits in the Wonder Woman movie. She’s a fictional character. Get over it. 

I don’t care if you’re offended that Major Motoko Kusanagi won’t be Asian in the movie adaptation of “Ghost in the Shell.” She’s a fictional character with lots of “shells” as her cyborg bodies. She could be anyone. 

I don’t care about your precious feelings, just as you don’t care about the feelings of millions of people who don’t toe your ideological line and go as far as to marginalize their experiences and lives because they’re part of the whole cisheteropatriarchy garbage boogieman you have created and taught yourselves to despise. 

Stop trying to ruin my fun!

A pissed off woman 

Advertisements

Catching up

So, I’ve been in Miami the past few days. I generally like TDYs, but not to Miami, because it’s a) hot, b) humid c) filled with the kind of annoying drunken coeds on spring break that make you want to climb a tower and start picking them off with a high-powered rifle.

Also, whenever I go to Florida, I invariably wind up with a three-day headache. This trip was no exception, so it made the numerous meetings I had to attend that much more miserable.

That said, we did have some excellent food, saw some very cool art in the Winwood district between meetings, and I got to talk to a class full of high school students about careers. Yeah, I know. Someone allowed me to speak to kids. I actually corrupted young minds. You can blame my buddy Tim, who is a high school teacher, and somehow thought it was a cool idea to expose his students to my special brand of crazy. I did not drop the F-bomb during my speech. I did, however, drop one several times as we walked outside. In front of kids. Apparently, that’s a no-no or something… as if they never heard the word, “fuck” before.

Le Sigh.

I did take some very cool photos in Winwood with my phone, and they have this awesome taco joint, where we got to sit outside, eat amazing food, and get glared at by feral kittens.

Because kittens.

So what happened while I was gone?

Apparently, someone leaked 45’s tax returns from 2005. After getting her acolytes in a frothing frenzy about the shock and awe contained in those documents, Rachel Maddow broadcast on her show that…

…Trump paid his taxes.

At a higher rate than Romney, Obama, and Bernie Sanders.

Wow… well, that was a letdown, eh unhinged leftists?

And guess what! I know you’ll be shocked at this, but not only did he pay his taxes in 2005, he’s still President!

I’ll let you take a woosah moment.

What else happened?

I was watching the news this morning at my hotel room, when they decided that this was somehow newsworthy.

Mom jeans. With plastic panels, so when you wear these monstrosities, everyone can see your knees. Because what you need more than anything in the world is plastic panels that make your skin exude oodles of moisture to sweat up these clear panels on a warm day. Because, see, plastic doesn’t exactly allow for air circulation.

Literally, WTF?

Is there anyone in the entire universe who would pay $95 and actually wear these things? They’re like chaps for your knees.

Perhaps Nordstrom needs to fire a buyer or two.

Next up is the fiasco of a health care bill the GOP decided to excrete out of its wrecked anus. Rob blogged about this dumpster fire, previously, as did our buddy Jason Pye at FreedomWorks. The Congressional Budget Office savaged the bill, and some Republicans are now running from it like a BLM protester after breaking the window of a convenience store.

Here’s a clue, GOP. You don’t take a horrible law, and make it worse by adding your own even more horrible law on top of it, and then expect everyone to do a happy dance, because “Oh, look! We did something!”

It’s time Republicans stopped being stupid, but I guess that’s too much to ask for.

Oh, it snowed in DC. From the looks of it, we got maybe an inch or two, but that apparently didn’t stop the panicked doofi from stampeding grocery stores like so much rabid cattle. It was in the 70s in Miami, and today was a positively frosty 60 degrees. Yes, be jealous.

Also, apparently, Amy Schumer had a comedy tragedy special on Netflix recently. Let’s put aside the fact that she really does remind me of a potato, and apparently has the IQ of one. She was apparently so unfunny and terrible, that the makers of “Ishtar” are breathing a sigh of relief, because their unwatchable dreck is no longer at the bottom of the cinematographic heap.

IMDB reviews were brutal.

This was painful to watch. Save yourself the time and don’t bother watching this train wreck (that lame pun was better than anything in this special). I have never been a big fan of Amy but she was better when she was stealing other people’s jokes. Maybe she search some old comedy tapes for new material. 1 star is generous for this slop.

If this show was a smell, it would smell of fermented beans and disease.

Mercifully it ended but I’ll never be able to get those wasted hours back. Amy if you ever read any of these reviews I have a special message for you: suicide is still an option.

On my flight back to DC, I finally got a chance to watch “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.” I loved it! Not because I’m a Harry Potter fan… well… not only because I’m a Harry Potter fan. I thought the design was stunning, Eddie Redmayne is a phenomenally talented actor, and he was at the same time shy, innocent, and a brilliant badass, Colin Farrell was just right for the role of the ultimate bad buy pre-Voldemort, and JOHNNY DEPP!

And finally, I’m excited, because Wonder Woman is finally coming out this June! As a kid, I watched Lynda Carter transform into Wonder Woman on TV every day, and I wanted to be her so badly! That series resulted in my wearing “bracelets” made of tin foil on my wrists and a desire to change my name to “Diana.” And now, Gal Gadot will bring one of my favorite superheroes to the big screen! And it looks terrific, so I’m more than excited!

And yes, now that I’m back from TDY, I will blog more regularly. Thanks for caring.

%d bloggers like this: