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Tag Archives: Trumpanzees

You might be a Trumpanzee

Last year I explained the difference between a normal Republican/conservative voter and a Trumpanzee – the shit-flinging, frothing, simians, who have no concept of policy, objectivity, or common sense, and who simply toss turds at anyone who voices disagreement, concern, or even doesn’t display enough love and adoration for the President.

…not the normal Trump supporters, or those who voted for him merely to keep the C-Hag out of the White House – but the smirking, shit-flinging chimps who think Trump can do no wrong, claim that any criticism of their deity means you’re a Hillary supporter, and insist on doing their smarmy little happy dance by rubbing their “victory” in the faces of the #nevertrumpers (those who chose not to vote for Trump), chortling about us eating crow or gnashing our teeth in bitter angst.

These are the same puerile shit swaddlers who called those of us who are ostensibly ideological allies “idiots” and “tacit Hillary supporters,” due to our refusal to worship at the altar of Trump. Any criticism or refusal to cast a vote in his direction was met with derision and the math-challenged claim that a vote for anyone other than Trump meant a vote for Hillary.

Today’s Trumpanzees are no different. Much like the hysterical left that shits its diapers at every single word 45 utters and refuses to acknowledge the positive things he’s done so far or simply misinterprets and outright lies about every act he takes, the Trumpanzee is the creature that creams its diapers at every single assertion the President makes – whether true, partially true, or false – swings its schadenboner around like a drunken frat boy, jumps into defensive mode every time it perceives an attack on its deity, has no concept of policy, and merely supports any and all policies 45 advances, because he happens to be the one who advanced them.

These are the people who have no actual knowledge of events, they have no comprehension of economics, foreign affairs, military affairs, or diplomacy. They toss their allegedly “conservative” values aside and twist like a yogi on meth in their frothing zeal to mold policies they would have never supported before Trump came along into something they can claim is a “victory” or a “conservative” value. They are also the ones who hurl ad hominems at their opponents, who answer every challenge with “Oh, you must be a liberal/Oh, you must have voted for Hillary,” and who accuse their interlocutors of suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome, because they had the unmitigated gall to be critical of the President.

Right Wisconsin editor Charlie Sykes recently penned a column in the New York Times, discussing anti-anti-Trumpism. If you don’t want to give the NYT a click, the meat of the piece is here. What is anti-anti-Trumpism? Well, to me, it’s a nicer way of describing the Trumpanzee.

Here is how it works: Rather than defend President Trump’s specific actions, his conservative champions change the subject to (1) the biased “fake news” media, (2) over-the-top liberals, (3) hypocrites on the left, (4) anyone else victimizing Mr. Trump or his supporters and (5) whataboutism, as in “What about Obama?” “What about Clinton?”

So I figured I’d give you my handy list about how to recognize a Trumpanzee – the frothing, dick-swinging, “WINNING!” lunatics who gleefully promote 45 merely because they “WON!” and despite the fact that the policies they may be promoting are the very antithesis of those they claim to espouse. To do this, I’m going to borrow Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if…” format for some of these, but if you recognize yourself in this list, you might want to engage in some introspection before engaging with others.

1. If your instinctive reaction to any criticism of the President is to hurl the “Trump Derangement Syndrome” (TDS) accusation, you might be a Trumpanzee.

2. If your loathing of the left and your schadenboner at WINNING overshadow your belief in liberty and limited government, you might be a Trumpanzee.

3. If your first response to a criticism of 45’s policies is to accuse your interlocutor of being a Democrat/Hillary supporter, you might be a Trumpanzee.

4. If you rationalize outrageous conduct and defend policies that clearly fly in the face of the conservative values you purport to uphold…

5. If watching the left’s heads “go splodey” is more important to you than advancing the principles of limited government and liberty…

6. If your reaction to opposition to Trump’s policies is an immediate attack on the person who voices said opposition or even death threats

7. If everything except for Breitbart, Gateway Pundit, Conservative Treehouse, Conservative Tribune, Young Cons, *insert any other “conservative” site here* is FAKE NEWS…

…you might be a Trumpanzee.

8. If you accuse the “deep state” of trying to sabotage the President by presenting misinformation, outright lies, or completely inaccurate/uninformed analysis by one of the above sites, you might be a Trumpanzee.

9. If you share positive “news” about the President without checking sources, merely because it strokes your turgid confirmation bias…

10. And if you refuse to read anything that might challenge your perceptions regarding the President, because it happens to be published in the Washington Post/NYT/*insert EEEVIL mainstream media source here*, and swear off any media – conservative, liberal, or otherwise – as soon as they publish anything critical of the President, but will gleefully share memes that don’t actually mean a thing…

…You might be a Trumpanzee.

11. If you cannot defend specific actions by the President, but choose instead to revert to the tried and true “Well, Obama…” or “Hillary would have been worse…” you might be a Trumpanzee.

12. If the liberals hate one of the President’s policies, and you automatically love and ardently defend it, merely because the liberals oppose it, regardless of whether or not it upholds the principles of conservatism, you might be a Trumpanzee.

13. If instead of defending conservative policies, you find yourself only saying things like…

“Trump is doing fine as the political weapon I voted for against the Washington Establishment!”

“While The Republican Congress is playing checkers, Trump is playing Chess!”

“I win!”

“FAKE NEWS!” in response to everything.

“…still infinitely better than Hillary,” in response to everything.

“…you would rather have Hillary…”

“You lost get over it and move on.”

“…your [sic.] bitter and upset that Trump won.”

“You have no clue what the art of the deal is.”

“Your [sic.] cluesless [sic.] how negotiation and leverage works [sic.]”

“Feels good to win. We won, you lost. Now sit down and shut up.”

“I don’t care. I voted for Trump because I didn’t want to lose the Supreme Court for the next 50 years. I didn’t count on him keeping any promises except for the promise to appoint conservatives to the Supreme Court which he will follow.”

“Would anyone want Hillary Clinton in office instead? Hillary would have been the death knell for us all.”

“They’re trying a coup! Obama Administration and Obama Loyalists still in the NSA, DNI and FBI didn’t get the memo about the American Tradition of ‘Peaceful Transition of Power.’ They were using their power for political ends, in conjunction with the MSM.”

But he’s draining the swamp!

…you might be a Trumpanzee.

14. If you accuse anyone who disagrees with the President of being a “leftard,” “leftist,” or of hating America, you might be a Trumpanzee.

None of these are plausible reasons to support bad policies, and yet, these turd bombs are what I see the Trumpanzees hurling when they can’t defend the President’s decisions.

And to be sure, there have been some good decisions so far. Gorsuch for the Supreme Court is, in my opinion, fantastic. Mattis, Kelly, and McMaster make up a competent, intelligent, informed national security team. Steven Mnuchin as Secretary of the Treasury is an informed, engaged, sharp principal. I applaud those appointments.

But I’m not giving him a pass on the “we’ll build a big, beautiful wall and make Mexico pay for it” promise – a wall which he now expects the American taxpayers to fund.

I’m not giving him a pass on the ObamaCare repeal or the reversal on ExIm Bank.

I’m certainly not giving him a pass on appointing Flynn as National Security Advisor and then blaming Obama for giving him a clearance, even though he had been out of government service for more than two years, and done a lot of engagement with the Russians, among others, as a civilian when he accepted the position.

Look, people, there’s not a single President who deserves your blind devotion. Not. A. Single. One. They are human, and they are hardly perfect.

And yet, we see rabid Trumpanzees hysterically attacking anyone who has the temerity to voice a critical opinion of the President – without any knowledge of economics, politics, military doctrine, or understanding of intelligence – just because WE WON, AND YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!

If you find yourself blindly supporting the policies of the President merely because they piss off the left, you are not doing yourself, your country, or your conservative principles any favors. By refusing to acknowledge when one of your own screws up or goes back on a promise, or making excuses for his actions, you’re doing harm. Real harm – both to the conservative movement, and to America. And if you’re defending actions that a year ago you found indefensible due to your conservative principles, you’re doing harm. Real harm.

We should hold all our elected officials accountable to the people, holding their feet to the fire for broken promises or policies that contradict the principles on which they were elected, and that is what should be important, rather than basing our judgments on whether or not the left is unhappy. If you fail to be objective because you’re so busy swinging your dick around about WINNING, you don’t deserve to win.

Allowing the left to dictate right and wrong based on their histrionic screeching is not particularly bright, and it reflects poorly on conservatives writ large.

We have a duty to be objective when it comes to our leaders. We have an obligation to question them when warranted. We have a responsibility to be informed.

I realize it’s a whole lot easier to just pop some popcorn and defend the indefensible just to watch the left’s heads explode. It’s certainly more fun than doing some research and actually admitting that your guy isn’t even close to perfect. I get it. You voted for him. You would feel responsible.

It’s much easier to deflect attention for a President’s failures to his enemies, and it’s certainly a lot more entertaining to simply ridicule the unhinged left than to face possible failures in the people for whom we cast votes.

And it’s certainly much more superficially satisfying to shove your fist down the “enemy’s” throat, while loudly proclaiming your WINNING! while pouring dirt on those who take the time to research and understand the policies involved, because they’re not jubilantly proclaiming the greatness of the leader you worship.

That’s not conservatism. The fact that the Trumpanzees are in the process of transforming conservatism into the turds they eventually fling at their perceived enemies is disturbing.

Cue flood of Trumpanzees engaging in some or all of the above behavior in 3…2…1…

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Grow up!

It’s no secret that I wasn’t celebrating when Donald Trump won the GOP nomination for President, and it’s definitely no secret I didn’t vote for him.

It wasn’t because of his alleged misogyny, racism, xenophobia, or any other shit grenade the left has thrown at him. For the record, I don’t think he’s any of those things. I think he’s injudicious in his use of language, and has very little understanding of the nuanced issues involved in our national security, economic, and foreign policy.

But all that is not the point.

Donald J. Trump won the 2016 election. He gained the electoral votes necessary to become the next President of the United States, and now it’s up to him to live up to that honor.

For the record, I hope he succeeds.

Why? Because I’m an adult.

Because for the good of the country I love, I hope he does better – MUCH better – than I think he will. I hope he gains an understanding of diplomacy, the Constitution, national defense, and our military. I hope he is judicious in his use of military force, and I hope he begins to trust the dedicated, passionate intelligence professionals who work for him.

Because I’m an adult, if he does a good job during his first term, I will absolutely admit I was wrong about him and will vote for him if he runs again. My vote has to be earned. I hope he does so.

Because I’m an adult, and I love my country.

Yesterday, I excoriated the hysterical left for their frothing, lunatic hatred for the President-elect and their refusal to accept that he won the election fairly, their attempts to install Shrillary in the White House at any cost, and the mental gymnastics and contortions in which they engaged to invalidate and smear him.

turdToday, I’m going to focus my ire on the Trumpanzees – not the normal Trump supporters, or those who voted for him merely to keep the C-Hag out of the White House – but the smirking, shit-flinging chimps who think Trump can do no wrong, claim that any criticism of their deity means you’re a Hillary supporter, and insist on doing their smarmy little happy dance by rubbing their “victory” in the faces of the #nevertrumpers (those who chose not to vote for Trump), chortling about us eating crow or gnashing our teeth in bitter angst.

These are the same puerile shit swaddlers who called those of us who are ostensibly ideological allies “idiots” and “tacit Hillary supporters,” due to our refusal to worship at the altar of Trump. Any criticism or refusal to cast a vote in his direction was met with derision and the math-challenged claim that a vote for anyone other than Trump meant a vote for Hillary.

These cock burglars point their gigantic, unwarranted schadenboners in our direction, as they project their own lack of maturity on conservatives who made the very rational choice to not vote for the President-elect in the general election.

“I can hear nevertrumpers grinding their teeth as they scarf down bite after bitter bite of crow, and that’s almost as delicious.”

“Crow. Eat it. Think about how this happened. Maybe, just maybe, even learn a lesson. (As if.)”

“The #NeverTrump crowd is still a nuisance, and still wrong.”

“Frankly, these #NeverTrump people are essentially NeverAmerica.”

“Some Republicans are STILL #NeverTrump purity testers. What a lonely pathetic existence.”

“All I can say to the remaining #NeverTrump’ers is, we’ll send you a postcard from the winner’s circle, losers.”

For the record, every single conservative or libertarian-leaning Republican I know who refused to vote for Trump (I’m sure there are a few unhinged loons out there, but I don’t hang out with them) is either in “wait and see” mode, or is actively hoping for a successful four years.

For the record, every single conservative or libertarian-leaning Republican I know who remained part of the #nevertrump movement, has accepted that he won fairly and hopes for the best. No one is pitching tantrums, or clutching their pearls.

rawThe only people sensing teeth gnashing and crow consumption from conservatives and libertarian-leaning Republicans are the Trumpanzees, who are obviously projecting their own lack of maturity onto others. They want so badly to rub their victory into the faces of everyone who has ever opposed their Orange Savior, that they’re alienating those with whom they for the most part agree.

They’re like that nerdy kid, who has decided to get even with those he believes wronged him in high school. So there he is – at the high school reunion, dropping trou and doing the helicopter dick dance to show those snotty chicks from high school who wouldn’t give him the time of day what a monster schlong he has, but in reality, he’s just bared his insignificant giblets in a room full of adults who have let go of their bitter high school slights and just want to catch up, dance, and have a few drinks.

Here’s a bit of advice for the Trumpanzees: grow up and get over yourselves. Realize that he is not perfect and will make mistakes, for which you have to be objective and courageous enough to criticize him.

Understand that you can acknowledge that he won the election fair and square AND recognize that the Russians tried to meddle in our elections.

Understand that it is possible to not have voted for the man, AND to hope that he is a successful president, instead of spitefully hoping for failure – a failure we, as a world leader cannot afford.

And ferfuckssake, stop blindly swinging what passes for dicks in your world, and be as vigilant as you were the past eight years with a Democrat in office, by holding your government officials accountable, no matter what political party happens to inhabit the White House!

Classless Neanderthal Goons Show the World their Bald, Red Asses

(Note: Not every Trump supporter, and not every individual who has decided to vote for him can be described as a Trumpanzee. Some of my closest friends have decided to vote for him, based on a close examination of the evidence before them and a risk assessment of what is best for this country. When I say “Trumpanzee,” I refer to people who threaten and intimidate those with whom they disagree. They call even their close friends “idiots” and “morons” for not supporting Trump, even as they present some of the dumbest reasons, clickbait, and false reporting as “evidence” to support their case. They accuse people whom they ostensibly love of being tacit Hillary supporters, instead of realizing that these loved ones used their best judgment and made the best choice they could under the circumstances. These are Trumpanzees. All the others… vote your conscience.)baboon

You ever see a baboon ass? A baboon is a fluffy kind of monkey with huge maws and red, bald asses which they regularly show to the world. It apparently makes it more comfortable for the baboon to sit, but it’s wholly unattractive and somewhat disturbing to look at.

Welcome to the Trump Goon Squad at the Republican National Convention. That’s exactly what the Trumpanzees showed themselves to be last night after they tried to drown out a speech by Ted Cruz and descended upon Heidi Cruz like a band of knuckle dragging Neanderthals after her husband was done speaking. They showed the world their red asses. They showed the world what they were really about.

Let’s get a couple of things straight.

1) Trump’s campaign not only approved, but maintained the right to rewrite Ted Cruz’s speech. It did not.

I thought that was quite authoritarian, but declined to write about it at the time, because I had better things to do than repeat over and over again what kind of statist schmuck the Hairy Hemorrhoisd really is. I’ve explored that more than once, so I’m not doing it here. However, the salient point is that the campaign did, in fact, see the speech and approved it.

And then, he showed up at the end, watched the chaos his cro-Magnon supporters wreaked, and pretended to be outraged. At Cruz. Interesting.

2) Cruz graciously congratulated Trump on his primary victory. Why wouldn’t he? Trump won. There was nothing to be done about that, and Ted Cruz has generally focused on substance. What’s done is done.  Hell, he even gave a shout-out to Trump’s building a wall idea as something that’s needed!

3) The rest of the speech didn’t mention Trump at all. Cruz talked about freedom, the Constitution, American values, and abusive government power. He talked about the pure evil that is terrorism. He spoke of issues greater than one candidate, but that impact the very future of our country. He spoke of the differences he saw in the current administration and the Democrats’ platform and what he thought the Republican Party should stand for. Do Trump supporters see a problem with those values? Then what in evergliding fuck are they doing there?

4) And finally, Ted Cruz encouraged Republicans not to stay home this November and vote their conscience.

If you love our country, and love our children as much as you do, stand, and speak, and vote your conscience, vote for candidates up and down the ticket who you trust to defend our freedom, and to be faithful to the constitution.

If you see something wrong with this speech, perhaps you need to take a closer look at your own values.

Read it. Read it several times. I challenge anyone to find anything in this speech that’s objectionable to the values we purport to respect and strive to protect! Do it!

Did they believe that when voting their conscience disqualifies Trump as a viable candidate dedicated to Republican values?

For encouraging people to vote their conscience, the shit-flinging Trumpanzees from New York began booing Ted Cruz. They began trying to drown him out and screeching for Trump.

Why?

Cruz spoke passionately about the Republican Party’s ideals and historic dedication to freedom. Shouldn’t these traits be part of the GOP candidate’s portfolio? If Trumpanzees are offended by these values and see Cruz’s impassioned reference to them as an “insult” to the GOP candidate, wouldn’t it be wise to actually examine why? Could it be that the candidate doesn’t exhibit these traits that are so critical to what the Republican Party purportedly stands for?

Oh, they’re angry that Cruz didn’t endorse Trump?

By laying out the values on which the Republican Party was built – freedom, smaller government, self-determination, and justice – Ted Cruz endorsed the GOP candidate, didn’t he? Oh no? And whose fault is that?

Oh, they wanted Cruz to mention Trump by name? Why?

They already knew Cruz wasn’t going to directly endorse Trump. He has said so numerous times publicly, and the Trump campaign agreed that a public, specific endorsement wasn’t necessary.

And why would he? Trump attacked his wife with ridiculous ad hominems. He accused his father of being part of a JFK assassination plot. He spread rumors that Cruz was a philanderer and ineligible for the Presidency by virtue of being born in Canada. Why in the world would Cruz ever endorse that?

Oh, he signed a pledge? Fatass Christie from New Jersey, who seemed to have forgotten what exactly an elected official’s “job” he whined“And quite frankly, I think it was something selfish. And he signed a pledge. And it’s his job to keep his word.”

No, you porcine jackass. His job is to “support and defend the Constitution” of the United States, not to publicly support a Cheeto-colored fuckbag who attacked his family, and whose familiarity and respect for the Constitution is maybe a smidgen greater than my dog’s. No go stick that donut back in your maw and handwash Trump’s underwear. Isn’t that your job?

And let’s not forget, boys and girls, who backed out of that pledge first, and who ultimately released Cruz from having to abide by it in the first place.

Now, with only three candidates remaining in the race, the loyalty pledge appears to be all but dead.

Tuesday night during a CNN town hall in Milwaukee, Wis., moderator Anderson Cooper asked Trump whether he is sticking with his pledge to support the nominee.

“No, I don’t anymore,” Trump said. “No, we’ll see who it is.”

And with respect to his contentious relationship with Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, Trump appeared to release Cruz from the pledge as well.

“Honestly, he doesn’t have to support me,” Trump said. “I’m not asking for his support.”

This face is filled with nothing but hatred and unmitigated frothing zeal for der Fuhrer!

This face is filled with nothing but hatred and unmitigated frothing zeal for der Fuhrer!

And yet, the cretins in that convention hall not only refused to allow Cruz to finish his speech, but also advanced on his wife so aggressively, she had to be escorted out by security!

Is this civilized? No. It’s unsportsmanlike, puerile, and ignorant.

This shouldn’t be part of American politics, but it’s something to which we’ve become accustomed and inured.

I’m not even surprised that these froth-flecked fuckwits didn’t listen or comprehend the words Ted Cruz eloquently strung together about American values, American security, freedom, and real diversity.

I am shocked at how vicious these putrid malcontents are, and how quickly they’ve traded in common sense for pure, unmitigated rage.

Rage feels good. It’s cathartic, and I’ll be the first one to admit it.

But last night showed me just how embarrassing the Republican Party has become. Its nominee embraced the very political machine he condemned as “rigged” throughout the primary cycle, and now is using it to threaten and intimidate those who haven’t fallen in line with his particular brand of populist statism.

By threatening Heidi Cruz, the Trumpanzees showed just how depraved and savage they are.

By trying to drown out a speech that ostensibly speaks to values with which they agree, merely because it comes out of the mouth of a man who has challenged their hairy, small-handed tyrant, they showed a distinct lack of class and a disrespect for the very principles they supposedly espouse.

By rejecting a call to “vote your conscience,” they embarrassingly acknowledge that their candidate doesn’t deserve said vote.

They’re an awkward reminder to the rest of the world just how far the United States has fallen.

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