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Tag Archives: Russians

So Much DERP!

Well, here it is – the dumbest thing I’ve read all day. It’s the runaway winner and gold medalist in the idiot olympics. It’s weapons-grade moronic. It would be a crime not to ridicule it.

Some fuckwitted cock smoker has broken my brain today with his utter drain bamaged dumbshittery. Before I launch into analysis of what passes for intelligent discourse on the left this day, let’s define a few terms, shall we?

TreasonTreason against the United States, shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort. No Person shall be convicted of Treason unless on the Testimony of two Witnesses to the same overt Act, or on Confession in open Court.

Collusion: secret agreement or cooperation especially for an illegal or deceitful purpose.

Obstruction of justice: Obstruction of justice is defined in the omnibus clause of 18 U.S.C. § 1503, which provides that “whoever . . . . corruptly or by threats or force, or by any threatening letter or communication, influences, obstructs, or impedes, or endeavors to influence, obstruct, or impede, the due administration of justice, shall be (guilty of an offense).”

Act of war: An act of war is an action by one country against another with an intention to provoke a war or an action that occurs during a declared war or armed conflict between military forces of any origin.

High treason: Treason against a sovereign or state. We don’t have that in our legal code. We have treason, which I defined above, and which is punishable by death. There have been five people in total executed for treason against the United States in our history: Moses Dunbar (1777), David Farnsworth (1778), Herbert Hans Haupt (1942), Thomas Hickey (1776), and William Bruce Mumford (1862).

Morality: principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior.

This creature Jason Fuller – it would be a stretch to call him a writer (hell, I’m not even sure he’s a homo sapien) – has penned a column for the HuffPost that is so filled with absolute ass-fucking absurdity, that I would be remiss in my duties if I didn’t ridicule him. Fuller claims that it’s not enough to impeach Donald Trump. America must be “redeemed” by trying him for treason and executing him.

Yeah, I know. I had to read that one a few times, because it’s so mindnumbingly fucktarded, it was actually painful.

In just these short few months, Donald Trump has managed to gut environmental protections; sign two executive orders attempting to implement a travel ban on Muslim-majority countries; fire the former head of the FBI specifically for investigating the Trump campaign ties to Russia; isolate the United States from much of the rest of the world; and submit a budget which would eviscerate social programs designed to help the worst off among us. And these are just the things I can think of off the top of my head, without even conducting a search.

I’m assuming that by “gut environmental protections” this gelatinous lump is referring to the Paris Climate Agreement that has absolutely no enforcement authority, because participation is voluntary, that the most egregious polluters in the world almost certainly will ignore, but it’s great messaging for them to sign, which doesn’t even mandate changes to state laws, and which most companies don’t need to be environmentally conscious, because green technologies have become less expensive, more effective, and more desired by shareholders these days and are already being used.

Yeah, that’s some high treason right there, shit guzzler!

Travel ban on Muslim-majority countries… Oh, you mean like Indonesia, which has nearly a 90 percent Muslim majority? Nope.

Pakistan, which is 96 percent Muslim? Nope.

Bangladesh, Turkey, or Egypt which are all more than 90 percent Muslim? Nope, not those either.

Saudi Arabia, right? I mean, they’re 100 percent Muslim. Surely, travelers from that country – from where the majority of the 9/11 hijackers came – would be banned from the United States!

Uhhhhh… no.

Yeah, perhaps it’s time for Fuller to shut his cakehole, but unfortunately, he goes on.

Submitting a budget Fuller didn’t like is apparently equivalent to treason. Firing the FBI Director, which was no-doubt a dick move, but which he had the authority to do, and which did nothing to stop the investigation into Russia, but rather was followed by the appointment of a special prosecutor, is also treasonous, according to this incoherent moist, brown, oily, malodorous stain on the underwear of humanity.

These are all the things he can think of off the top of his pointy little head. Not a great accomplishment, monkey.

There is very little doubt left that Trump and his team colluded with members of the Russian government to try and rig the election in his favor, even if the Russians did not outright hack the voting process itself; while we may not yet have 100% incontrovertible proof of their collusion, the administration’s attempts to hide previous contacts with the Russians, their willingness to blatantly lie about their communications, and the contents of Trump’s meetings with former FBI director Comey are all incriminating on their own. And Trump’s decision to fire Comey specifically to hamper that investigation is obstruction of justice, no matter what spin he or anyone else puts upon it.

Trump and his team colluded with the Russians! But we don’t have proof that they did! But Comey said Trump wasn’t under investigation! But he got fired! But Comey’s testimony didn’t reveal collusion! But we know there was collusion! Because DERP!

And the interference of the Russian government to circumvent our democratic procedures for electing the President of the United States is an act of war. There is no other way to characterize it; this was an all-out attack by the government of Russia on our democratic process, the very foundation of our country. This elevates Trump’s simple obstruction of justice to high treason under the Constitution.

Note the definition of “act of war” above, turnip. Also note, as I explained several times on this site, there has been no evidence that the Russian hacking altered votes in any way. They probed our states’ election systems for vulnerabilities via hacking before the election took place. They openly admitted to preferring one candidate over another. They launched an elaborate information operations campaign, which has been described as “information warfare.” But an “act of war” is not a definition that fits.

We can also argue that Trump’s continued insistence on a travel ban — he’s not even disguising his intent anymore, based on his recent tweets — serves the purpose of assisting ISIS, which is arguably the nation’s biggest enemy right now. Trump’s campaign rhetoric and subsequent travel ban orders against the Muslim population serve as a valuable recruitment tool for the Islamic State by giving them credibility. ISIS’ whole narrative is that Western powers seek to destroy Islam; Trump’s willingness to wage what amounts to a constitutional jihad against all of Islam makes their entire case for them…

That Trump fails to recognize how much he is assisting ISIS with his rhetoric — or simply does not care — is a subject for debate, but it is a fact which he cannot dispute. By choosing to ignore this fact, he is aiding the greatest foreign adversary in the modern world and therefore committing another act of treason.

You can certainly argue it, turnip, but that that doesn’t make it in any way true. A temporary travel restriction on six countries that even the Obama Administration saw as a specific threat – enough to impose travel restrictions on for several months – is certainly not giving aid and comfort to the enemy or adhering to them in any way, which before the Constitution was adopted was pretty clearly defined in the treason statute of Pennsylvania as “to aid and assist any enemy… by joining the armies of the enemy, or by enlisting, or procuring, or persuading others to enlist for that purpose; or by furnishing such enemies with arms or ammunition, provision, or any other article or articles, for their aid or comfort, or by carrying on a traitorous correspondence with them.”

In other words, turnip, acting to secure America’s borders – regardless of whether or not you agree that it will protect our country, and regardless of whether or not it actually assists ISIS (and quoting a CNN story that cites a British scholar who claims it will boost recruitment and help ISIS is not the same as definitive proof that it has, doorknob) – does not qualify under the definition of actively providing aid and comfort to the enemy.

This same argument also applies to top-ranking White House and Republican aides, including — but likely not limited to — Steve Bannon, Kellyanne Conway, Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan, and Vice President Pence. While they may not be participating quite as directly as Trump himself, the fact that they support his agenda and are helping to protect him means that they are accessories and are thus also committing acts of treason. All must face justice.

Well, isn’t that precious? Any one who disagrees with this derptastic shit nugget’s frothing indictment of Trump’s actions must be tried for treason and executed. Got that, boys and girls? Here’s your unhinged progtard, who wants to kill anyone who supports Trump’s policies.

The rest of the piece is at about the same level of derp as the part I already fisked. Lots of incoherent rambling and an insistence that Trump and anyone who supports him must be tried for treason – without actually providing any evidence of collusion, obstruction of justice, or “high treason,” whatever the hell that is, and however the hell it differs from regular ole, garden variety treason – and an immediate call for executions. Because Jason Fuller is an expert on treason, you see, working a self-admitted low wage job somewhere in a small American town, his assumption of guilt based on his own froth flecked unhingeary must inevitably end in death for all involved.

After an unhinged Bernie Bro yesterday decided to attempt political assassination, the site pulled Fuller’s tardsome rant, which is why I linked to a Google cached version of it. If I have to suffer through the fucktardulous derpery, so do you!

In a spectacular show of tone deafness, Fuller claims the only way to restore morality to America is to murder those with whose politics he disagrees after trying them for treason!

This is the path America is on.

This is our current trajectory.

Antifa retards trying to silence dissenting voices by throwing projectiles and Molotov cocktails and threatening political opposition. Nuclear-grade fucktard Bernie supporters trying to assassinate politicians with whom they disagree.” Delusional monkeys with keyboards claiming that the only way to make America moral again is to kill the President, Vice President, and Congressional leaders who support the President’s agenda, presenting not even a shred of coherent evidence to support his insane claims of treason. Celebricunts traumatizing the President’s kid while culturally appropriating ISIS’ trademark beheading on the national stage.

These people want to kill you. I say this as someone who was firmly in the #NeverTrump camp during the election. I say this as someone who many times disagrees with this administration’s policies. I say this as someone who sees what is going on in this nation and carries an extra magazine or two for her M1911 anywhere she goes these days.

Because these people want to kill you. They want a civil war. They proudly admit to be preparing for it.

And with cretins like this Fuller tardzilla fanning the flames of violence, they’re likely to get it.

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Grow up!

It’s no secret that I wasn’t celebrating when Donald Trump won the GOP nomination for President, and it’s definitely no secret I didn’t vote for him.

It wasn’t because of his alleged misogyny, racism, xenophobia, or any other shit grenade the left has thrown at him. For the record, I don’t think he’s any of those things. I think he’s injudicious in his use of language, and has very little understanding of the nuanced issues involved in our national security, economic, and foreign policy.

But all that is not the point.

Donald J. Trump won the 2016 election. He gained the electoral votes necessary to become the next President of the United States, and now it’s up to him to live up to that honor.

For the record, I hope he succeeds.

Why? Because I’m an adult.

Because for the good of the country I love, I hope he does better – MUCH better – than I think he will. I hope he gains an understanding of diplomacy, the Constitution, national defense, and our military. I hope he is judicious in his use of military force, and I hope he begins to trust the dedicated, passionate intelligence professionals who work for him.

Because I’m an adult, if he does a good job during his first term, I will absolutely admit I was wrong about him and will vote for him if he runs again. My vote has to be earned. I hope he does so.

Because I’m an adult, and I love my country.

Yesterday, I excoriated the hysterical left for their frothing, lunatic hatred for the President-elect and their refusal to accept that he won the election fairly, their attempts to install Shrillary in the White House at any cost, and the mental gymnastics and contortions in which they engaged to invalidate and smear him.

turdToday, I’m going to focus my ire on the Trumpanzees – not the normal Trump supporters, or those who voted for him merely to keep the C-Hag out of the White House – but the smirking, shit-flinging chimps who think Trump can do no wrong, claim that any criticism of their deity means you’re a Hillary supporter, and insist on doing their smarmy little happy dance by rubbing their “victory” in the faces of the #nevertrumpers (those who chose not to vote for Trump), chortling about us eating crow or gnashing our teeth in bitter angst.

These are the same puerile shit swaddlers who called those of us who are ostensibly ideological allies “idiots” and “tacit Hillary supporters,” due to our refusal to worship at the altar of Trump. Any criticism or refusal to cast a vote in his direction was met with derision and the math-challenged claim that a vote for anyone other than Trump meant a vote for Hillary.

These cock burglars point their gigantic, unwarranted schadenboners in our direction, as they project their own lack of maturity on conservatives who made the very rational choice to not vote for the President-elect in the general election.

“I can hear nevertrumpers grinding their teeth as they scarf down bite after bitter bite of crow, and that’s almost as delicious.”

“Crow. Eat it. Think about how this happened. Maybe, just maybe, even learn a lesson. (As if.)”

“The #NeverTrump crowd is still a nuisance, and still wrong.”

“Frankly, these #NeverTrump people are essentially NeverAmerica.”

“Some Republicans are STILL #NeverTrump purity testers. What a lonely pathetic existence.”

“All I can say to the remaining #NeverTrump’ers is, we’ll send you a postcard from the winner’s circle, losers.”

For the record, every single conservative or libertarian-leaning Republican I know who refused to vote for Trump (I’m sure there are a few unhinged loons out there, but I don’t hang out with them) is either in “wait and see” mode, or is actively hoping for a successful four years.

For the record, every single conservative or libertarian-leaning Republican I know who remained part of the #nevertrump movement, has accepted that he won fairly and hopes for the best. No one is pitching tantrums, or clutching their pearls.

rawThe only people sensing teeth gnashing and crow consumption from conservatives and libertarian-leaning Republicans are the Trumpanzees, who are obviously projecting their own lack of maturity onto others. They want so badly to rub their victory into the faces of everyone who has ever opposed their Orange Savior, that they’re alienating those with whom they for the most part agree.

They’re like that nerdy kid, who has decided to get even with those he believes wronged him in high school. So there he is – at the high school reunion, dropping trou and doing the helicopter dick dance to show those snotty chicks from high school who wouldn’t give him the time of day what a monster schlong he has, but in reality, he’s just bared his insignificant giblets in a room full of adults who have let go of their bitter high school slights and just want to catch up, dance, and have a few drinks.

Here’s a bit of advice for the Trumpanzees: grow up and get over yourselves. Realize that he is not perfect and will make mistakes, for which you have to be objective and courageous enough to criticize him.

Understand that you can acknowledge that he won the election fair and square AND recognize that the Russians tried to meddle in our elections.

Understand that it is possible to not have voted for the man, AND to hope that he is a successful president, instead of spitefully hoping for failure – a failure we, as a world leader cannot afford.

And ferfuckssake, stop blindly swinging what passes for dicks in your world, and be as vigilant as you were the past eight years with a Democrat in office, by holding your government officials accountable, no matter what political party happens to inhabit the White House!

You know you’re a Russian growing up in the US if… (includes Russian phrases for my Russian-speaking friends)

My awesome dad just sent me this email about growing up Russian in America, and it’s true… oh SO true!

You know you were Russian growing up in America if…

    Your parents hosted a party and had so much food on the table that it lasted for weeks after the party ended. (Leftovers get progressively more gross as time goes by)

    Your mom tells you to eat something she just made and you say “mama, I’m not hungry,” and she replies “A что? Hадо быть голодным чтобы это покушать?!” (Loosely translated with prerequisite Jewish mother accent, “What? Ya gotta be hungry to eat this?”)

    As a kid you played tennis, soccer, and дурак at least once (if you don’t know how to play дурак, which is a card game loosely translated as “fool,” you should be disinherited.)

    When you got, sunburned your grandparents told you to put сметана (sour cream – yes, they put sour cream on burns – they also pee on them!!!) on it

    At one point in your life, you had a carpet hanging on your wall.

    You can’t go to a friend’s house” “c пустыми руками” (empty-handed) – you should bring a тортик (cake or some other type of pastry).

    Your mom will tell you to lose weight, and 5 minutes later ask you why you are not eating her pirogies.

    If “гавно на палочке” was worse than just plain “гавно.”  That means shit on a stick… yes – on a fucking stick – is worse than just plain ole regulation shit.

    There was no right time to eat anything cold. You were either sick, were just sick, or will get sick.

    There were only three types of antiseptic your grandparents trusted and used: зеленка (green shit), йод (iodine) and марганцовка (purple shit). So you have variety of choices to be green, orange or purple. But Yaweh forbid you actually take real antibiotics!

    “Xолодец” – also known as “Jellied minced meat cooked with eggs and pig feet”  was a staple at your house.  It’s actually similar to aspic (like anyone would want to try a food that sounds like ass-pick), and it can be ossified with other “stuff” inside, such as lemons, gristle or carrots.  Try getting any of your American friends to try that one!

    Trying to explain to your American friends what “ёлки палки” (a general expression of frustration), “обалдеть” (a general expression of shock) or “пиздец” (a general expression equivalent to “motherfucker”) means

    Your mom insisted that you clean your room before the cleaning lady came over, because she was ashamed for the cleaning lady to see the mess.  WTF?

    Everything was pickled.  Everything, including garlic, watermelon, tomatoes, apples and pie… OK, not that last one.

    If you complained to your parents about a bee sting or a mosquito bite and they responded with “потому что ты сладкая” — because you’re sweet — and then proceeded to use the green shit, orange shit, or purple shit on your bite or sting.

    When your parents force fed your American friends even though they said they were full… generally trying to shove something pickled in their mouths, saying “This is typical Russian food!”

    Everyone had to sitdown before leaving for a trip.  This is one of those weird traditions that I’m not even sure about, but my parents used to do that all the time. They would preface this with,” Let’s sit for the road.”

    Your mom would never throw away old garments because they make good rags, schmatas, etc.

    If you could never explain to your American friends the connection between whistling and wealth. This is another one of those weirdnesses I never got.  Apparently whistling causes money to disappear. Fuck if I know…

    The only “tupperware” in your house was old sour cream containers.

    If you didn’t finish your babushka’s seven course meal including salads, potatoes, fish, meat, soup, more meat, and finally desert, it meant you don’t love her.You had to explain to your American friends that your family is neither yelling or fighting just talking to each other – usually after several bottles of vodka

    At the end of the day you had to tell your mother every detail of what you did, including how many times you went to the bathroom

It’s true, folks.  Russians are odd people, but you won’t find a more generous, loving, devoted folk in your entire lives!

Just don’t eat the pickled shit, and don’t think that herring and boiled potatoes with vodka are a weird breakfast.

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