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Tag Archives: millennials

Public Service Announcement to Millennial Men

My buddy Jason this morning informed me that during a conversation he had with his hairdresser, he was told that more and more younger men are asking for their hair to be colored grey or with grey highlights, ostensibly to lend them more gravitas and make them look more distinguished.

I may or may not have looked at him like a confused Lab puppy before launching into a diatribe.

But, oh God it’s true!

Look, guys! You know what will give you gravitas? Experience, knowledge, skill, education, and awareness.

You know what will make you more distinguished? The way you carry yourselves, confidence, style, the ability to carry on a mature conversation without using the word “Bro,” accomplishment, and inner strength.

You know what won’t make anyone take you seriously, you man-bun sporting, sniveling, millennial douche cakes?

HAVING YOUR HAIRDRESSER PUT GREY HIGHLIGHTS IN YOUR HAIR!

There’s no pretending to be sophisticated. You either have it, or you are a guffawing bro, who drinks craft beer because he thinks it’s cool, and who thinks the mere appearance of age is a viable substitute for experience, knowledge, understanding of the world around you, and actual expertise.

Don’t do it! For the sake of all that is good and right, refrain!

Thatisall.

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Newsflash: Millennials Aren’t Ready for Real Life

I gotta wonder why anyone would consider this news. Apparently, snowflake millennials are having trouble existing on their own, so they wind up quitting school and living in mom and dad’s basement, and NBC is right on top of that exclusive!

In 2015, one-third or about 24 million young adults, ranging from 18 to 34, lived with their parents, according to the report.

“Living in an independent household is expensive and the ability to do so hinges, in part, on young adults’ economic resources as well as the costs of rent and home-ownership,” the report stated.

While 81 percent of those who live at home are either working or going to school, one in four between 25 to 34 are “idle, meaning they are not in school and do not work” the report stated.

You know what I did while going to school full time at Johns Hopkins? I also worked full time in a retail store. I started at minimum wage, and worked my way up to assistant store manager. Eventually, I became a bartender and waitress. Tips were good. I worked every night, studied at work when I could, and picked up 10-12 hour shifts at the restaurant on the weekends. No, I didn’t get much sleep during those days, but I also didn’t expect to have a lavish lifestyle. I ate at work when I could. I lived with my significant other at the time, and our weekly food budget bought us basics – some frozen vegetables, some meat, milk, and cereal. I brought home leftovers when possible. My parents gave us a couple of old pieces of furniture. A mattress and box spring, which we placed on the floor, an old, rickety table for two with two chairs, an old ottoman which acted as a couch, and an old television set. I did my homework on an old word processor on a cardboard box that acted as a desk.

My dad co-signed for a used car. I had a car payment and insurance. I paid them. It wasn’t a great car. It was a practical one.

After I left college, I realized that I hadn’t learned skills applicable in the real world. I bartended for a while, but ultimately decided to enlist in the Army, where I learned a marketable skill and gained the experience I needed to eventually get a job in the private sector.

My son is in the Army Reserves. He gets a monthly paycheck as long as he goes to drill. He pays for his car and his insurance. Before joining his unit, he had what was called a job. He worked at Starbucks, and while I helped when I could, I was in dire economic straits myself thanks to the fiasco with hell tenants two years ago, so he did with what he had.

Yes, the job market is different, but you know what? Snowflakes need to learn to adjust and stop expecting that they will immediately get hired into a corner office with a six-figure salary. Yes, it’s a different work environment, and they need to figure out not only what they want to do, but what the market is offering.

Guess what, snowflake! That degree in gender studies isn’t going to translate into a well-paying job once you leave the cozy cocoon of academia.

That thesis you wrote in cishetero oppression of indigenous pygmies in the Seychelles isn’t going to get you very far in today’s job market.

You need ingenuity. You need flexibility. You need the ability to reason, not just blame the world for not handing you what you think you deserve.

Colleges and universities are definitely not preparing students for the real world. They’re giving class credit for “activism” (read: skipping school to protest perpetual grievances that underscore their impression that nothing is ever their fault, and that their specialness should be recognized and honored by all). They’re providing endless validation to whining harpies, who are interminably offended about the world not genuflecting before their inadequacies and legitimizing complaints about alleged “mistreatment” at the hands of oh-so-evil professors who had the unmitigated gall to demand class attendance for grades!

They’re pumping out witless, entitled, unprepared, whining ass cakes, who lack self awareness and are overflowing with supercilious, gratuitous arrogance, and who wonder why no one will hire them.

Maybe that’s a big part of the reason why millennials are having a rough time?

Or maybe they just like their parents basements.

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