Last year I explained the difference between a normal Republican/conservative voter and a Trumpanzee – the shit-flinging, frothing, simians, who have no concept of policy, objectivity, or common sense, and who simply toss turds at anyone who voices disagreement, concern, or even doesn’t display enough love and adoration for the President.
…not the normal Trump supporters, or those who voted for him merely to keep the C-Hag out of the White House – but the smirking, shit-flinging chimps who think Trump can do no wrong, claim that any criticism of their deity means you’re a Hillary supporter, and insist on doing their smarmy little happy dance by rubbing their “victory” in the faces of the #nevertrumpers (those who chose not to vote for Trump), chortling about us eating crow or gnashing our teeth in bitter angst.
These are the same puerile shit swaddlers who called those of us who are ostensibly ideological allies “idiots” and “tacit Hillary supporters,” due to our refusal to worship at the altar of Trump. Any criticism or refusal to cast a vote in his direction was met with derision and the math-challenged claim that a vote for anyone other than Trump meant a vote for Hillary.
Today’s Trumpanzees are no different. Much like the hysterical left that shits its diapers at every single word 45 utters and refuses to acknowledge the positive things he’s done so far or simply misinterprets and outright lies about every act he takes, the Trumpanzee is the creature that creams its diapers at every single assertion the President makes – whether true, partially true, or false – swings its schadenboner around like a drunken frat boy, jumps into defensive mode every time it perceives an attack on its deity, has no concept of policy, and merely supports any and all policies 45 advances, because he happens to be the one who advanced them.
These are the people who have no actual knowledge of events, they have no comprehension of economics, foreign affairs, military affairs, or diplomacy. They toss their allegedly “conservative” values aside and twist like a yogi on meth in their frothing zeal to mold policies they would have never supported before Trump came along into something they can claim is a “victory” or a “conservative” value. They are also the ones who hurl ad hominems at their opponents, who answer every challenge with “Oh, you must be a liberal/Oh, you must have voted for Hillary,” and who accuse their interlocutors of suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome, because they had the unmitigated gall to be critical of the President.
Right Wisconsin editor Charlie Sykes recently penned a column in the New York Times, discussing anti-anti-Trumpism. If you don’t want to give the NYT a click, the meat of the piece is here. What is anti-anti-Trumpism? Well, to me, it’s a nicer way of describing the Trumpanzee.
Here is how it works: Rather than defend President Trump’s specific actions, his conservative champions change the subject to (1) the biased “fake news” media, (2) over-the-top liberals, (3) hypocrites on the left, (4) anyone else victimizing Mr. Trump or his supporters and (5) whataboutism, as in “What about Obama?” “What about Clinton?”
So I figured I’d give you my handy list about how to recognize a Trumpanzee – the frothing, dick-swinging, “WINNING!” lunatics who gleefully promote 45 merely because they “WON!” and despite the fact that the policies they may be promoting are the very antithesis of those they claim to espouse. To do this, I’m going to borrow Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if…” format for some of these, but if you recognize yourself in this list, you might want to engage in some introspection before engaging with others.
1. If your instinctive reaction to any criticism of the President is to hurl the “Trump Derangement Syndrome” (TDS) accusation, you might be a Trumpanzee.
2. If your loathing of the left and your schadenboner at WINNING overshadow your belief in liberty and limited government, you might be a Trumpanzee.
3. If your first response to a criticism of 45’s policies is to accuse your interlocutor of being a Democrat/Hillary supporter, you might be a Trumpanzee.
4. If you rationalize outrageous conduct and defend policies that clearly fly in the face of the conservative values you purport to uphold…
5. If watching the left’s heads “go splodey” is more important to you than advancing the principles of limited government and liberty…
6. If your reaction to opposition to Trump’s policies is an immediate attack on the person who voices said opposition or even death threats…
7. If everything except for Breitbart, Gateway Pundit, Conservative Treehouse, Conservative Tribune, Young Cons, *insert any other “conservative” site here* is FAKE NEWS…
…you might be a Trumpanzee.
8. If you accuse the “deep state” of trying to sabotage the President by presenting misinformation, outright lies, or completely inaccurate/uninformed analysis by one of the above sites, you might be a Trumpanzee.
9. If you share positive “news” about the President without checking sources, merely because it strokes your turgid confirmation bias…
10. And if you refuse to read anything that might challenge your perceptions regarding the President, because it happens to be published in the Washington Post/NYT/*insert EEEVIL mainstream media source here*, and swear off any media – conservative, liberal, or otherwise – as soon as they publish anything critical of the President, but will gleefully share memes that don’t actually mean a thing…
…You might be a Trumpanzee.
11. If you cannot defend specific actions by the President, but choose instead to revert to the tried and true “Well, Obama…” or “Hillary would have been worse…” you might be a Trumpanzee.
12. If the liberals hate one of the President’s policies, and you automatically love and ardently defend it, merely because the liberals oppose it, regardless of whether or not it upholds the principles of conservatism, you might be a Trumpanzee.
13. If instead of defending conservative policies, you find yourself only saying things like…
“Trump is doing fine as the political weapon I voted for against the Washington Establishment!”
“While The Republican Congress is playing checkers, Trump is playing Chess!”
“FAKE NEWS!” in response to everything.
“…still infinitely better than Hillary,” in response to everything.
“…you would rather have Hillary…”
“You lost get over it and move on.”
“…your [sic.] bitter and upset that Trump won.”
“You have no clue what the art of the deal is.”
“Your [sic.] cluesless [sic.] how negotiation and leverage works [sic.]”
“Feels good to win. We won, you lost. Now sit down and shut up.”
“I don’t care. I voted for Trump because I didn’t want to lose the Supreme Court for the next 50 years. I didn’t count on him keeping any promises except for the promise to appoint conservatives to the Supreme Court which he will follow.”
“Would anyone want Hillary Clinton in office instead? Hillary would have been the death knell for us all.”
“They’re trying a coup! Obama Administration and Obama Loyalists still in the NSA, DNI and FBI didn’t get the memo about the American Tradition of ‘Peaceful Transition of Power.’ They were using their power for political ends, in conjunction with the MSM.”
But he’s draining the swamp!
…you might be a Trumpanzee.
14. If you accuse anyone who disagrees with the President of being a “leftard,” “leftist,” or of hating America, you might be a Trumpanzee.
None of these are plausible reasons to support bad policies, and yet, these turd bombs are what I see the Trumpanzees hurling when they can’t defend the President’s decisions.
And to be sure, there have been some good decisions so far. Gorsuch for the Supreme Court is, in my opinion, fantastic. Mattis, Kelly, and McMaster make up a competent, intelligent, informed national security team. Steven Mnuchin as Secretary of the Treasury is an informed, engaged, sharp principal. I applaud those appointments.
But I’m not giving him a pass on the “we’ll build a big, beautiful wall and make Mexico pay for it” promise – a wall which he now expects the American taxpayers to fund.
I’m not giving him a pass on the ObamaCare repeal or the reversal on ExIm Bank.
I’m certainly not giving him a pass on appointing Flynn as National Security Advisor and then blaming Obama for giving him a clearance, even though he had been out of government service for more than two years, and done a lot of engagement with the Russians, among others, as a civilian when he accepted the position.
Look, people, there’s not a single President who deserves your blind devotion. Not. A. Single. One. They are human, and they are hardly perfect.
And yet, we see rabid Trumpanzees hysterically attacking anyone who has the temerity to voice a critical opinion of the President – without any knowledge of economics, politics, military doctrine, or understanding of intelligence – just because WE WON, AND YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!
If you find yourself blindly supporting the policies of the President merely because they piss off the left, you are not doing yourself, your country, or your conservative principles any favors. By refusing to acknowledge when one of your own screws up or goes back on a promise, or making excuses for his actions, you’re doing harm. Real harm – both to the conservative movement, and to America. And if you’re defending actions that a year ago you found indefensible due to your conservative principles, you’re doing harm. Real harm.
We should hold all our elected officials accountable to the people, holding their feet to the fire for broken promises or policies that contradict the principles on which they were elected, and that is what should be important, rather than basing our judgments on whether or not the left is unhappy. If you fail to be objective because you’re so busy swinging your dick around about WINNING, you don’t deserve to win.
Allowing the left to dictate right and wrong based on their histrionic screeching is not particularly bright, and it reflects poorly on conservatives writ large.
We have a duty to be objective when it comes to our leaders. We have an obligation to question them when warranted. We have a responsibility to be informed.
I realize it’s a whole lot easier to just pop some popcorn and defend the indefensible just to watch the left’s heads explode. It’s certainly more fun than doing some research and actually admitting that your guy isn’t even close to perfect. I get it. You voted for him. You would feel responsible.
It’s much easier to deflect attention for a President’s failures to his enemies, and it’s certainly a lot more entertaining to simply ridicule the unhinged left than to face possible failures in the people for whom we cast votes.
And it’s certainly much more superficially satisfying to shove your fist down the “enemy’s” throat, while loudly proclaiming your WINNING! while pouring dirt on those who take the time to research and understand the policies involved, because they’re not jubilantly proclaiming the greatness of the leader you worship.
That’s not conservatism. The fact that the Trumpanzees are in the process of transforming conservatism into the turds they eventually fling at their perceived enemies is disturbing.
Cue flood of Trumpanzees engaging in some or all of the above behavior in 3…2…1…
I didn’t watch 45’s speech to the joint session of Congress last night, not because I was boycotting it, but because husband, buddy, and I went and grabbed some dinner. Service was a little slow, so by the time we got home, I saw the last maybe 15 minutes of it.
I won’t get into content too much. I heard him say “…based on our very strong and frank discussions,” NATO partners are beginning to meet their financial obligations. I shook my head a bit at him taking credit for this, considering former secretary Bob Gates in 2011 delivered a much more stringent message to our NATO allies before he left office about their defense burdens and the need to increase defense spending.
“The blunt reality is that there will be dwindling appetite and patience in the U.S. Congress, and in the American body politic writ large, to expend increasingly precious funds on behalf of nations that are apparently unwilling to devote the necessary resources … to be serious and capable partners in their own defense,” he said in an address to a think tank in Brussels.
The NATO defense burden of 2 percent of GDP is a benchmark. It’s a recommendation that only five partners so far are meeting – the United States, Estonia, Poland, Greece, and the UK – but it’s not a requirement, and most allies haven’t met that benchmark in decades, despite previous promises to do so.
But let’s put that aside, because that’s not what I want to discuss today. I’ve read the transcript. It’s surprisingly… presidential. Pleasantly so. I find myself agreeing with Van Jones – VAN FUCKING JONES – when he lauded Trump and conceded that “he became President of the United States in that moment – the moment he honored the widow of a slain Navy SEAL, who was in the audience last night. I agree with Van Jones. Mark this one in your calendars, boys and girls. It doesn’t happen often.
Look, I’m not one of those frothing jackasses who believes that losing a loved one in battle automatically affords one moral authority. (See: Cindy Sheehan) But I do believe being a Gold Star family member at the very least entitles one to some decency from one’s fellow humans.
Apparently, that’s just too much to ask for.
As Congress stood and applauded Carryn Owens for several minutes, and as she was moved to tears by the respect and love shown to her in that chamber last night, there were – as usual – a few hysterical, deranged, filthy colostomy bags who took it upon themselves to spew hate during a moment that, by all standards of decency should have been a bipartisan one.
Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, who looked like someone was giving her an atomic wedgie laced with hot tar and ground glass during the impromptu tribute to Carryn Owens, and Keith Ellison, who sat frozen, as if he sharted and couldn’t move for fear of it seeping out of his pants, were two notable Democrats who refused to look at the widow, let alone stand up or applaud.
(Note: There’s been some controversy/doubt over whether Wasserman-Schultz and Ellison remained sitting, whether they stood initially, but didn’t stand the entire time, and whether the screen cap here is of the same moment. Snopes claims it’s false based on a screen shot from the White House webside, which shows both did stand at some point, but I did not see either one applaud, even as they turned toward Owens.)
Other usual suspects screeched on social media about Trump using a Gold Star widow for his “agenda,” because dog forbid the President of the United States acknowledge a woman who lost the man she loved just a few weeks ago in a military operation that is ultimately the responsibility of the Commander-in-Chief! It couldn’t possibly be genuine. It couldn’t possibly be heartfelt. Because TrumpHitler literally has no feelings!
But one fucktastic cockbite went a step further and attacked Carryn Owens herself, claiming she was “clapping like an idiot,” because you know… she’s obviously too stupid to see that she’s being used by the Manchurian Cheeto. This is a woman who lost her husband a few weeks ago. She was applauding in recognition of her love. She was applauding in acknowledgment of the heartfelt condolences she was receiving from the floor. She was applauding in gratitude for the time she had with him and the appreciation and love she no doubt felt from all present.
But no. Dan Grilo, whose Twitter account has since gone the way of the dodo, and whose page on his employer’s site has also been deleted, decided to denigrate Carryn Owens as an idiot for not recognizing what he, Dan Grilo of the superior intellect, immediately saw – that Trump was using her!
The reaction from Twitter was swift and vicious.
Grilo tried to walk back his statement as a “poorly worded tweet” instead of acknowledging that he acted like a vicious, contemptible, vile, deranged fuck weasel. He tried to claim how “moved” he was by all the comments (moved like when one ingests too many Haribo sugar-free gummy bears), but in the end, he locked his account (Brave move, Danny boy! Viciously attack a Gold Star widow, and then run away.), and then deleted it. His profile page on his employer’s site has also been taken down.
Maybe Grilo wasn’t as bright as he thought he was. Maybe he thought “poorly worded” = noxious, mean-spirited, and cruel. Maybe he didn’t consider that his words had consequences. Or maybe… he’s just a dick.
He certainly forgot just how unforgiving the Internet is.
Reasons don’t matter. Actions do. There may be mitigating circumstances, but I can’t see one here.
How can one be so deranged, so unhinged, and so filled with noxious bile that they would publicly attack a grieving widow?
Yes, you can disagree with 45 all you want. You can dislike him. You can criticize his speech, his mannerisms, his policies, his background, his hair, his orange tint… whatever. That is your right as Americans.
But to behave like malevolent, steaming turd toward a fellow human being who has just experienced an agonizing, unimaginable loss, makes you an execrable bag of rancid effluvia. If you can’t even put your political biases aside long enough to refrain from senselessly and maliciously attacking a grieving woman, you might be a paunchy, odious troll, who was stupid enough to think that using his work headers on his Twitter account would amuse his employer.
If nothing else, Carryn Owens deserves some human decency. This hate-consumed bag of shit-covered dicks couldn’t even manage that.
And by the way, friends on the left, if you think this type of behavior will endear you to the rest of America, you obviously haven’t learned your lessons from this last election.
UPDATE: Looks like this dildo no longer has a job.
As distasteful as I find the President-elect, and as much as I opposed him during this election, the schadenfreude nearly makes me orgasm when I see the most unhinged on the left lose their shit!
I get being upset that the person you supported didn’t win. I get opposing the winner’s policies. But I gotta tell ya, the amount of sheer unhinged fuckwittery I’m seeing from some on the left is… well… schadenfreudelicious!
Take, for instance, the infamous Arthur Chu (aka Kim Jong Un’s retarded twin brother), whose claim to fame is winning at Jeopardy and then going full potato on social media as the left’s resident social justice zealot howler monkey. Arthur must have a tiny little penis, because he howls the SJW message louder than almost any other fuckwit, and he’s irrational on the best of days – like when he or one of his ass maggot friends tried to disrupt a peaceful gathering of gamers in DC by calling in a threat to the bar in which the get-together was to take place, or like when he admitted he knew about sexual assaults in college but was too chickenshit to report it, or like when he called Brad Torgerson’s beautiful, African-American wife and biracial daughter “shields” for his racism.
Arthur was a little unhappy about Trump’s victory last night, and he let the entire Twitter world know it!
That’s a hell of a lot of bile and hatred to harbor toward his fellow Americans, but then again, anyone who is as bitter, shrill, and odious as Arthur is certainly capable of spewing that much venom.
Then there was the bitter, unhinged harpy who saw a bright side in the election of Donald Trump.
The rest of the conversation went just as you might imagine.
Harpy: I have a lot of faith in our Secret Service. I’ve known people that have done that service for our country. If he has a good scare though, he will abandon the second amendment like a Section 8 housing project.
Me: Yes, that’s just what we need. A president who will abandon the US Constitution because of personal fears. Nice. Not.
Harpy: Nicki Kenyon , you think he wouldn’t? He’s already made noise about getting rid of the First. He’s not above tinkering.
Me: Oh, I’m sure he would. What I’m appalled at is your apparent joy at it.
Harpy: I would be absolutely jubilant if we had some sensible gun control. I really don’t see an upside for any of the constituencies I care about : folks with disabilities, people that have differences which are vulnerable to mob rule, the elderly and infirm. Trump has been absolutely clear that a woman’s value is in her looks and elderly people aren’t usually lovely anymore. I look for less societal support for all those groups and I find it appalling. Maybe when Red America loses their 401k and wonders why only they pay taxes, and why won’t Medicaid pay for Granny’s nursing home anymore. But gun control would be good, especially with so much free floating hatred around.
Me: Because 20K laws on the books, plus individual state laws are just not enough. Right. Got it. We need to infringe on the rights of law abiding citizens for you to be satisfied. Mkay.
Harpy: Yep. I think about all you law abiding citizens when I drive by Newtown and shudder. I have better things to do than engage with you. Good luck with that whole burn it down thing.
Me: I’m sorry, but you’re a moron, both in your assumptions (which are erroneous, by the way), and your assertions, which contain no actual fact, but a whole lot of emotionalist rhetoric. You have a nice day now, swallowing those crocodile tears and dreaming of assassination attempts on a US president.
It’s one thing to disagree on gun laws. It’s quite another to call for the assassination of a President to promote your anti-freedom agenda. But to the deranged loons on the left, it’s OK – for the greater good, ya know?
My next altercation with the mentally unbalanced came via a hysterical, incoherent, blithering Tyrannocuntus Rex. I cannot possibly do this conversation justice, so I’m going to post screen caps of the much crazy, which came after I asked another friend a question. You see, she wrote that she invites anyone who voted for Trump to “unfriend” her. I pointed out that it’s quite passive aggressive, and that if she’s so intent on keeping those with differing views out of her life, she should probably just hit the “unfriend” button first.
The friend replied that she cannot stand racists and homophobes. For the record, I can’t either, but something didn’t add up, so I asked a follow-up question. The friend didn’t respond, but her batshit crazy, disturbed padded cell candidate pal did… shrilly, using a lot of capital letters.
Note there’s no actual coherent thought there. There are a lot of reasons people would support Trump. Many of my friends voted for him – friends who are black, gay, Latino and female. That does not make them racist.
Well… my little mental patient interlocutor didn’t like that very much. She obviously didn’t understand metaphoric speech, so she (metaphorically) tore out her Thorazine drip, and began to (metaphorically) run around, flapping her arms like a maniacal badger on meth. To clarify, this crazy bitch went on a lengthy, incoherent, incomprehensible tirade.
Yep. Shrew That Mindless Dickface.
I don’t know what “DUHA” is either.
But apparently, this mindless Mega Twat’s keyboard is haunted, because it randomly types capital letters and makes her otherwise reasoned, logical contentions sound like mindless gibberish.
Yeah. Me neither. That level of DERP! can only be reached via space shuttle… or time warp.
UPDATE: The Tyrranocuntus Rex is becoming more unhinged by the hour. It’s actually entertaining to watch, as her grammar and spelling abilities deteriorate in a wave of froth-flecked rage!
So in the spirit of making crazy famous, I present to you, the continued crazy of… KEEP MY NAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!
These people exist! Literally! I’m actually laughing so hard, I’m crying right now!