A couple of weeks ago, I was walking to the office from the metro, when I saw a tiny little creature sprawled on the sidewalk next to a tall tree in LaFayette Park. It was a tiny black squirrel baby, and he was teetering around on his tiny little squirrel legs, apparently still too young to run around. I assessed he had fallen out of the tree, or was pushed out by his siblings.
He stumbled over to me and just sat in front of me.
I bent down to stroke his soft little back, and he didn’t run away.
I wasn’t sure what to do, so I called DC animal control, because I was afraid inattentive humans, whether walking with their noses in their phones or riding their bikes would run the tiny little guy over. The nice man on the other end of the line was probably amused at my near-panicked concern about this teeny creature, and told me to pick him up and place him near the tree out of the way of pedestrians and bikes. (Yes, I assumed the squirrel’s gender, and in my head I named him George)
While I was on the phone with animal control, George decided to clumsily climb onto my foot and play with the buckle on my shoe! George was obviously a very brave baby squirrel.
After hanging up with animal control, I scooped George up into my hands and carried him to the tree, away from uncaring humans and speeding bicyclists. George sat in my cupped hands and made little squeaky squirrel noises. He sniffed me and may have taken a tiny little nibble of my thumb. He didn’t break the skin; I think he was just trying to figure out what I was. I looked closely at George’s tiny little face, resisted the urge to take him to the office with me wrapped in my suit jacket, and placed him next to the tree.
George was a black squirrel, or an eastern fox squirrel, apparently native to eastern and southeastern United States.
I never considered George’s color, nor what he ate. I thought about bringing him some nuts. I know we have all kinds of squirrels in LaFayette Park, including ginger, grey, and black ones. He looks grey-ish in this photo, but he actually was a little black critter.
But apparently, I should have noticed, because eastern fox squirrels are ostensibly the victims of RACISM! The media is apparently biased against black squirrels!
How do I know this? Because some bored, attention-seeking, perpetually aggrieved sow of an “associate professor” (emphasis mine) at California State Polytechnic University says so, and has done an entire research paper on the topic! No, I’m not kidding. I wish I was. Get a load at this word salad.
Drawing on feminist food studies and feminist posthumanist theories of intersectionality and performativity, this article draws out the implications of a feminist posthumanist politics of consumption for animal geography and feminist geography.
By juxtaposing feminist posthumanist theories and feminist food studies scholarship this article demonstrates how eastern fox squirrels: (1) are subjected to gendered, racialized, and speciesist thinking as a result of their feeding/eating practices, their unique and unfixed spatial arrangements in the greater Los Angeles region, and the western, modernist human frame through which humans interpret these actions (Deckha 2012; Hovorka 2015; Lloro-Bidart 2016) and (2) ontologically defy society’s boundedness as they demand the freedom to eat whatever they choose in the city.
This is how far the Covenant of the Chafed Cunt is willing to dig to find offense, racism, marginalization, and other “evidence” of just how depraved our society is. This “professor” dug through 18 months’ worth of news articles, blogs, government publications, and other sources to find evidence for her contention that eastern fox squirrels are the victims of RAAAAACISM in California, when viewed through the feminist lens. She claims that because most of the popular news articles maligned these little guys for their feeding habits, she figured she’d focus her lens of feminist rage on this particular issue.
…eastern fox squirrels’ consumption of bird eggs and baby birds and mammals has similarly made them the target of conservationists in southern CA. In this case, instead of ‘concerns about cruelty’ related to the killing of animals for food becoming ‘a vehicle for ethnocentrism and even imperialism,’ (Kim 2015, 83), such concerns become a vehicle for conservationists to displace their own concerns about species loss in the greater Los Angeles region onto the eastern fox squirrel.
These connections between the eastern fox squirrel’s eating of ‘everything’ and the fecundity of the [nonnative] squirrel resonate with what Subramaniam calls the ‘oversexed female’ narrative, where ‘[f]oreign women are typically associated with superfertility – reproduction gone amuck’ (2001, 31).
In other words, this perpetually aggrieved, constantly searching for offense, word vomit spewing bobblehead is claiming her funhouse mirror feminist telescope is showing her that poor eastern fox squirrels are being discriminated against on the West Coast.
In the process she disgorges SJW buzzwords such as “intersectionality,” “feminism,” “power,” “ethnocentrism,” and “resistance” in order to show how our views of fat women color Angelinos’ views of darker squirrels… because they’re gendered, racialized, and speciesist… or something.
Really. Is this freak pickle getting paid to spew this shit?
Interesting note: I wanted to see what else this creature has spewed, but her social media and her website have all mysteriously disappeared.
A few days ago, the New York Times published a list by Brian Lombardi, dicksplaining to the rest of the apparently substandard guys out there what a “modern man” should be, own, wear, read, and feel, as well as where he should sleep and park. If you heed Lombardi, the modern man is apparently a metrosexual, contradictory dick pickle, whose purpose in life is to do dishes, buy shoes, and plug in electronic devices for his woman. It was an article so ridiculous, that several of my author friends fisked it, including the Fiskmaster himself, Larry Correia, who savaged this sniveling manchild in his own inimitable style! You should go read Larry’s piece. It’s hilarious and informative.
I won’t try to outdo Larry on this one, because that fisk was beyond perfect, but I did get inspired, as I often do by my writer pals, to write my own advice to my daughter on how to be a modern woman. A real modern woman, not the whining, sniveling version of today’s feminist who wraps herself in a warm cloak of victimhood anytime life doesn’t hand her the success she feels she deserves merely because she owns a vagina and a set of tits.
I will parallel Lombardi’s piece, but there’s more to being a modern woman than kitchen utensils, shoes, and flowers. So here we go.
- The modern woman does not need her spouse or significant other to buy shoes for her. She knows what size she wears, she knows what style she likes, she goes out and buys it without expecting her man to do it for her.
- The modern woman gains her confidence from her accomplishments and her abilities. She never allows others to destroy her self-esteem, because her courage, determination, and tenacity do not depend on what others think of her.
- The modern woman chews with her mouth closed. She does not shove mouthfuls of food into her maw, and masticate food all over her shirt. She is comfortable using a knife and fork, chowing down chicken wings with her hands, or using chopsticks to grab bites of sashimi. And she does it all with panache.
- The modern woman does not tell others what they should eat and how they should eat it. She realizes that everyone’s tastes are their own, and she doesn’t need to pad her ego by chastising others to show how sophisticated her palette is and how inferior others are.
- The modern woman knows how to change a flat tire, change her oil, and perform a basic maintenance check on her car. And if she doesn’t, she knows where to find advice and help.
- And speaking of cars, the modern woman doesn’t wait for her daddy or her man to buy her a cute Miata for her birthday or for Christmas and doesn’t complain when she doesn’t get it or gets the wrong color. She saves her money, goes out, and gets what she wants.
- The modern woman takes care of her family and loved ones, which includes teaching them how to plug in their own fucking electronic devices, how to safely use the tools of self defense in the home, how to survive in the event of a zombie apocalypse, how to make a basic meal, budgeting, writing a resume, and dealing with self-important assholes who want to tell you how to live your life with aplomb.
- The modern woman doesn’t presume to tell others what kitchen gadgets to buy, what kind of food to eat, what kind of beverages to drink, what kind of vocabulary to use, or what kind of shoes or clothing to wear. She lives her own life as an independent human being – with or without a significant other – without making judgments on others’ choices if they don’t impact her own life.
- The modern woman can take constructive criticism without claiming grievances against her womanhood or dignity. She certainly doesn’t claim that criticism on social media gave her PTSD or made her bedridden and in fear for her mental state.
- The modern woman refuses to be treated as a victim. She understands her vulnerabilities and weaknesses and works to overcome them, instead of using them as excuses for her lack of achievement and success.
- The modern woman does not rely on her plumbing to help her succeed. She relies on her intellect. And she certainly doesn’t blame alleged hatred for said plumbing on her failures. She doesn’t use her tits in lieu of smarts and abilities.
- The modern woman knows how to defend herself and doesn’t hide behind her man. She complements his firepower with her own.
- The modern woman strives for knowledge. She understands she has a lot to learn, and is willing to learn it from any source available. She doesn’t shun knowledge because it comes from the wrong gender or skin color. She does not take offense at being wrong. She takes it as a learning opportunity.
- The modern woman takes responsibility for her own actions and accepts the consequences. She does not blather about privilege. She merely acknowledges her mistakes, corrects them, and moves on. The maximum effective range of an excuse is and always has been zero.
- The modern woman doesn’t suffer in cripplingly uncomfortable clothing and shoes, so that others will ooh and aah about how hot she is. She knows how to be comfortable and look her best without wobbling around in stripper heels like a clumsy newborn calf. And by the way, she also knows appropriate clothing styles for the office, the home, the party, or the wedding without trying to wear spandex skirts short enough to show off her labia to work.
- The modern woman doesn’t complain if a man opens a car door for her. She’s capable of doing so herself, and secure in the knowledge that he is being polite, not condescending.
- The modern woman doesn’t choose a man who wants to whip out a yard stick to prove how manly he is. She doesn’t need him to shield her, to coddle her, or to pay her way. She wants a partner, not a daddy. She wants a best friend, not a leech. She wants him to appreciate her intellect, her femininity, her wit, and her humor, but doesn’t try to alter the best in her to fit his perceptions. Same goes for lesbians, but sans yard stick.
- The modern woman can drive a stick shift and kill her own spiders.
- The modern woman doesn’t draw validation about her worth from others’ opinions.
- The modern woman is realistic. She knows she is physically and mentally different from men, and doesn’t get offended when others acknowledge that fact.
- The modern woman isn’t afraid of bad words, but she uses them as a supplement to her point, not as a substitute for it.
- The modern woman doesn’t want to be a protected class or a special interest group.
- The modern woman doesn’t view sex as something sinful and embarrassing to titter ashamedly about with her friends. She embraces her sexuality and her desires, she’s proud of being a sexual being, but doesn’t try to use sex to boost her self esteem, mitigate her feelings of mediocrity, or manipulate her partner.
- The modern woman isn’t afraid to show off her body, but doesn’t dress like a cheap whore to do so. And she knows and understands the difference.
- The modern woman respects the man who reads news and knows what’s going on in the world. And she doesn’t give a rat’s flying ass whether he reads said news on his phone, his e-reader, or in paper form.
- The modern woman enjoys spending time with her significant other, discussing any topic they both find interesting, and not worrying about whether or not his Kenneth Cole oxfords make noise on whatever floor they both decide is best for their home.
- The modern woman cries if she feels the need to do so, but doesn’t use those tears as a weapon against the world, a tool of manipulation, or a way to gain attention. Emotion is a deeply personal thing, especially when it involves tears – be it of joy or sorrow. To use those tears to manipulate others into doing your bidding is reprehensible.
Feel free to add your own points in the comments and send this to those who may need some practical advice.
UPDATE: The beautiful and talented Cedar Sanderson crowdsourced her article about the modern woman, and the replies are glorious to behold! Go. Read. Enjoy.
UPDATE ZEE SECOND: I just found out Chicks on the Right also linked to this piece, as well as Larry’s. Thank you, ladies. I’m honored!
For those of you who don’t know, I’m a huge fan of “The Walking Dead.” It took me a while to get into it, because I always thought zombies were overdone. But the Redhead and Rob both pestered me until I sat down and watched it. And now, I’m an avid fan.
The show focuses on a post-apocalyptic United States, where a group of southerners fight to survive hordes of flesh-eating zombies and other people. What I like about this show is that the zombies are simply a part of the landscape. The virus that lives in all human beings attacks their brains after they die, turning them into munching machines. But really, the zombies are the environment of the show. The real danger is the other people – people who are cowardly, evil, dumb, treacherous, power-hungry, and every other fault that human beings normally exhibit – those faults are magnified in conditions where the infrastructure has crumbled and government doesn’t exist at any level.
“The Walking Dead” is one of the best written shows out there. It injects gritty realism into what is an otherwise unlikely scenario about zombies stumbling around the countryside and feasting on flesh. Yes, children would die. Yes, a mother could conceivably be forced to deliver a child via Cesarian section with no anesthesia. Yes, that mother would die in the process, and her son could very well be forced to put a bullet in her head to prevent reanimation. Yes, there would be people who turn to cannibalism to survive. And yes, there could be individuals – youngsters even – who cannot comprehend the danger the dead represent when they reanimate, and without thought or malice kill their younger sister to “prove” that zombies represent no danger. And yes, there would be individuals strong enough to have to take out the threat – whether it’s a non-comprehending child murderer or an individual infected with the flu.
This realism also means that some of the most popular, strongest characters would sometimes be killed as well. Such is life in the post-apocalyptic universe of “The Walking Dead.” This happened in the mid-season finale of the fifth season when one of the strongest female characters in the show – one who initially wanted to take her own life to avoid the pain of having lost so many loved ones – was killed by a power-hungry sociopath.
But, of course, that reality isn’t something feminists and social justice warriors appreciate, because WOMYN!
Because she’s an inspiration to cutters and self-harmers everywhere.
Because she was nothing but a prop.
The stoopid just goes on and on. Blah, blah, blah.
Never mind that the show has outstandingly strong characters, including Carol, Maggie, and Michonne, who are as kickass as the men – and at times even more so!
Never mind that a commitment to realistic writing demands that sometimes even strong characters… and even women… are killed!
Never mind that Beth went out a badass, stabbing the sociopathic Grady Memorial Hospital overlord Dawn in the chest with a pair of surgical scissors.
No, we can’t have that, because she was suicidal and depressed, and she overcame that, and because of that we must keep her alive forever! Whaaaaat?
And yet these freaks are still shrieking and coming up with dumb ideas about how to bring Beth back.
How about a flash forward???Maybe like 5 or 10 years??
Like what Lost did??Now that would be cool…and instead of alive and well..maybe Alive and Soulless?…and lack of memory..
Not as stupid as it may seem. They can redue [sic.] the episode. And the [sic.] can bring her back.
Who shot J.R.? Not on your life!
It would actually be easy to bring her back. If they go back to when Tyreese said they could trade and no one had to die and make this whole thing a flash forward in Ricks head. He could just say no, we are doing it my way cause that would fit his viewpoint now. He trusts no one and if you do, people die. So he goes with his original plan. Easy.
Yeah, genius. Cheap and gratuitous, as well as lacking in any kind of realism, but easy. Great plan, dimwit.
It’s amazing to me that some people are so vested in a TELEVISION SHOW, they would waste time signing a petition to bring a character back. Seriously. Maybe they need to get jobs, or hobbies, or something. This isn’t a feminist issue. This isn’t a social justice issue. This is an issue of people dying in the apocalypse – sometimes strong, sometimes weak, sometimes male, sometimes female, and yeah… sometimes even kids.
So just STOP!
At the risk of sounding insensitive…
OK, I really don’t give a crap. You caught me. Sensitivity to me means simply that you have to be aware that some people are too weak, too cowardly, too fragile, or too dishonest to themselves to hear the truth, and frankly, I have no time for those people. So this is your warning: I’m going to be brutally honest and insensitive in this post, and if your delicate little ego can’t take it, I suggest you close your browser and go take an herbal bath, chased by a glass of boxed wine, or something.
I’ve written about feminism before in the context of victimhood. There aren’t a whole lot of people who have spent any amount of time reading this blog who don’t know how I feel about whiny, diaphanous snowflakes, who consider themselves heroes, because they somehow survived the insurmountable hurdle of people disagreeing with them, or even *gasp* doing so in a less than respectful way!
I don’t consider that heroic. I consider that part of life. Life is filled with challenges. Getting over them doesn’t make you a hero. It makes you a human being.
Lately, I’ve seen a video on my Facebook feed that is being perpetually reposted by feminist types, who find it appalling that a bunch of meat heads would catcall and harass a woman merely walking down the street.
There’s no doubt that the cave-dwelling Neanderthals who approached this woman on the street were utter knuckle-dragging cretins. After a couple of hours of that crap, I’d probably turn around and throat punch one of them. Hard. I’d also probably wind up in jail, but hey… I’m willing to face the consequences of my actions.
But of course, things are never that simple in feminism world! The video’s release resulted in reactions ranging from, “It’s appalling that women can’t feel at ease in public,” to “Why do men feel free to demand attention from a woman?” to “ERMARGERD! RACISM!” because the majority of the men depicted in this video are black and Latino.
All of a sudden “harassment” is a thing – a prevalent societal ill that oppresses women, instead of merely an irritant that would result in a dressing down of the offending savage. Gone are the days of simply turning around, offering a remark so caustic, that the imbecile in question slinks away with his dick between his legs, and going on one’s merry way. Today, we must necessarily have a public discussion about how this is just another example of how women are oppressed and harassed at the hands of men, and how this is an endemic societal problem, and how the poor oppressed women in question shouldn’t have to put up with this egregious abuse!
“It’s appalling women can’t feel at ease in a public place…” You know, no one is responsible for how you feel but you. Is it ridiculous that a woman can’t walk from point A to point B without being accosted by some barely literate, drooling ignoramus, wanting to have what in his own head passes for conversation, but in fact is an incoherent stringing together of grunts and barely-recognizable words? Sure it’s ridiculous. But your feelings of ease are your own. If you can’t shrug off the doofus and move on with your day without feeling like you’ve been assaulted, you might be a feminist.
“Why do men feel free to demand attention from a woman?” Maybe because it’s a free country. Maybe because some guys are driven by that great force that resides between their legs and saps the blood from their already deprived cerebellum. Maybe they were raised in a barn – without any manners or breeding. But mostly, because they are free to do so, just as you are free to ignore them, actively spurn their advances by administering a throat punch (although I don’t recommend this unless you’re willing to spend some time in a holding cell), or take them home for a night of naked Twister.
“Showing only black and Latino guys is RAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSST!” This is my favorite. The video’s creator did admit that a fair amount of white guys engaged in imbecilic behavior as well, but mostly for technical reasons, they had to cut many out. Undoubtedly, there are a number of rude, irritating, cavemen out there who are white. I couldn’t possibly care less what color the cro-magnon happens to be. A jackass is a jackass. But apparently, some people are more concerned about how racially sensitive the piece is, than with the fact that the woman is getting harassed. Why the hell should it matter whether the harasser is black, white, purple, green or yellow?
Overall, here’s how I see this: this shit has been going on since the first caveman grabbed the first cavewoman by the hair and dragged her into his cave for some primitive humping. Sure, it has become more refined over time (and by refined I mean that the cavemen no longer physically drag the cavewomen by the hair, but rather use primitive attempts to communicate via grunts, clicks, and trolling to get their point across), but it’s pretty much been around forever.
Is it annoying? Yes.
Is it stupid? Yes.
Does it paint the ape in question as a drooling, troglodyte? Absolutely.
Should it be elevated to the level of a societal tragedy so deep that every feminist out there claims PTSD because she heard a wolf whistle from some unwashed, rude barbarian? Please!
There are all kinds of shitbags out there in the world. I guarantee that for every swine you encounter who treats you like the target of his overactive, inadequate excuse for a penis, there’s a guy who thinks he’s a douchebag.
The fact that this woman got harassed so much in this crowded city doesn’t mean she would encounter the same type of thing elsewhere. As many have mentioned, these ass weasels all were dressed like they were hanging out on the streets all day rather than actually working. Based on their shameful behavior, it’s certainly safe to assess with a certain amount of confidence that they’re likely not employed and come from a background that lacked any type of training or education about respect for others, or self. One certainly wouldn’t act like this in any respectable place of employment without getting shitcanned post haste. So we’re probably looking at a certain socio-economic class of shitbag in this particular case.
Is this a societal problem writ large deserving of the clamor it received, and the obvious efforts to make this into yet another thing that ostensibly oppresses women? No.
There will be assholes in this world, Cupcakes. You don’t have to like them. You don’t have to put up with them. You certainly don’t have to allow them to affect you! That choice is yours.
The only person who can make you into a victim in this case is you.