Tag Archives: elections

The weirdest thing happened!

I know I promised not to write about national politics, but the news is so weird, I had to mention it. Last night’s conversation went something like this…

Rob: Holy shit! The Richmond Times-Dispatch just endorsed Gary Johnson!

Me: What?

Rob: I’m not kidding! They just endorsed Gary!

Me: That’s a joke, right?

Rob: No, seriously.

Me: …

I fell asleep not knowing what to think, until I woke up this morning and it was confirmed. The reliably Republican-endorsing Richmond Times Dispatch has endorsed Gary Johnson for President.

Gary Johnson is a former, two-term governor of New Mexico and a man who built from scratch a construction company that eventually employed more than 1,000 people before he sold it in 1999. He possesses substantial executive experience in both the private and the public sectors.

More important, he’s a man of good integrity, apparently normal ego and sound ideas. Sadly, in the 2016 presidential contest, those essential qualities make him an anomaly — though they are the foundations for solid leadership and trustworthy character. (At 63, he is also the youngest candidate by more than half a decade — and is polling well among truly young voters.)

The Libertarian candidate is on the ballot in all 50 states.

To be sure, I don’t agree with him on many issues. His running mate is a particularly odious brand of leftard. But I also know Gary. We’ve met numerous times. He was largely responsible for my switching from the BlackBerry to the iPhone back in 2012 (not sure if Rob will ever forgive this transgression) by singing its praises and telling me that the BlackBerry was on its way out, and that he was shocked at how easy to use and versatile the iPhone was!

In other words, Gary is probably the most normal guy you will ever see on the national stage. Yes, he says dumb things sometimes. There are times he seems not to have thought his positions through. But the thing about Gary is that he listens. He learns. When you make your case to him, he honestly weighs what you have to say and researches it before deciding whether to change his mind on an issue or not. But he’s normal. He’s nice. He’s kind. He’s funny. And most of all, he’s genuine and willing to admit what he doesn’t know.

How rare is that?

But I’m not really here to talk about Gary, other than to confirm what the Richmond Times-Dispatch seems to have discovered this year – that he’s a viable candidate for the White House, especially given the complete fuckery that has been foisted on the two major parties by the establishment.

I’m here to marvel at just how horrible the two major parties have to be for a major Virginia newspaper to endorse a third-party candidate!

One candidate apparently didn’t realize she was a classification authority, and therefore didn’t understand that the (C) in front of each paragraph in her email meant “CONFIDENTIAL,” prompting everyone to wonder about her intelligence.

The other candidate went to a neighboring country with which we have a tight economic relationship, petted its corrupt president on the head and told him how fabulous his country was, came back to the United States, proceeded to screech that despite the fact his AWESOME, FANTASTIC, BEAUTIFUL WALL wasn’t discussed, our neighbor WAS going to pay for it, because everything is a negotiation. Meanwhile, a surrogate issued a “dire” warning that if the opponent won, there would be “taco trucks on every corner.”

trucksMmmmmmm…. tacos. Yum.

This is the type of choice America faces in 2016?

“I didn’t know what that little C in parentheses meant.” (Even though, I was a member of the national security team and a classification authority, and a number of State cables that bore my name were classified as (C))

And…

Taco trucks on every corner!

Is it any wonder that a major Virginia newspaper chose to give the finger to both?

It shows one thing: the two major party candidates are the most odious, awful, unacceptable contenders for the highest office in the land we could have possibly gotten!

And the most ardent of their supporters – on both sides – are the most frothing idiotic hordes of ignorami ever created! (This excludes those who are dissatisfied with both choices, and are basically holding their noses.)

These are the people who twist and spin, and who hurl turds in the form of everything from ad hominems to death threats to those who oppose their political deity of choice.

Honestly, if this nation is to survive, it’s these morons we need to defeat!

There. I said it.

Maturity abounds… not!

You know, I’m not a fan of Donald Trump. Yeah, I know, you’re all shocked by this. But while I find the Hairy Hemorrhoid™ about as appealing a presidential candidate as the hobo who hangs out at the bus stop near my house and mutters incoherently to himself, there’s a part of me that’s pretty appalled at the level of discourse regarding this year’s elections. The hysterical rhetoric, the violent protests, the threats… what the hell?

I’ve generally kept my criticisms of all the candidates to the issues. Yes, I have my favorite moniker for Trump, but again, for me it’s about the issues. I don’t engage in emotionalist dumbshittery that’s not based in any kind of fact. That’s not the way I operate.

Not so with certain celebutards who are trying to claw their way out of irrelevancy. Not satisfied with the first time their career swirled the shitter after they insulted the President of the United States during what is supposed to be a fun event – a concert – the Dixie Chicks are at it again.

trump

This was apparently on the screen during their song “Goodbye Earl.”

No, really. A song about a victim of domestic violence who, along with her best friend, finally kills her abusive husband after he “walked right through that restraining order and put her in intensive care,” had a photo of the presumptive GOP presidential nominee with childish horns drawn on it while they played said song at a concert.

This is the height of stupid. Trump may be a boor, a narcissist, a clueless demagogue who would embarrass this country on the national stage, and a complete ignorant when it comes to policy, but a violent wife abuser? Is that what the accusation is supposed to mean?

No, in a classless attempt at reviving their hasbeenery and shining the spotlight on themselves, the Dixie Chicks poked their pointy little heads out of the trash bin of life to which they had been relegated the last time they tried to make a political statement irrelevant to anything having to do with their music, and stuck their feet right back into their mouths.

They just can’t help themselves. They apparently needed the attention, and thought the quickest, most effective way to get it would be to capitalize on the blazing dumpster fire that is this year’s election season.

I think what they are going to accomplish more than anything is drive more angry voters to Trump. We, as a country, aren’t known for our calm rationality when it comes to our elections. We get angry and sometimes fling poo like angry chimps. In this case, the poo is one Donald J. Trump, and the angry chimps are the voters who are so sick and tired of celebutards and establishment hacks telling them what to do and deciding for them what this country’s political landscape will look like, that they will fling that turd all the way to the voting booth.

I’m embarrassed to admit I actually liked some of the Dixie Chicks’ earlier music. As an AFN disc jockey, I did the country music show, which broadcast Europe-wide and beyond. After I left the Army, I worked for a country music station. It grew on me. But much like with any other celebrity, I’m there for the art, not the witless political commentary.

You want a Trump presidency? This is how you get a Trump presidency! You block the roads to his rallies. You physically assault his supporters, get physically assaulted in retaliation, and draw media attention once again to the Trumpster fire. Instead of a discussion of policy, you stamp your little feet and hurl ad hominems. You irrationally compare Trump to Satan, and childishly draw horns on his photograph at a concert. You piss off an already angry electorate and send them to the polls in droves to vote for the very candidate you’re trying to demonize, because that’s how they roll.

You want to make Trump look more sympathetic? This is how you make Trump look more sympathetic!

Now, back in the bin with you bimbos!

You want to lose hope for humanity? This is how you lose hope for humanity.

hopeI had to step back for a few days and not write. It feels weird how everything is crumbling around me. Two of the most unsavory characters possible are now the major party nominees for president. I see no difference between them. They’re both corrupt. They’re both noxious. They’re both authoritarian lovers of tyranny. One of them will be president.

As my parents like to say, “We came to this country to escape tyranny and statism, and now it seems to have followed us here.” What the hell?

The NRA has issued its enthusiastic early endorsement to the very man who once accused the organization of being uncompromising and criticized it for refusing “even limited restrictions.”

Cultural icons of my youth are systematically being demolished in the name of diversity – really a cover for lack of originality, but who’s going to look closely at that?

Ghostbusters now features four women with not even a nod to the classic original.

There are rumblings about making James Bond into a female.

Captain America – Steve Rogers – the quintessential fighter for good, for freedom, for American principles – has been revealed by Marvel to have been a Hydra agent all along. What in the everloving, freezing, snot-dripping fuck, Marvel??? I know this is the age of shock, where entertainment enterprises compete for who can provide the most shock value to the audience in order to keep themselves “fresh” and “original,” but seriously, WHAT? This isn’t fresh and original. This is a blatant attempt to generate buzz and appear edgy, when in fact, you’re just full of FAIL!

In the past few years we’ve seen reboots of everything from Total Recall to Star Trek to Star Wars. I’ll admit I’ve enjoyed at least the Star Trek and Star Wars flicks, but I found Total Recall to be a boring, dark, humorless fail. The remake of Point Break was an unwatchable, dull mess. Godzilla wasn’t as horrible as it could have been. Casting Godzilla as a character that is actually neutral and inadvertently winds up saving humanity from Mothra is not a bad way to revive the genre.

Further proof that Hollywood has run out of creative juices shows us planned reboots and remakes of classics such as Porky’s, An American Werewolf in London, Logan’s Run, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, and Stephen King’s It, which makes me want to issue a collective throat punch to every Hollywood producer involved in these unoriginal dumpster fires.

In other news that makes my soul die, 23 competitors in the 2012 London Olympic Games from five different sports and six different countries tested positive for doping, and  31 athletes (14 of whom were Russians) from the 2008 Games had also tested positive following re-examination of their samples. I get the competition is stiff, but the naive kid in me always viewed these games as a beautiful, unifying event. Way to crush my hopes and dreams, assholes!

Maybe I just need to stay the hell away from the Internet for a few weeks.

We can only hope

Well, if this isn’t a reason to vote for Cruz, Bernie, Hillary, Gary Johnson, Kasich, Big Bird, or the mold under your toilet seat for President, I don’t know what is!

Well, bye!

Well, bye!

“They fight like hell for six months, and they’re saying horrible things, the worst things you can imagine,” Trump said during a rally in Maryland on Sunday.

“And then one of them loses, one of them wins. And the one who loses says, ‘I just want to congratulate my opponent. He is a brilliant man, he’ll be a great governor or president or whatever,'” he said.

“I’m not sure you’re ever going to see me there. I don’t think I’m going to lose, but if I do, I don’t think you’re ever going to see me again, folks. I think I’ll go to Turnberry and play golf or something.”

It’s called being gracious. It’s called being a classy human being. It’s called conceding with dignity.  I’m not sure the Hairy Hemorrhoid™ knows anything about those principles.

Now, I have my doubts this guy will ever fade into obscurity, given the size of his ego and his near-obsessive need to remain in the limelight and prove his “greatness” to anyone who will pay attention, but if he upholds this promise, I will be right there voting for anyone but Trump!

But more likely than not, he will still be around, like a persistent sort of toenail fungus, doling out money to politicians on both sides of the political aisle in order to advance his business interests, telling TV pundits how he supports bailouts such as TARP, and testifying in opposition to tax cuts.

Down at the 7-11

Apparently there’s a 7-Eleven at the World Trade Center, and the Hairy Hemorrhoid™ was out there watching the police and firemen there.

Them damn Slurpees. They’re irresistible!

Yeah, I know. It’s a verbal gaffe. It happens. As a former broadcaster, I certainly have made my share.

But this isn’t about Dumbkopf’s gaffe, although it’s amusing on its face.

Do you remember this recent townhall in which the Hemorrhoid mocked Ted Cruz for his verbal gaffe calling Florida his home state?

“His home state is not Florida, it is Texas,” he told host Anderson Cooper during a CNN townhall in Milwaukee.

“It might be Canada,” Trump quipped, mocking Cruz’s birthplace.

“He didn’t even know what state he comes from. Fort Hood is from Texas by the way. I am so surprised, Anderson, that you let him get away with it.”

Trump didn’t just say it once. He repeated the gaffe several times, and hammered away at Cooper for letting Cruz get away with the rather silly mistake.

Well, karma is a bitch, ain’t she? A bigger bitch than Trump, if that’s at all possible. And Twitter – his favorite platform for launching attacks at his opponents – has been rife with mock and ridicule.

Awwww, poor Donald! His frothing supporters were out in droves yesterday, defending their hero.

711It’s a word mix-up!

Get a job!

It was just a verbal gaffe!

Yes, it was, boys and girls. Maybe next time your Hairy Hemorrhoid™ buddy will remember that as well.

Because what goes around, comes around.

NEVER FORGET!

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