A couple of weeks ago, I was walking to the office from the metro, when I saw a tiny little creature sprawled on the sidewalk next to a tall tree in LaFayette Park. It was a tiny black squirrel baby, and he was teetering around on his tiny little squirrel legs, apparently still too young to run around. I assessed he had fallen out of the tree, or was pushed out by his siblings.
He stumbled over to me and just sat in front of me.
I bent down to stroke his soft little back, and he didn’t run away.
I wasn’t sure what to do, so I called DC animal control, because I was afraid inattentive humans, whether walking with their noses in their phones or riding their bikes would run the tiny little guy over. The nice man on the other end of the line was probably amused at my near-panicked concern about this teeny creature, and told me to pick him up and place him near the tree out of the way of pedestrians and bikes. (Yes, I assumed the squirrel’s gender, and in my head I named him George)
While I was on the phone with animal control, George decided to clumsily climb onto my foot and play with the buckle on my shoe! George was obviously a very brave baby squirrel.
After hanging up with animal control, I scooped George up into my hands and carried him to the tree, away from uncaring humans and speeding bicyclists. George sat in my cupped hands and made little squeaky squirrel noises. He sniffed me and may have taken a tiny little nibble of my thumb. He didn’t break the skin; I think he was just trying to figure out what I was. I looked closely at George’s tiny little face, resisted the urge to take him to the office with me wrapped in my suit jacket, and placed him next to the tree.
George was a black squirrel, or an eastern fox squirrel, apparently native to eastern and southeastern United States.
I never considered George’s color, nor what he ate. I thought about bringing him some nuts. I know we have all kinds of squirrels in LaFayette Park, including ginger, grey, and black ones. He looks grey-ish in this photo, but he actually was a little black critter.
But apparently, I should have noticed, because eastern fox squirrels are ostensibly the victims of RACISM! The media is apparently biased against black squirrels!
How do I know this? Because some bored, attention-seeking, perpetually aggrieved sow of an “associate professor” (emphasis mine) at California State Polytechnic University says so, and has done an entire research paper on the topic! No, I’m not kidding. I wish I was. Get a load at this word salad.
Drawing on feminist food studies and feminist posthumanist theories of intersectionality and performativity, this article draws out the implications of a feminist posthumanist politics of consumption for animal geography and feminist geography.
By juxtaposing feminist posthumanist theories and feminist food studies scholarship this article demonstrates how eastern fox squirrels: (1) are subjected to gendered, racialized, and speciesist thinking as a result of their feeding/eating practices, their unique and unfixed spatial arrangements in the greater Los Angeles region, and the western, modernist human frame through which humans interpret these actions (Deckha 2012; Hovorka 2015; Lloro-Bidart 2016) and (2) ontologically defy society’s boundedness as they demand the freedom to eat whatever they choose in the city.
This is how far the Covenant of the Chafed Cunt is willing to dig to find offense, racism, marginalization, and other “evidence” of just how depraved our society is. This “professor” dug through 18 months’ worth of news articles, blogs, government publications, and other sources to find evidence for her contention that eastern fox squirrels are the victims of RAAAAACISM in California, when viewed through the feminist lens. She claims that because most of the popular news articles maligned these little guys for their feeding habits, she figured she’d focus her lens of feminist rage on this particular issue.
…eastern fox squirrels’ consumption of bird eggs and baby birds and mammals has similarly made them the target of conservationists in southern CA. In this case, instead of ‘concerns about cruelty’ related to the killing of animals for food becoming ‘a vehicle for ethnocentrism and even imperialism,’ (Kim 2015, 83), such concerns become a vehicle for conservationists to displace their own concerns about species loss in the greater Los Angeles region onto the eastern fox squirrel.
These connections between the eastern fox squirrel’s eating of ‘everything’ and the fecundity of the [nonnative] squirrel resonate with what Subramaniam calls the ‘oversexed female’ narrative, where ‘[f]oreign women are typically associated with superfertility – reproduction gone amuck’ (2001, 31).
In other words, this perpetually aggrieved, constantly searching for offense, word vomit spewing bobblehead is claiming her funhouse mirror feminist telescope is showing her that poor eastern fox squirrels are being discriminated against on the West Coast.
In the process she disgorges SJW buzzwords such as “intersectionality,” “feminism,” “power,” “ethnocentrism,” and “resistance” in order to show how our views of fat women color Angelinos’ views of darker squirrels… because they’re gendered, racialized, and speciesist… or something.
Really. Is this freak pickle getting paid to spew this shit?
Interesting note: I wanted to see what else this creature has spewed, but her social media and her website have all mysteriously disappeared.