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Here’s a “Revelation”

Chelsea Handler is a moron.

I didn’t even know who this daft bint was until she saw it fit to rudely ridicule Melania Trump’s foreign accent in January. Handler, you see, doesn’t like 45 too much, and even helped lead a women’s march in Utah after his inauguration. OK, he’s not for everyone. I get that.

But this dried up hag went a step further when asked if she would ever have the First Lady on her show.  “To talk about what? She can barely speak English.”

For the record, Melania Trump was born in Slovenia, and speaks Slovenian, English, French, Serbian and German. I wonder how many languages Chelsea Handler can speak – other than retard.

Apparently, only English, and even that is lacking, judging from her tweet about Eric Trump’s announcement that he and his wife are expecting their first baby.

Those jeans! Those terrible jeans! Let’s hope they’re not the mom jeans with the plastic panels on the knees, because those are horrible!

I shouldn’t be surprised at the ignorance of this screeching slag, I suppose. It does bother me, as an immigrant, as someone who speaks multiple languages, and someone who obviously has better command of the English language than this Handler knobgobbler, that she would stoop so low as to ridicule someone whose first language is something other than English, and who obviously is more educated and accomplished than this sow, as something less than literate.

My mom has an engineering degree. She speaks Russian, English, and Ukrainian. She does have an accent, and she is embarrassed by it – so much, that she will still ask me to make phone calls for her when I’m around, even though she’s lived in this country since 1980, and even though her English is just fine. My dad has two Masters degrees in engineering, and has spent his life working his way up after coming to this country with practically no English. He also speaks Russian, Polish, Yiddish, some French, some German, and Ukrainian. Handler has a high school diploma, sucked copious amounts of cock to get where she is, and is now using her significant soapbox to malign immigrants who happen to be married to a President she doesn’t like and said President’s children. People like Handler are part of the reason why making a simple phone call stresses my mom out. I find Handler’s comments particularly galling, given the fact that her own mother was a German immigrant.

As a kid, I was particularly scared to go to school each day, because I was the only Russian-speaking immigrant in the class, because my English was crap, and because my classmates knew very little about the Cold War other than “Russia is bad.” I couldn’t communicate with them. They didn’t understand why I wore the same clothes every day, why I brought only a meager lunch to school with me, why we couldn’t afford the candy and chips they all gobbled at lunchtime, and why the teacher, for the most part, ignored me, even when I knew the answer to a question she posed, mostly by muscling through the work and trying to understand it through context.

To make matters worse after tweeting about Eric Trump’s jeans, and proving herself to be not quite as dumb as a box of hammers and not nearly as useful, the nitwit doubled down on showing just how much of an imbecile she is by blaming her apparent drug use for the spelling error.

Apparently correct language usage goes out the window when what’s left of one’s grey matter is addled by the wacky tobacky, as does one’s sense of decency.

Weed is apparently not a new thing for Handler, who a year or so ago got stoned for her Netflix documentary series “Chelsea Does.” Because apparently drugs are just “fun to do,” says the celebutard bimbo. “I want to show people what happens when you get fucked ed-up.”

Here’s Funbags McDumbass with Snoop Dogg, tokin up like a beast.

Well, here’s what happens. You get stoned, you get the munchies, you can’t find any stale Doritos in your pad, you grab some kitty litter and eat that, washing it down with some cheap vodka, and then you tweet at the President’s son, while mangling the English language, while conveniently forgetting that you denigrated the First Lady – an immigrant, which is a class of people whom you ostensibly support, and which includes your own mom – for her apparently poor English skills, and you get ridiculed.

A lot.

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In case you were wondering…

NO, Germany doesn’t “owe” NATO a red cent.

And perhaps if President TwitterFingers spent more time studying and understanding the alliance, instead of tweeting about it, he would have known this as well, instead of going on one of his infamous Twitter seizures on the heels of that “great meeting” he had with German Chancellor Angela Merkel last week.

I had honed in on this previously during the campaign, slamming Trump’s claim at the time that somehow we pay 73 percent of NATO, whatever the hell that means.

So, in case you were wondering how the alliance funding works, lemme ‘splain.

No, the United States does not spend 73 percent of NATO. That number refers to our defense budget compared to those of other NATO allies. Given the fact that we’re YUUUUGE, and they’re small, it makes sense that our total defense spending – even at a reasonable 3.6 percent of GDP will be much higher than theirs.

In other words: The United States defense budget ($664.1 billion) / the sum total of all NATO allies’ defense budgets, including the United States ($918.3 billion) = .72. The United States defense budget comprises 72 percent of the sum total of defense budgets of all NATO allies. OK?

Each country decides how much it will spend on its own defense.

NATO recommends that member nations spend at least 2 percent of their GDP on their own defense. It has other recommendations, vis-a-vis defense budget breakdowns, but none of these benchmarks are requirements. Nations decide for themselves how much to spend on their defenses.

Currently, maybe 5-6 NATO allies meet that standard, including the United States, Great Britain, Poland, Greece and Estonia. A number of other countries have committed to increasing their defense spending – not because Trump demanded it, but because they see the resurgent, aggressive Russia as an increasing threat, and since that’s why NATO was created in the first place, it’s a pretty logical turn of events.

NATO members do contribute some funds to common funding projects via direct contributions. This is where NATO members’ costs are assessed by the alliance based on nations’ GDP. The United States, being the biggest, baddest, and strongest member of the alliance pays roughly 22 percent of that figure. The UK pays about 9.8 percent, France pays 10.6 percent, and Germany pays 14.6 percent.

NATO is a treaty obligation for us, but members are not required to participate in all NATO operations. For NATO missions, each member decides how much they will contribute, if at all. The only exception is when NATO engages in an Article 5 collective defense operation, which requires the participation of all alliance members. Know how many times NATO invoked Article 5? Once. Know when? After the September 11 attacks on the United States. So yes, after terrorists attacked the United States, NATO members stood together and declared that an attack on the United States was an attack on all of NATO. But once again, there’s no size requirement. Allies contributed as much or as little as they assessed they could.

And no, we don’t provide defense to Germany, or any other NATO ally. We are NATO’s biggest partner, and we’re the leader of the alliance, but that doesn’t mean we give other NATO allies a penny, and that certainly doesn’t mean they owe us, considering the only time the Article 5 collective security guarantee was invoked was after an attack on US.

There are varying opinions about whether or not NATO is even needed today. Hardcore Libertarians (read: those who have no comprehension of how the alliance – or really human nature – works, and who will immediately call you ignorant and unaware of America’s oh-so-evil history of interfering in other nations’ affairs, blah, blah, blah) are screeching the alliance should be disbanded, as it’s no longer needed. I’m not even going to get into the vast numbers of conspiracy theories out there spewed by some of these nutjobs! Use your Google-fu, if you really are that interested in the crazy.

Suffice it to say, I disagree with the derpapotomi, given Russian aggression over the past several years, but that’s not what this post is about.

I would submit that the U.S. Commander-in-Chief, who ostensibly is ultimately in charge of all matters concerning our military and foreign policy, should at the very least know how America’s most significant alliance works!

And instead of once again using injudicious language on Twitter, perhaps he should spend more time studying that about which he tweets, so he doesn’t make us look like utter jackasses.

Open letter to “feminists”

Dear Femtard Morons –

Yes, I call you this, and I’ve put “feminist” in quotes as the title of this post, implying you’re frauds, because you can hardly be compared to the strong, free, independent women who are your predecessors and who paved the way for women’s equal rights. The only thing you have in common with these heroes are your vaginas…

… and even that’s no longer a guarantee, given that there are those among you who were born with a penis, but have claimed your gender as their own. 

For the record, I don’t consider you simpering, triggered, vacuous, perpetually offended, pussy hat-wearing femtards, hiding behind your plumbing (or in some cases bathing in mea culpas for the crime of being born with male “privilege”) and eschewing actual accomplishments and hard work, feminists. 

You want to be considered strong without actually working to become so. 

You want recognition as equal to men without working to make your accomplishments equal to men’s. 

You think you’re entitled to the world without earning the world, because you own a twat (sometimes).

You think your perpetual offense entitles you to consideration and respect. 

And you think your faults should be revered, because you happen to have two X chromosomes, instead of working to overcome them. You use your ostensible “feminism” as an excuse for your failures, while demanding special treatment because of it. 

When you have purged the last vestiges of anything that could possibly chafe your fragile labia from society’s lexicon, entertainment venues, schools, and workplaces, you are compelled find new sources of butthurt, because otherwise you will no longer be able to quell your feelings of entitlement by shaming others into worshipping at the altar of your inadequacies. 

Well, I’m here to tell you I’ve stopped paying attention to your impotent squeaks a long time ago. 

When everything is offensive, nothing is, and you’ve ceased being relevant. 

Want proof?

Two words: Wonder Woman

Apparently, the paragon of feminine strength, virtue, and beauty is giving you whining shrews heartburn, because ARMPITS! She shaved her armpits!!! 

And because you blithering harpies decided that armpit hair is “feminist,” anything that doesn’t toe your arbitrary line doesn’t qualify and must be offensive!

“FAKE FEMINISM!” screeches someone whose Twitter avatar is a man. (Let’s hope this was sarcasm, but you just never know in this crazy world.)

“I just don’t buy the idea that #Wonderwoman would shave her armpits,” squeaks another alleged “man,” who calls himself @anothernewdad. 

Others weren’t “offended” per se, but had to air their armpit disagreement. 

“controversial hot take: i wish #WonderWoman had visible armpit hair. she was raised on an island of women w/no schick advertisements”

And this, dear feminists – both male and female – is why no one takes you seriously. 

I love Wonder Woman. As a kid, I wanted to be Wonder Woman. I wanted to be smart, dedicated, independent, and strong. I wanted to save the country again and again. And as a fan, I’m squealing with excitement about the Wonder Woman movie coming out this summer!

And you screeching morons are ruining it, much like you spoil everything that’s fun, everything that’s exciting, and everything that doesn’t comport with your crazed, unhinged view of the world – a view that tosses economics, science, common sense, decency, and logic under the bus in favor of faux indignation, abdication of personal responsibility, and sanction of anyone who dares to disagree with you as an oppressive member of the patriarchy. 

I don’t consider you part of my definition of feminism. I don’t like you. I hate the fact that you insist on sticking your protruding probosces into everything I’ve ever enjoyed and reinvent it into dull-witted, boring, vaginal superiority- and identity politics-filled garbage a la the all-femme “Ghostbusters.”

You want to invent brand new gender identities for yourselves? Be my guest. That’s the very definition of a free country. But don’t think for a moment you will force me to accept your self-identification as a coffee table, and don’t think for a moment I will take your self-righteous whining as a cue to suspend reality in favor of your twisted worldview. 

You want to color your unshaven pit hair in all the colors of the rainbow? Great! Go for it. But don’t you dare stick your unwashed, unshaven armpits in my face and demand I accept them and worship them as beautiful. 

I don’t care if you’re triggered. 

I don’t care if you’re offended. 

I don’t care if Diana Prince has clean shaven armpits in the Wonder Woman movie. She’s a fictional character. Get over it. 

I don’t care if you’re offended that Major Motoko Kusanagi won’t be Asian in the movie adaptation of “Ghost in the Shell.” She’s a fictional character with lots of “shells” as her cyborg bodies. She could be anyone. 

I don’t care about your precious feelings, just as you don’t care about the feelings of millions of people who don’t toe your ideological line and go as far as to marginalize their experiences and lives because they’re part of the whole cisheteropatriarchy garbage boogieman you have created and taught yourselves to despise. 

Stop trying to ruin my fun!

A pissed off woman 

Trash Panda Loves Boobs

I’m not talking politics today. It’s too contentious, and I’m not in the mood to fight the stupid today. Frankly, until I read this story, I was in the mood to kill rather than bother with a fair fight, but you know what? You can’t be angry when there’s a lawsuit going on over a raccoon who apparently starred in some porn. It’s a filthy, dark tale of a trash panda gone bad that’s making me giggle like a school kid who saw the word “penis” written down for the first time.

A Russian petting zoo loaned this fat little guy to a production company ostensibly to be used in an advertising video. Things apparently got a bit hinky from there. The zoo claims Thomas the Trash Panda came back from the shoot traumatized and strangely attracted to women’s breasts.

The production company says Thomas wasn’t trained as the zoo claimed, would run off all the time instead of acting like a professional performer, and stole a model’s bra.

As you can imagine, a lawsuit hilarity ensued.

According to the zoo, the deal in August 2016 was for Thomas to be used in a regular advertisement.

But the zoo says that when it saw the footage on social media, featuring a naked model, it complained and asked for all video and photos to be withdrawn.

After the request failed, the zoo filed a lawsuit in October, also demanding compensation for damages caused to the raccoon.

Art-Msk’s Valery Bogatov argued that the video was not erotic because it was destined to be broadcast on federal television. An erotic film would have been illegal, he said.

Anyone who finds a naked woman petting a raccoon erotic needs mental help in my opinion, but what the hell do I know?

Meanwhile Thomas the Trash Panda was sad, because the zoo claims he was programmed to associate boobs with treats, which is pretty much normal for any straight, human male, and demonstrators gathered in Moscow to protest the exploitation of raccoons. It apparently took them some time to deprogram Thomas from his boob fixation, and Thomas didn’t like that. Because boobs.

I’m wondering where the Social Justice Howler Monkey protests are at this mistreatment of an innocent animal. They are messing with this little guy’s mind by training him to not like boobs! Isn’t it something akin to the anti-gay conversion therapy they’re all concerned about Mike Pence imposing on young, gay individuals using our tax dollars?

You can’t make this shit up.

Worse yet, the production company head Valery Bogatov is threatening to counter-sue the zoo and demand payback for the model’s bra that Thomas stole when he went on his criminal boob crusade!

The only thing funnier than this story is the sign one of the protesters held, featuring a cross-eyed raccoon wearing eyeglasses that read “DOWN WITH THE EXPLOITATION OF RACCOONS IN VIDEO!”

I’m wondering why it is that with western sanctions, low oil prices, high prices for everything from food to housing, censorship, and authoritarianism, these people are focusing on protesting the “mistreatment” of a trash panda, who was apparently enticed with treats to like boobs.

I must be a bad person, because I’m laughing like a lunatic.

 

Shrinking the Federal Bureaucracy

You all know I’ve been super critical of the President on a number of foreign policy and national security issues, including those he chose for his national security team, but I like to think I’m fair, and aside from the thankfully defunct Michael Flynn and the unfortunately current Darth Badhair McHobo and MiniMogul, his national security team is actually shaping up pretty well. Jim Mattis and John Kelly are perfect Secretaries of Defense and Homeland Security respectively. I’ve heard nothing but good things about H.R. McMaster, and I literally did a happy dance at the selection of Fiona Hill as White House senior director for Europe and Russia. I’ve referenced her articles on Putin before. She’s an expert and a realist. What’s not to like?

I also like to think I’m fair on domestic policy issues. So, yes, TrumpCare, or whatever we’re calling it this week, is a dumpster fire and the constant Twitter seizures and unsubstantiated claims of wiretapping and unemployment data manipulation by 44 are getting old.

That said… the left’s apoplectic paroxysms of outrage about proposed Trump budget cuts are giving me giggle fits. Fiscal responsibility involves sometimes tough choices, and I think we finally have a President who is willing to make them, who is willing to look at all the multiplicative, wasteful, and downright unconstitutional programs the federal government is funding and say, “Enough!”

Let’s remember that the vast majority of the federal budget is non-discretionary, which means it’s mandatory spending. We have to pay certain bills, and we don’t have a choice about it.  Among them is entitlement spending, such as Social Security. It is spent based on existing laws rather than the budgeting process, and without actual entitlement reform, we must pay it. Discretionary spending constitutes a pretty small portion of the federal budget, which means we need to be judicious about how we spend that money, which includes funding for our military, education, international affairs, environment, etc.

Discretionary Spending is the portion of the budget that the president requests and Congress appropriates every year. It represents less than one-third of the total federal budget, while mandatory spending accounts for around two-thirds.

Trump’s budget proposal does exactly this, but the left is, of course, hyperventilating about it, because they’re all about MOAR SPENDING! The Washington Post this morning helpfully shows what program cuts will help fund $54 billion in proposed defense spending increases. I’m good with this, quite frankly, because national defense is one of the very few constitutional functions of our government. And guess what’s not on that list!

Agency/Program What it does
21st Century Community Learning Centers Provides funding for after-school programs for students in high-poverty areas
Advanced Technology Vehicles Manufacturing Program Provides loans to automotive manufacturers developing fuel-efficient technologies
African Development Foundation Invests in African businesses
Appalachian Regional Commission Invests in projects for economic growth in the Appalachian region
ARPA-E Funds research into new energy technologies
Capacity Building for Community Development and Affordable Housing Provides housing assistance to low-income families
Chemical Safety Board Investigates industrial chemical accidents
Chesapeake Bay Restoration Provides funding for cleanup and protection of the Chesapeake Bay watershed
Community Development Block Grant Provides housing assistance to low-income families
Community Development Financial Institutions Fund grants Provides support to financial services in underserved communities
Community Services Block Grant Provides funding for projects that alleviate poverty
Corporation for National & Community Service Runs AmeriCorps, City Year and other public service programs
Corporation for Public Broadcasting Provides federal funding to local radio and television stations across the U.S.
Delta Regional Authority Funds infrastructure and economic programs in the Mississippi River delta region
Denali Commission Provides economic assistance in Alaska
Economic Development Administration Provides funding for economic development projects across the U.S.
Emergency Refugee and Migration Assistance Account Provides emergency funding for humanitarian crises around the world
Endocrine Disruptor Screening Program Tests pesticides and other chemicals for adverse effects on humans and animals
Energy Star Provides assistance for energy efficiency programs
Essential Air Service program Provides funding for air transportation to rural communities
Global Climate Change Initiative Provides financial assistance for climate change initiatives in developing countries
Great Lakes Restoration Initiative Provides funding for cleanup and protection of Great Lakes watersheds
Institute of Museum and Library Services Provides grants and research for libraries, museums, zoos and similar institutions.
Inter-American Foundation Provides development assistance to Latin American countries
Legal Services Corporation Provides legal aid to low-income Americans
Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program Assists low-income families with heating and cooling costs
McGovern-Dole Food for Education Program Provides school meals and nutrition programs in poor countries
Minority Business Development Agency Provides technical assistance to minority-owned businesses
NASA Office of Education Supports STEM education initiatives
National Endowment for the Arts Provides funding for arts projects
National Endowment for the Humanities Provides funding for cultural institutions like universities and museums, as well as projects by individual scholars
Neighborhood Reinvestment Corporation Provides housing assistance to low-income Americans
Northern Border Regional Commission Economic development in northern New England
Overseas Private Investment Corporation Helps U.S. businesses invest overseas
Senior Community Service Employment Program Funds job training for low-income, unemployed seniors
State Energy Program Provides funding and technical assistance for energy efficiency and clean energy
Supporting Effective Instruction State Grants program Provides grants to improve education quality
Targeted Air Shed Grants Provides grants for air pollution control
TIGER Discretionary Grant program Provides funding for transportation projects across the U.S.
Title 17 Innovative Technology Loan Guarantee Program Provides loan guarantees for new energy products
United States Institute of Peace Works on international conflict mitigation
United States Interagency Council on Homelessness Coordinates federal response to homelessness
US Trade and Development agency Promotes U.S. exports in developing countries.
Water and Waste Disposal Loan and Grant Program Provides funding for water infrastructure in rural areas
Weatherization Assistance Program Provides grants for weatherizing low-income homes
Woodrow Wilson International Center Foreign policy think tank

The Post reports that a number of these federal programs have failed to show efficacy and that the private sector can perform these functions better.

Why the hell are we funding a foreign policy think tank? So it can produce written opinions on policy that, because they’re funded by the government, will invariably become a mouthpiece of said government.

Why are the feds giving money to businesses that want to invest overseas? Let these businesses assume their own risk and invest how they see fit, instead of the taxpayers funding businesses who will inevitably assume more risk, because it’s not their money to play with!

Why are U.S. taxpayers giving money to USAID through the McGovern-Dole Food for Education Program to subsidize school lunches to foreign students? Nowhere in the Constitution does it say that it’s the function of the government to give school lunches to our own kids, let alone to ones in other countries! I get that we want to appear to be generous and bighearted, but as a wise man once said, voting for the government to give poor people money is not compassion.

Neither is forcing the U.S. taxpayers to foot the bill for investments in African businesses. If someone wants to plop down their hard-earned dollars to invest in an African enterprise, great! Good for them! But to arbitrarily take money away from Americans and send them overseas tells us that bureaucrats know better how to spend our money and where to invest it (in businesses that likely prop up the political agenda, or in which the bureaucrats and politicians have interests). I’ll remind you how Solyndra worked out.

And don’t even get me started on government funding for the arts!

So yes, we need to be judicious with our spending. We need to focus on programs that are effective, efficient, and constitutional, and all this crap above ain’t it.

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