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Category Archives: Special Snowflake Syndrome

Newsflash: Millennials Aren’t Ready for Real Life

I gotta wonder why anyone would consider this news. Apparently, snowflake millennials are having trouble existing on their own, so they wind up quitting school and living in mom and dad’s basement, and NBC is right on top of that exclusive!

In 2015, one-third or about 24 million young adults, ranging from 18 to 34, lived with their parents, according to the report.

“Living in an independent household is expensive and the ability to do so hinges, in part, on young adults’ economic resources as well as the costs of rent and home-ownership,” the report stated.

While 81 percent of those who live at home are either working or going to school, one in four between 25 to 34 are “idle, meaning they are not in school and do not work” the report stated.

You know what I did while going to school full time at Johns Hopkins? I also worked full time in a retail store. I started at minimum wage, and worked my way up to assistant store manager. Eventually, I became a bartender and waitress. Tips were good. I worked every night, studied at work when I could, and picked up 10-12 hour shifts at the restaurant on the weekends. No, I didn’t get much sleep during those days, but I also didn’t expect to have a lavish lifestyle. I ate at work when I could. I lived with my significant other at the time, and our weekly food budget bought us basics – some frozen vegetables, some meat, milk, and cereal. I brought home leftovers when possible. My parents gave us a couple of old pieces of furniture. A mattress and box spring, which we placed on the floor, an old, rickety table for two with two chairs, an old ottoman which acted as a couch, and an old television set. I did my homework on an old word processor on a cardboard box that acted as a desk.

My dad co-signed for a used car. I had a car payment and insurance. I paid them. It wasn’t a great car. It was a practical one.

After I left college, I realized that I hadn’t learned skills applicable in the real world. I bartended for a while, but ultimately decided to enlist in the Army, where I learned a marketable skill and gained the experience I needed to eventually get a job in the private sector.

My son is in the Army Reserves. He gets a monthly paycheck as long as he goes to drill. He pays for his car and his insurance. Before joining his unit, he had what was called a job. He worked at Starbucks, and while I helped when I could, I was in dire economic straits myself thanks to the fiasco with hell tenants two years ago, so he did with what he had.

Yes, the job market is different, but you know what? Snowflakes need to learn to adjust and stop expecting that they will immediately get hired into a corner office with a six-figure salary. Yes, it’s a different work environment, and they need to figure out not only what they want to do, but what the market is offering.

Guess what, snowflake! That degree in gender studies isn’t going to translate into a well-paying job once you leave the cozy cocoon of academia.

That thesis you wrote in cishetero oppression of indigenous pygmies in the Seychelles isn’t going to get you very far in today’s job market.

You need ingenuity. You need flexibility. You need the ability to reason, not just blame the world for not handing you what you think you deserve.

Colleges and universities are definitely not preparing students for the real world. They’re giving class credit for “activism” (read: skipping school to protest perpetual grievances that underscore their impression that nothing is ever their fault, and that their specialness should be recognized and honored by all). They’re providing endless validation to whining harpies, who are interminably offended about the world not genuflecting before their inadequacies and legitimizing complaints about alleged “mistreatment” at the hands of oh-so-evil professors who had the unmitigated gall to demand class attendance for grades!

They’re pumping out witless, entitled, unprepared, whining ass cakes, who lack self awareness and are overflowing with supercilious, gratuitous arrogance, and who wonder why no one will hire them.

Maybe that’s a big part of the reason why millennials are having a rough time?

Or maybe they just like their parents basements.

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Fostering Allies

A recent workshop at Kennesaw State University got some heat for segregating participants based on color during breakout sessions. The workshop, titled “Being, Becoming, and Fostering Allies: Building Relationships across Privilege,” asked those who identify as white to go to one room during the breakout sessions, and whose who identify as “people of color” to go to another.

The panelists, the school’s website claims, highlighted “the essential conceptual, relational, and emotional processes involved in ally development, using their long-standing relationships to illustrate key concepts and identify and model strategies for enacting ally intentions.” Panelists also explored “the ongoing process of developing and fostering allies and the challenges that emerge in these journeys,” and discussed “the essential roles of self-reflection, cultural humility action, and re-engagement after failures, as well as the qualities of relationships that facilitate ally development.”

The university claims the event was misrepresented as segregation.

“The goal of the workshop, which was led by an outside expert, was to foster learning and create an environment of understanding and support for one another,” said Kennesaw State University spokeswoman Tammy DeMel. “Attendees were asked to work together and then were invited to join the group with which they identify.”

I don’t see any mischaracterization going on.

Were the students separated by color?

Yes.

Then how in frozen hell is this not segregation? Even if it’s for part of the workshop, it’s still segregation based on skin color – the very thing African Americans fought against for decades, and the very thing some of them now crave as a safe space!

Not only that, but based on the title of the workshop, these “educators” are also dividing participants based on their perception of “privilege” based on nothing but the amount of melanin in their skin!

Fact is, nearly 18 million white, non-Hispanic adults live in poverty, according to statistics released in September 2016.

Fact is, many of them live in conditions so deplorable, they are ridiculed and denigrated by everyone, including the very same people of color who claim they have privilege, for their poor dental hygiene, for the meth prevalence in their neighborhoods, and for their “trailer trash” lifestyle.

Fact is many of them are immigrants, like myself, who came here with nothing and clawed their way out of the hole.

So you know what, snowflakes? When you are so poor you have to “shop” for clothing in other people’s garbage and eat ice cubes in the summer, because unlike all your friends, your parents can’t afford to get you ice cream from the ice cream truck, and when your furniture and appliances come from others’ dumpsters, and your dad fixes an old black and white TV he found on the curb for you to watch, then you can talk about others’ privilege.

Until then, claiming “privilege,” because someone happens to be lighter than you, segregating them, so you can bitch about how horrible and insensitive they are, and then claiming to do so in the spirit of increasing understanding and support for one another is painfully lacking in self awareness.

It implies that the only “understanding” you’re interested in fostering is forcing those of us who you believe are privileged by virtue of the color of our skin to admit that we’re racist, insensitive oppressors. You don’t want those you consider victims to understand the plight of their counterparts. You couldn’t give an infected penis wrinkle about the experiences, pain, and plight of anyone who happens to be white. You’re only interested in flogging them into recognizing the alleged “plight” of everyone else…

…not based on any objective experience, mind you, because it’s not like they get to know the participants on a personal level, but based on skin color.

If that’s not racist, I don’t know what is!

And if you need any additional evidence about the narrow-minded  bigots that infest that particular institution of higher learning fanatical derangement, look no further than the kind of shit goblins it lets loose on the world.

Gideon Lanstra, 18, said everyone in her family voted for Trump but she supported Clinton. She said it’s very hard to be friends with anyone who supports the president. At Kennesaw State, where she attended classes last semester, her roommate backed Trump. “I got silent angry,” she recalled. “That means I’m not going to punch you or yell at you, but gosh I’m upset.” Now she’s trying to find an apartment with someone else.

You want to foster understanding? You might want to start with this perpetually aggrieved cunt hair, who can’t even live in the same apartment with someone who holds different views from her, and rage quits a living arrangement, because TRUMP!

You want to create an environment where people support one another? You might want to start with ensuring that everyone’s experiences, views, and ideas are respected and heard – not just those whom you consider to be victims of cis/white/hetero oppression.

Otherwise, I’ll call you exactly what you are. Racist, hysterical moonbats, who are working to set race relations back decades.

Here’s a clue: Jim Crow isn’t a progressive ideal.

The Snowflake Test

A few weeks ago, I stumbled across a New Boston Post article by someone named Kyle Reyes – President and CEO of The Silent Partner Marketing – that explained his firm’s somewhat unorthodox hiring practices. You see, The Silent Partner Marketing is apparently a pretty cool place to work. They have a bar, they have a personal trainer, they allow dogs – YES DOGS!!!! – in the office, which should actually alleviate stress levels and increase productivity. (Yes, I speak from experience. We employed a wounded warrior at my old job, who had an adorable German Shepherd seeing eye pup, and who acted as our office therapy dog whenever he didn’t have his harness on.) So being a cool place to work, the company obviously gets a lot of interest from prospective employees, who find the benefits appealing.

So how does a company ensure they hire the best and brightest, whose personality fits the culture?

I know what it’s like to have to wade through hundreds of resumes. Whenever my office advertises a position, we drown in a swamp of resumes – some stellar, and others… well… they might as well be written in crayon. I know we’re a great place to work, but it seems these days applicants think we need to sell ourselves to them, because they’re so smart/experienced/fabulous. Sometimes it takes all my will power not to remind the applicant that with the pay and benefits we offer, as well as the fascinating work that actually makes a difference, they should be the ones selling themselves to us. More often than not, the attitude is, “show me how great you are, and that you deserve me!”

NEWSFLASH, SNOWFLAKE! We are not here to impress you. We pay good money for good skills. We hire quality people and reward them accordingly, and we screen heavily to ensure said quality. Don’t like it? Don’t apply! We are certainly not here to adjust to your whims.

Since I can’t very well inform prospective applicants that they won’t be issued safe spaces, pussy hats, safety pins, and free days off to focus on their political activism, I weed out potential snowflakes by informing them of the true benefits of working in my office.

You get to do a truly fascinating job that allows you to challenge your assumptions and stretch your mental muscles.

No, you don’t get a masseuse or your own office, but we do have a table filled with chocolate, cookies, and all sorts of treats people bring – especially when they go TDY to a faraway place! And we do get to travel! Places like Germany, Singapore, Britain, Luxembourg, and Romania are just some of the neat places we’ve been able to send our employees! And yes, you need to learn customs and courtesies. And no, you don’t get to indulge your “I only eat organically-grown, locally sourced produce that certifies it wasn’t mean to animals” predilections. You will be polite to your hosts, always be on time, always keep situational awareness, and act like a grownup, or you don’t get to go again. Believe me, I’ve done it.

You do get to interact with senior policy makers, and keep them informed about critical issues that impact this nation. No, you don’t get to choose what you brief or how you brief it. No, you don’t get to decline because you don’t like a particular policy maker. No, you don’t get to shove your own political views into your analysis. You will, however, become a subject matter expert on various issues that are vital to our foreign policy and national security, and you will develop your knowledge and expertise. I call that self-fulfillment. You like it? Come show me why I should hire you for this unique opportunity! I won’t coddle you, but I will teach you and guide you, and I will make you the best you can be at your job.

Interested?

But back to Kyle Reyes.

When I read Reyes’ strategy for weeding out those who don’t quite fit the corporate culture at his company, I nearly squeaked with excitement! He calls it “The Snowflake Test.” Since he published an article about “The Snowflake Test,” it’s gone viral. I’ve seen him on the news, and he’s been on a ton of various radio programs!

I sent Reyes a note shortly after the first article was published with a short kudos for his work. He was kind enough to respond, and we had a brief conversation in which I conveyed to him how much I wished I could administer his “Snowflake Test” to those who apply for open positions with me!

Some of the questions are somewhat eclectic.

  1. When was the last time you cried and why? (At my son’s Army Basic Training graduation. Tears of joy)
  2. You arrive at an event for work and there’s a major celebrity you’ve always wanted to meet. What happens next? (I do my job. Duh.)
  3. What’s your favorite kind of adult beverage? (Bloody Mary)

Others are obviously designed to gauge your respect for the views and beliefs of others or your love of this country.

  1. How do you feel about guns? (I carry an M1911. My G23 is my other carry pistol.)
  2. What are your feelings about employees or clients carrying guns? (None of my business as long as they practice common sense safety.)
  3. What does America mean to you? (*Long discussion about the opportunities this nation provided me – ones I couldn’t get as a Jew in the former USSR*)
  4. How do you feel about police? (Much like I feel about others who stand up. Thank you for what you do. Thank you for your sacrifices. Your badge doesn’t come with a halo, however, so don’t abuse your authority.)

Still others take a peek at your personality and try to gauge how you would perform your duties in a marketing firm.

  1. What’s the best way to communicate with clients? (Politely, respectfully, but honestly and directly.)
  2. In a creative environment like The Silent Partner Marketing, what do you envision work attire looking like? (As long as you don’t come in with piercings all over your face, wearing leather chaps, no pants, and a tiara, I don’t care. Dress professionally. It doesn’t have to be a three-piece suit all the time, but if you come in wearing pajama bottoms and a torn t-shirt with fuzzy bunny slippers, I’ll personally escort you out.)
  3. Should “trigger warnings” be issued before we release content for clients or the company that might be considered “controversial”? (Nope. You hire us for our expertise and reputation. If you don’t trust us to release the very best content for your needs, maybe you should find someone else.)

Reyes apparently got a lot of flak from the very snowflakes he wants to avoid for weeding them out in such a rude and undignified fashion! After all, they shouldn’t be subjected to these intrusive questions or judged by their answers! They’re perfect candidates! They deserve an interview. They bring a lot to the table, and because they’re so special and perfect, the employer needs to sell the company to them. They’re special! They’re quality! How DARE he want to hire the best candidate possible for openings in his own company! Reyes’ attitude toward these entitled buffoons is the same as mine would be.

I was scolded by a woman on the phone yesterday who told me she wouldn’t take the test and “shame” on me for making people take a test to come work for us.  She “demanded” I remove the test or risk losing out on “perfect employees” like herself.

Bummer.

Well, snowflake, it’s back to the heaping pile of applications for me.

I would probably send the woman a photo of her application in my circular file, because I’m not as nice as Kyle Reyes.

Yes, People are Stupid

shirtIf you haven’t heard, there’s another “The Walking Dead” controversy brewing. Because perpetually offended, howling snowflakes have apparently run out of things about which to be outraged, they are now screeching about a T-Shirt. Thankfully, the shrieking outragery is in the UK… for now. But there are almost certainly aggrieved social justice zealots in the United States who are standing in solidarity with their squealing comrades in the UK in their indignation. Hell, I’ve seen quite a few of them on social media!

The “offensive” language revolves around TWD baddie Negan’s use of the old rhyme “Eeny meeny miny moe, catch a tiger by the toe…” to select the victim he would violently bash over the head with his trusted, barbed-wire baseball bat Lucille..

Now, when I was a kid, we used that rhyme all the time. Most Americans, I would wager, are not and have never been aware of the rhyme’s history, which apparently used the N-bomb instead of “tiger.” I certainly had no idea. But apparently, that’s what it was, and because most of us didn’t know about the rhyme’s history, we’re obviously steeped in white privilege… or something.

Yeah, I know. I had black friends in school, and when we used the rhyme, none of them were insulted, probably because like most Americans, they had no idea about the rhyme’s history.

But in their search for things to get offended about the SJW howler monkeys have now decided to target the TWD t-shirt.

It doesn’t matter that the show is not even close to racist.

It doesn’t matter that Negan ever used the word, and has never, as a character, been shown to be racist in any way.

It doesn’t matter that the show’s and comic book’s creators almost certainly didn’t know the rhyme’s history and meant exactly zero connotations to be gleaned from Negan’s taunts.

And it certainly doesn’t matter that the alleged “insult” wasn’t aimed at anyone.

You see, intent doesn’t matter, because according to one zealot, “the people at the tail end of the insult are the ones who get to decide if it’s offensive.”

Which basically means that anything we do or say can be constituted as offensive to someone.

Which essentially surpasses “thought crime” and lands directly into “insensitivity crime.”

morganLiterally stupidest claim ever.

TWD’s Jeffrey Dean Morgan agrees, this is stupid, and I can’t blame him.

A rhyme that’s been used for decades, and apparently at some point (in the 1800s) contained a word that was common then, but we now  – after more than 100 fucking years – find unacceptable. A t-shirt that doesn’t even contain that line. A show that is in no way racist. A scene that in no way had racial connotations.

Imbeciles are literally getting offended at a t-shirt referring to a fictional character’s use of a rhyme that more than 100 years ago contained a word that was commonly-used then, but that is considered unacceptable now, that the t-shirt doesn’t even contain.

And apparently, it doesn’t matter if no insult was actually intended, that the rhyme wasn’t hurled at anyone, because the only thing that matters is pwecious feewings.

And if you disagree, you’re wrong.

If you refuse to bow down to the subjective snowflakery and confirm that what you say and what you mean doesn’t matter, but what the grievance mongers claim offends them does, you’re a racist… or privileged… or something.

The content of the rhyme doesn’t matter. The indisputable fact that the rhyme as said by a fictional character did not contain any racially charged language doesn’t matter. The fact that the majority of people involved with the show, with the manufacture of the shirt and its sale, and in the world writ large, were not aware of the rhyme’s history doesn’t matter.

What matters to these whining, sniveling fucktards is that their subjective feelings be accepted as fact, because apparently, their offense somehow gives them moral superiority over the rest of us.

Yeah. stupid.

Nope. I refuse to play these games. It’s an intellectual (or in this case, sub-intellectual) trap that marginalizes everyone except those seeking indignation and gives them license to accuse anyone and everyone of facism/racism/sexism/*insert ism here, regardless of whether their interlocutors really are guilty of fitting those descriptions. It allows the perpetually affronted to offend, denigrate, and demean anyone they don’t like merely by claiming offense. And yes, I find it insulting and and downright abusive to be called those things – especially since I’ve spent my life fighting them.

There’s no justice in this – social or otherwise. It’s a disgusting, biased, discriminatory retaliation tactic against those whom the snowflakes seek to marginalize – those evil, cis/het, white people, whom they believe to be deserving of retribution for the “crime” of being privileged. And while they treat the rest of us like something smelly that attached itself to the bottom of their shoes, they treat minorities like fragile morons, who have to be protected from anything that can even remotely be viewed as “offensive.” Dog forbid someone’s delicate labia get chafed – even unintentionally! MICROAGGRESSION!

Here’s an idea, snowflakes: go fuck yourselves. With a barbed-wire bat. There is no “right” not to be offended.

Salon Shrewsplains Paella

paellaSome screeching, cunt-chafed harridan at Salon recently took to the Interwebz to shrewsplain to us why celebrities making paella in the wrong dish is apparently cultural appropriation. Mireia Triguero Roura sniffily tells us that while we were enjoying “unnecessarily gigantic meals” in our homes over the holidays (because she and her band of unshaven, rainbow-haired, perpetually offended harpies are ultimately the arbiters of what is necessary and what isn’t in other people’s lives), actor Rob Schneider was committing an act of nefarious cultural appropriation against Spain in his own home.

Spaniards were outraged. Some replied with angry, insulting tweets. Many sent pictures of their own paellas as inspiration. Others created fake, outrageous variations on the classic hot dog. A Spanish chef kindly took it upon himself to show the American actor what paella is and what it isn’t. For some hours, this became a trending topic in some regions in Spain. Schneider finally apologized and vowed to try to make it again, with all the new paella knowledge forced on to him through social media.

Massive raw lobster tails aside, Spaniards were reacting to what they felt was cultural appropriation of their cuisine.

Spaniards are certainly very proud of their cuisine, and we can be regionalists to a fault. No two towns can fully agree on what exactly you need to put in a paella. Some argue that onions give it the better flavor, but many will say that there is no place for them in the dish. Some take their issue with peas and fava beans, and others have unearthed family recipes going back to the 19th century to show that snails have a place on the rice. But small battles aside, there’s one thing everyone can agree on, and that is that one must cook paella in, well, a paella pan.

That’s right. Rob Schneider insensitively put stuff that he likes in his paella – in his own home – using the WRONG. FUCKING. PAN. – using ingredients he liked – and Spaniards lost their collective shit. Perhaps they should worry more about their abominable more than 18 percent unemployment rate, rather than soil themselves on Twitter because some celebrity posted a picture of his dinner, but that’s none of my business.

But then we have this Mireia Triguero Roura explaining just why it’s so offensive to cook what you want and how you want it in your own home, and I have to once again point to the fact that this cultural appropriation and perpetual offense garbage has jumped the shark. Hard.

The shallow and wide pan, with two handles in opposite sides, gives the name to this rice dish. And to some extent any rice dish cooked on such pan could qualify to be a paella. So even if we take this very low bar for defining paella, Schneider’s dish failed the test. As a twitter user pointed out he just made “rice with things,” or perhaps more accurately, things with rice.

Well… technically, that’s what paella is – rice with things. There’s vegetable paella. There’s seafood paella. There’s chicken paella, meat paella, mixed paella, you name it! There are also green beans, artichokes, and peppers – all depends on how you want to make it. So yeah – it’s rice with things, no matter how much snobbery you want to inject into your criticism.

To Schneider’s credit, where could he have turned to for a paella recipe that wouldn’t have infuriated most Spaniards? Just a few months ago, the famous chef Jamie Oliver failed the paella test again when he proposed a recipe that not only was again not made in the proper pan, but it also added something no Spaniard has ever seen in paella: chorizo. Just like Schneider, Oliver received his fair share of criticism on social media, and even newspapers reported the story as some outrageous insult to Spanish culture.

And why should Schneider give a shit if something he makes in his own home, for his friends and family, that he will consume “infuriates” anyone? Is he trying to sell it? No. Is he a chef in a Spanish restaurant? No. He’s a celebrity who posted a picture of his fucking dinner. Get over yourselves.

But unlike Schneider, Oliver is a chef, and a widely recognized one. So people will turn to him for advice. What are a celebrity chef’s responsibilities when writing a recipe for a dish that hails from a different cultural tradition than their own? How much should they stay close to the original dish and how much room do they have to be as creative as they want to be?

A chef is an artist with food. His only responsibility is to his customers, who will either love or hate his dish. He certainly has no responsibility to ask permission from the perpetually aggrieved about how he chooses to create. If they don’t like it, you know what they can do? Not spend money in his restaurant. Not buy the dish.

Did the Moors in ancient Spain, who began cultivating rice around the 10th century ask the Chinese in the Pearl River valley region who originated rice for permission to cultivate rice and use it in their dishes how they wished?

Did the Spaniards, who imported pepper seeds from Mexico in the 15th century ask them for permission to use them in their national dishes?

Saffron, a common spice in paella, is native to Southwest Asia and was likely cultivated in or near Greece. I don’t see the Greeks flinging “cultural appropriation” turds at the Spaniards for using that particular spice in their paella.

Food evolves, much like other art. Chefs explore new flavors, new spices, and new ingredients to make tasty dishes that stand out to their customers. Countries import various fruits, vegetables, and spices, and create new, interesting, innovative meals that vary with each individual palettes.

I’m guessing Mireia Triguero Roura is not that adventurous, nor is she open minded enough to understand diversity in that context, because when faced with a lack of things to be outraged about, these nags must dig deep to keep the indignation alive.

And she admits it.

It is hard to talk about cultural appropriation in food. For one, most cuisines have been developed as a result of the influences of many peoples, and hail from particular territories rather than countries.

Then perhaps she should stop talking about cultural appropriation in food. But no, she wastes many more paragraphs doing just that in the most inane, imbecilic manner!

A quick browse through the big food magazines in English reveals that virtually all have at least one paella recipe that includes chorizo—and most include other big no-nos among paella chefs. But most of them fail to mention that “chorizo” cannot be found in the dish in Spain. And in fact, most Spaniards felt even disgusted by the thought of it.

So what? Does that mean that others aren’t free to enjoy chorizo in their paella? Normal people just let others enjoy what they like, as long as it doesn’t infringe on their right to do the same. But apparently certain Special Snowflakes™ in Spain are unable to allow others to simply enjoy their own creations, so they have to destroy everyone else’s happiness, because it’s the only way they can validate their sad existences.

And yet if the nature of paella changes regionally inside Spain (even inside Valencia region), why should we allow those discrepancies only inside the borders of Spain? Shouldn’t we embrace, as David Rosengarten suggested in a Saveur article, the “changing nature of the dish” and “focus on the singular pleasure of eating it” instead? One could argue it should be a source of pride to see your cuisine become a source of inspiration for many around the world.

Unless one is a pretentious fuck weasel, in which case one writes entire articles waxing hysterical about “cultural appropriation.”

But at the heart of Spaniards’ battle to keep chorizo out of paellas around the world is the sense of protecting a sacred identity.

Sacred identity? What sort of fuckery is this? It’s food, ferpetessake! It’s rice mixed with olive oil, some veggies, spices, and proteins! It’s not like it came out of the Virgin Mary’s untapped asshole. It’s FOOD! Get over yourselves!

Earlier this year at Oberlin College, some students protested against a coleslaw and pulled-pork sandwich that was being sold under the name “banh mi,” which is a Vietnamese sandwich consisting of none of those ingredients.

manateeWell, color me shocked! Oberlin students – the mental institution that spawned the feminazi, child molesting landwhale Lena Dunham – are protesting something?

Take, however, two of the big immigrant cuisines in the U.S.: Mexican and Italian. Arguably, tacos ordered in Texas are quite different from a carnitas taco found in Jalisco. And “marinara” sauce in the United States has come to mean a whole different world from the original Italian word. But unlike Mexican-American and Italian-American food in the U.S., which are the result of large populations of immigrants settling in the country and bringing with them their food and recipes and adapting both to the ingredients and the palates of the land, the chorizo-paella (or the Oberlin “banh mi”) seems rather the result of non-Spanish chefs in a test kitchen deciding what belongs in a dish with what seems like little research or respect to the country of origin. And unlike most creations that are a result of culinary cross-pollination (think: the ramen burger), no one is changing the name to suggest this is a new creation. (I suggest we call this “choriella” from “chorizo” and “paella”).

So ultimately, what Mireia Triguero Roura is offended by is the word “paella.” Just like any other Special Snowflake™ she just haz teh sadz that someone has the temerity to use a word with which she disagrees to describe something as basic as food, made by someone other than she and her band of perpetually aggrieved shrews find acceptable, and therefore, since her delicate labia are bruised by mere words, she can’t help but publicly shame them for it. Nagging – it’s like Vagisil for the SJW soul.

Krishnendu Ray, a New York University professor of food studies, argues in “The Ethnic Restaurateur” that white chefs have more freedom to play with other people’s food than chefs of color do, which creates an inherent inequality in the field. To that, I would add that in a world where most people turn to the Internet to find recipes — and English is the de facto lingua franca of the online world — English-speaking chefs not only have more freedom to play around, but they also have the power to ultimately transform traditional dishes from other countries, without so much as an acknowledgement.

And of course, no Salon article would be complete without quoting some obscure, perpetually victimized “professor” of food studies, claiming “white privilege,” to give the drivel what passes for gravitas in the world of the culture jihadists.

Outrage? Check.

Cultural appropriation? Check.

White privilege? Check.

Ah! The recipe for progtard butthurt is complete!

Now, go enjoy your paella, heathens! Add some corn, tuna, and mayonnaise to it, and microwave it on high. And don’t forget to post a photo on Twitter and brag about your paella attempt, to really give this squealing nag something to gripe about!

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