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Category Archives: Misanthropy

Things pissing me off today

Those Tina Fey American Express commercials, where she goes on a massive impulse buying spree without a thought to the amount or to whether she needs the shit she’s gorge-buying in bulk.

 

Yeah, let’s encourage idiots in a country where overall household debt increased by 11 percent in the past decade, and where households owe $16,000 on the average in credit card debt, to buy shit they probably will never use, because a vapid celebrity who never has to worry about paying her debts or living paycheck to paycheck does so!

How many of us out there can go into a sports store, and buy hundreds of dollars worth of stuff we don’t even like or know how to use – all because IMPULSE BUY? I’d wager not a whole lot of us can say that, and yet tool stick over here is encouraging us to go out and buy shit anyway – shit you can’t afford, but hey… you have a credit card!

Yeah, let’s encourage that kind of behavior! Not.

And then there was this cock swizzle in the Metro station today. As I’m walking by, he says aggressively, while leaning toward passersby “Does anyone have a dollar? Anyone still remember those things?” As if it’s our fault that he’s a freeloading piece of detritus.

5d8c164701d56762061717b75ace60e4Dude, I work two jobs and am barely making ends meet. No one owes you a fucking dollar.

Job. Remember those things?

I’m usually pretty sympathetic. I’ve given food to the homeless, I’ve contributed thousands of dollars to charity, I’ve adopted two kids, and I’ve taken a homeless woman to a restaurant and bought her dinner.

But give me a fucktard who aggressively accosts me in the Metro station in an accusatory manner, because I won’t give him a dollar, and the only thing he’ll get is a throat punch.

Yeah, it’s Monday, and I’m in a mood.

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One more, and we’ll have a poop trifecta

Yesterday, I posted a story about some sick freaks who decided pinching a loaf in the middle of a biking trail was a wise idea, prompting officials to put a sign up with a picture of a smiling turd with a red slash through it.

Today, I read about a woman named Melissa Jacobson decided to one-up the trail pooper and lay a pile of excrement in a Wisconsin Wal Mart – a box of security tags behind the cash register, to be exact.

Melissa Jacobson, 49, was arrested on Monday after she allegedly snuck behind a store cash register and defecated in a box of security tags, JournalTimes.com reports.

Security footage showed a woman, who authorities later identified as Jacobson, answering nature’s call around 10:22 a.m. The footage also showed her reaching for paper towels beneath the counter when she was done. Then she went back to the customer service desk, according to The Smoking Gun.

Surprisingly enough, neither alcohol nor drugs were involved in this incident. However, store footage that caught Jacobson showed she was wearing a shirt with a dump truck on it and the phrase, “dropping a load.”

I shit you not.

And people wonder why “Misanthropy” is my middle name.

File this under: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??

When I was a kid, I lived in the Soviet Union with my parents. I remember not having access to a lot of things the first world has access to, including toilet paper. We would use cut up newspaper to wipe. I remember sitting on the toilet as a little kid, and mashing up pieces of newspaper in my hands to make it just a bit softer. Because… have you ever tried to wipe with newspaper?

TMI? Probably. But there’s also a point. I remember people would literally squat in alleys, pee on apartment building landings, etc., because what public toilets there were would make even the strongest stomach turn. It wasn’t unusual to walk through the grass in the park and step in human feces. It was disgusting, but what can you do?

There’s definitely no such problem in the United States, as far as I can see. There are copious amounts of public bathrooms that aren’t foul, and porta johns in parks that while not the cleanest in the world, are like hotel bathrooms at the Ritz compared to Soviet shit holes (sans the little tuxedoed dude giving you towels after you wash your hands).

My point is, there’s no excuse for this. None.

Apparently joggers who poop along the path have been an increasing problem for Hampton over the past two years, the city’s Public Works supervisor Scott McKay told NBC station KWQC.

“When the individual does it, it does it right in the lane. It’s not on the center line. It’s not off on the grass,” he said.

The problem has gotten so bad, officials have had to put signs on the bike path asking people not to crap there!

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Seriously? What the hell is wrong with people? What makes anyone think it’s acceptable to drop trou in the middle of a bike path, squat, and leave a pile of human droppings where other people jog and bike?

I don’t care if the shrimp and bean burrito feast that you washed down with your PBR the night before all of a sudden decides to peek out of your ass and threaten your $200 UnderArmour jogging tights. Unless your asshole is about to explode painfully leaving a WV sized hole where your rectum used to be, GO USE A PORTA POTTY! And if you have a medical condition that requires you to cop a squat at a moment’s notice, go see a doctor, and ferfuckssake don’t go jogging until you solve your intestinal issues!

It’s a health hazard. It’s disgusting. And it’s apparently becoming more common.

In a supposedly developed nation.

And you wonder why I hate people!

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