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Category Archives: FAIL

Public Service Announcement to Millennial Men

My buddy Jason this morning informed me that during a conversation he had with his hairdresser, he was told that more and more younger men are asking for their hair to be colored grey or with grey highlights, ostensibly to lend them more gravitas and make them look more distinguished.

I may or may not have looked at him like a confused Lab puppy before launching into a diatribe.

But, oh God it’s true!

Look, guys! You know what will give you gravitas? Experience, knowledge, skill, education, and awareness.

You know what will make you more distinguished? The way you carry yourselves, confidence, style, the ability to carry on a mature conversation without using the word “Bro,” accomplishment, and inner strength.

You know what won’t make anyone take you seriously, you man-bun sporting, sniveling, millennial douche cakes?

HAVING YOUR HAIRDRESSER PUT GREY HIGHLIGHTS IN YOUR HAIR!

There’s no pretending to be sophisticated. You either have it, or you are a guffawing bro, who drinks craft beer because he thinks it’s cool, and who thinks the mere appearance of age is a viable substitute for experience, knowledge, understanding of the world around you, and actual expertise.

Don’t do it! For the sake of all that is good and right, refrain!

Thatisall.

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Piss poor customer service reigns supreme

United: We’ve finally reached a settlement with the passenger we had airport security beat up and dragged off the plane. Whew! That was awful!

Delta: Hmmmmmmm…. free publicity. Watch this!

The Schear family of Huntington Beach says they were flying from Hawaii to Los Angeles last week when airline staff asked them to give up a seat occupied by their 2-year-old son and carry him on their laps for the duration of the flight.

They tried to refuse and argued with airline staff, but say they were threatened with being sent to jail.

[…]

“You’re saying you’re gonna give that away to someone else when I paid for that seat?” Brian Schear says to an airline employee. “That’s not right.”

Eventually he agreed to hold his son on his lap for the flight – but it was too late. The airline said the whole family had to leave.

Unlike United, Delta did have a clause in their Contract of Carriage that specifically states transport can be refused “when the passenger …fails to obey the instruction of any member of the flight crew.” So, they were well within their right to kick a passenger who was being uncooperative with the instructions of the flight crew off the flight.

Thing is:

  1. The passenger – after being threatened with jail – agreed to give up the seat he paid for and hold his toddler in his lap.
  2. The whole family was booted off anyway.
  3. The flight attendant tells the passenger that per FAA rules, two-year-old child cannot have their own seats, and must sit in their parents’ laps the entire time. Unless I’m missing something, that is a blatant lie..

When traveling with a baby, most commercial airlines define an infant as less than two years old (no more than 24 months of age). Since children vary in size, it’s recommended that parents travel with the child’s birth certificate if he or she is between one and two years of age. Most airlines require children under two to be accompanied by an adult over 18 years of age. However, some allow the adult to be only 14.

If the child meets the age requirement, parents are not required to buy a kid’s airline ticket for a domestic flight as long as the child is traveling with a paying ticketed adult. Instead, children under two can legally ride on the parent’s lap. For international flights, lap children may have to pay 10 percent of the adult fare and taxes and surcharges may be applicable. The airline might even require them to have a paper ticket purchased at the 10 percent rate.

Nothing I have seen specifies that a child who is two years old cannot fly in a car seat in his own seat and must sit in a parent’s lap, as the flight attendant claims. Nothing. As a matter of fact, the FAA specifies that “Your arms aren’t capable of holding your child securely, especially during unexpected turbulence.” 

So Delta lied.

And Delta, on its own company website recommends children under the age of 2 should fly in individual seats while secured in an approved car seat, and the LA Times spoke with FAA spokeswoman Allison Duquette, who told them FAA rules only govern safety, and there is no written federal policy about the use of an assigned seat by a passenger who is not the person the ticket was originally purchased for, as the airline staff claimed in the video, according to FAA spokeswoman Allison Duquette, who said FAA rules only govern safety.

So Delta lied again.

So once again the plane is overbooked, the passengers are already seated in the seats for which they paid, and the employee attempts to force them to vacate one seat by forcing them to hold a toddler in their lap for five hours by threatening them with jail and lying to them. And when the threat worked, and they grudgingly agreed, they were thrown off the flight anyway, and their seats were given away, while they had to purchase new tickets at the bargain price of $2000 the next day to get home. They were not belligerent. They were not a threat to anyone’s safety. And yet, the airline decided to kick them off anyway.

I suppose their claim that they originally bought the seat for one child, but then used it for their second child, so therefore the first child is technically a no-show, so they can give the seat away, does hold some merit – technically. However, I would submit that this is the shittiest, most repugnant excuse for customer service I’ve seen since United had Dr. Dao dragged off its plane limp and bloodied. Fact is they paid for this seat. Fact is they lied to him about FAA regulations. Fact is THEY THREATENED HIM WITH JAIL! Literally, jail – for the heinous crime of wanting to retain the seat for which he had already paid. Fact is they booted off this family even though, the video clearly shows the passenger kept his cool and in the end agreed to take the child in his lap.

After relenting, and then being told that the family will have to leave the flight anyway, the passenger asks what he’s supposed to do – at midnight – and how he’s supposed to get home. The flight cunt replies “Sir, you should have thought about that in the beginning. At this point you guys are on your own.”

I’m beginning to suspect that unless you shell out hundreds of dollars extra to fly first or business class, you’re nothing but a nuisance to American air carriers. You’re something to be disdained because you chose the least expensive option for your flight. You are something to be abused, if they feel it’s necessary, because FUCK YOU! That’s why. You paid less, so you must be some poor trash that can be treated as such. You’re cattle to be treated as something less than human, even though you may have paid thousands of dollars for a seat in their overcrowded, smelly, many times filthy tin can.

But until passengers refuse to travel by air en masse, this kind of treatment will continue, because the airlines are happy to know you have few other options.

And hell, even if we boycott air travel, I’m sure they’ll just whine about how they’re critical to national security and get more taxpayer dollars anyway.

How to spot a fake news story (UPDATED)

There’s fake news, and there’s FAKE NEWS. There’s spin, and then there’s such complete imbecilic fuckery disguised as “reporting,” that the moment you read it, you should ridicule it and block the site. Anyone with a shred of knowledge or an inclination to check actual links in a story that claims to be “news,” should be able to discern fact from bullshit, but just in case, let me demonstrate.

A few days ago, some rabid cock weasel writing for some outfit named DC Memo, that claims to provide “news and commentary from our nation’s capital,” wrote an article titled, “Obama Using Top Secret iPad to Take Pics of Michelle.”

The title unequivocally claims that Barack Obama, who left office in January, is publicly using a classified device that he took from the government to take photos of his wife. This is a federal crime, and the headline is misleading and libelous. Let me explain.

After leaving the presidency, Barack Obama has been spotted using his favorite iPad to take photos of his wife while on a David Geffen-owned megayacht in Tahiti. But this may be no ordinary iPad. A government watchdog speculates that he may have taken the Top Secret version out of the Oval Office, a big no-no.

Note the language.

Barack Obama is using his favorite iPad to take photos of his wife, but it MAY be no ordinary iPad. This is already speculative. The idiot who wrote the piece links to Judicial Watch, claiming that the organization speculates Obama may have taken the TS version of the tablet out of the Oval when he left.

This is no longer fact, as claimed in the title, but conjecture. Further, if you click on the links provided as evidence for said claim, you will see this:

We can’t tell what iPad is being used by the former president, and the story postulates that this is a TS tablet that he somehow stole from the intelligence community and is now publicly using it to take photos of his wife.

But do you know what photo comes up when the story is linked on social media?


This. With the same libelous title.

Does this look like the photo was taken on a yacht, as the article claims? What kind of fucktard would wear a suit and tie on a yacht?

So what is this absurd claim based on?

The link to Judicial Watch claiming that the organization speculates he may have taken the iPad leads to the organization’s home page. I have done several different searches to find out what, if anything, Judicial Watch has written about an ostensibly missing presidential daily brief (PDB) tablet. I couldn’t find a thing. No speculation about any missing iPad. No accusation – not even an indirect one – about Obama having taken the tablet out of the White House.

Additionally, the TS tablet that contains the PDB is completely disabled and cannot in any way connect to any wi-fi, why in the world would Obama take a photo of her that he cannot share? Being a pretty tech savvy guy, one would think any device he would use to photograph his wife would be able to connect to the net, so that these photos can be shared.

The report claims there is a top secret iPad that went missing during the transition, and claims White House staffers were searching for it. There is no link to any reporting confirming this claim, and no actual source is named. Additionally, the fuckwit who wrote this travesty claims, “The iPad device that Obama is suspected to have taken with him into civilian life still has access to current Presidential Daily Briefs (PDBs). Trump associates believe this device may be giving the ex-president an “over the shoulder” view inside the secret workings of the Trump Administration.”

Now, I’m wondering how it is that a tablet that is not wi-fi enabled, and requires the intelligence community to load the information onto it in a secure location daily, which means the old data on it is deleted, can possibly contain information about the “secret workings of the Trump Administration.”

Here’s a clue, it can’t. The “journalistic” douche circus is so eager for a “gotcha” story against Obama, that he contradicts himself in froth flecked zeal to nail the former POTUS. And if you don’t think there’s a mechanism on this tablet that erases all the information on it automatically after a certain amount of time, in case the device gets accidentally lost or left behind, you’re as much of a moron as this “writer” is.

The National Archives, this chucklefuck claims, was also “unaware” of the existence of the iPad, because somehow he thinks the PDB staff can’t reuse the tablets and would hand them over to the National Archives instead.

“A member of the Obama team declined to comment for this report,” he concludes, as if somehow this is a condemnation against the former President.

Perhaps said member thought the story was so stupid, that he considered it to have been a waste of his time to even bother talking to this retardified butt penguin.

So let’s recap.

The title makes a definitive claim that Obama is committing a crime.

The story then speculates that Obama is committing a crime, based on the fact that he has a personal iPad and on spurious claims that there’s a missing presidential iPad that somehow, even though it’s not wi-fi enabled, is receiving current presidential daily briefs, and that Obama is reading them to get intel on the Trump administration… or something.

And to add insult to injury, it provides links that absolutely do not support said speculation and sets a default photo that when shared shows the President in a completely other situation, at another time, that has nothing to do with the original claim that he was using an iPad on a boat while on vacation to take photos of his wife.

This, boys and girls, is how you spot bullshit.

By the way, if you want to keep your sanity, do NOT read the comments at the bottom of the original story. The retardulous FAIL will make your brain bleed.

Don’t say you haven’t been warned.

UPDATE: Looks like the idiotarians removed that “story.” Maybe someone sent them my article? Hmmmmm?

Filthy Antifa Whore Lies

Normally, I wouldn’t call someone a Filthy Antifa Whore (FAW). However, since Moldylocks, who was shown getting punched out at this weekend’s Berkeley protests by some dude everyone claims is a fascist/racist/neo-nazi/somethingorother, is a nasty, unwashed, slovenly sow, and since she did, in fact, demonstrate riot, throw bottles, and assault people at a rally for a President whom she apparently does not like, and since there are photos of said skank on the Internet baring her unshaven, unwashed, beaver and sprocket, that probably reek of week-old garbage and decaying pork, wide for the world – and presumably her parents – to see, I think FAW is appropriate.

No, I’m not giving you a link, pervs. When I ran across it while doing an image search on the protests the other day, I’m pretty sure I developed a severe case of post-traumatic stress, and I may or may not have gone blind for an unspecified period of time, while desperately stumbling around my house trying to find enough brain bleach to erase that image from my mind forever. Suffice it to say that cum-gurgling sausage junkie gives the term “bearded clam” an entire new meaning.

Her mommy and daddy must be so proud!

The FAW decided to speak out to the uber-friendly media – journowhores who will take any opportunity to make Trump supporters or anyone who didn’t worship at the cankles of Queen Pantsuit – look like a horde of fascist monkeys.

She was just a peaceable protester, you see.

She was just there to show her support, you see.

They were “rushed” by the counter-demonstrators, you see.

Her boyfriend disappeared, you see (oh-so-brave soul, who probably saw some pissed off demonstrators, who decided they’d had just about enough bullshit from the black-clad fascist crowd, and decided to hide, while his filthy hippie whore decided to engage in some assault) and she was just trying to protect herself.

“There was no time for emotion,” she said. “I was just terrified. I didn’t have time to process what was happening to me. All I knew was I was trying to find my boyfriend and not get hit…When it was happening I realized they were trying to crack my skull on the curb and on the rocks in the planter.”

During the entire attack, Rosealma said she never saw any Berkeley police officers. She also said the attack was unprovoked.

“I didn’t exchange words with anyone,” she said. “I was just standing there.”

Funny how the journaljizzer reporting on this story didn’t include photos that clearly show the FAW is lying.

Like this.

Oh, whoops! Who would that be holding a bottle with the all-telling dreadlocks snaking out from under her hat?

And who would this be, viciously attacking that guy before getting “equal treatment” at the hands of her would-be victim?

Oh, did you want a clearer photo of the FAW getting her ass handed to her as she holds said bottle?

What’s that red arrow pointing to? Would that be a bottle? Gee, but she was just an innocent protester, lending her support, right? She only accidentally ran into that guy’s fist!

And she didn’t plan on violence, right?

Except that she did. Publicly. On Facebook. With her barely literate minions encouraging her “beat they ass.” Of course, now her account has been locked tight, but the Internet is forever, you noxious cum dumpster, and there are plenty of screen shots out there.

None of the “news” outlets covering this story mention this awkwardly inconvenient visual evidence. None of them even tried to appear balanced in any way! They’re simply all falling all over themselves to paint this hairy, walking septic tank of spectacular FAIL as a victim.

I’m used to the media being a completely biased, cocked up horde of communist-fellating fucknozzles. But to pretend to be objective, when there’s so much visual evidence available that contradicts the FAW’s claim of innocent victimhood? Come on!

She was not a victim. She was not innocent. She came to that protest fully prepared to attack those who dared to hold different political views than she did. What she didn’t expect is for the targets of her rage boner to fight back.

Recall when I said to prepare for civil war?

Just remember how that fucking fist felt cracking into your face, you miserable, lying sack of cunt. I’m pretty sure no one is going to play nice with you any longer.

Karma is a bitch.

Target apparently hires lazy, apathetic incompetents

So my parents got scammed out of $6,000 today. They’re elderly, and they can’t really afford to lose that much. They’re a bit naive, because having been born abroad, they’re not really well versed in the plethora of scams perpetrated by fetid pieces of detritus all over the world. And worst part is that they love their family so much, that they completely lose any semblance of common sense when they think their children or grandchildren are in trouble.

This particular scam is not uncommon. It’s a well known ruse, and when I sent my dad to the police station to report it, the officer who took his report said he was the third complainant about that scam that day.

The scam is what’s known as the grandparent scam. It’s a variation on one that had been going around Germany a few years ago, in which a parent was ostensibly called by someone associated with their child and told the child had been involved in a crime and arrested, and of course, thousands of dollars were needed to bail said child out of jail. From what I gather, these were Russian speaking criminals, who specifically targeted Russian immigrants, and specifically looked for Russian sounding names in phone directories to swindle people out of money. In this particular case, the grandparent is informed that his or her grandchild is in jail and needs money for bail.

Roger made the mistake of saying his granddaughter Michelle’s name. The female voice didn’t sound familiar, but the woman jumped on Roger’s use of a name and said she was calling from California. She put a “lawyer” on the phone who said Michelle was riding in a car, when police stopped it and found a pound of marijuana under the driver’s seat. Because “Michelle” was riding in the car, she was being held in jail and needed $4,000 to make bail.

But the lawyer didn’t want $4,000 in a wire transfer or money order. He wanted Roger to purchase two $2,000 gift cards from Target.

Crazy as it sounded, Roger said he was so frazzled by his 35-year-old granddaughter possibly being held in jail that he ran to the bank to get $4,000 in cash. He then drove to the Target in Medford, Long Island, and bought the two gift cards.

This is exactly what happened to my father. He was so emotionally frazzled by the idea that Danny was in jail for a DUI, he immediately ran over to Target and purchased four gift cards to send to the scammer.

He was also warned not to contact me, because Danny signed some paperwork that required confidentiality. Not being versed in bail procedures, or legal procedures of any kind, my father – a man with two Masters degrees in engineering – got so frightened at the idea of his grandson being in jail, he kept this from me until it was too late.

This is what these people do. They prey on the fears of the elderly, whom they consider easy marks, and who are likely unfamiliar with the details of such scams, and they strike.

Target is another story, however.

The caller demanded that my father buy the cards with cash, call him back, and give him the gift card numbers over the phone. When my father went back to the Target where he bought the cards three hours later and asked them to flag and cancel those gift cards, they had already been redeemed in another state.

They redeemed the gift cards without having them in hand. Just like that.

A customer came in with $6000 in cash and bought four gift cards. A transaction that large should have set off at least SOME alarm bells.

Structuring of a large transaction into four smaller ones. It’s not quite smurfing as it’s done in financial transfers, but again, any company that deals in cash and gift cards should at least train their personnel to spot suspicious transactions!

And then there’s the redeeming of a large transaction amount in another state. No ID needed. No actual card present. The cards were redeemed in another state within a couple of hours. No one at Target thought this was in any way sketchy? There was no need to have the actual card present?

A little training and awareness would have raised red flags – especially when a customer smurfed a large amount of cash into four smaller transactions, and especially when the cards were then redeemed almost immediately in another state.

Target was aware their gift cards were being used in such a manner, and took what appears to be zero steps in mitigating the problem. When a New York TV station contacted Target public affairs for a statement, they received a canned statement, and never answered the reporter’s question about why these gift cards could be converted or redeemed in another state.

“Target is committed to providing a secure environment for our guests and team members. As a part of that commitment, we take a multi-layered, comprehensive approach to preventing theft and fraud that includes innovative programs and partnerships with local law enforcement, technology and team member training. We are aware of scams like these and have communicated to our store teams in the area. Additionally, we are actively working with law enforcement.”

Actively working with law enforcement, are ya?

Then why is it that an obvious illicit financial red flag was either ignored or missed by your personnel – both on the purchasing end and on the redeeming end?

The Internet is filled with information about financial red flags. You know what is usually first on the list? Be alert to the customer who wants to purchase multiple gift cards, particularly in large dollar denominations.

You know what the best advice is when one is redeeming gift cards? Ask for photo ID!

After being made aware that their cards were being used in a scam, Target, despite their claims to the contrary, apparently did little to nothing to mitigate this problem.

Or, they have morons for employees.

Look, I understand that ultimately, my parents are responsible for becoming victims. They are vulnerable, not always informed, and driven by emotions and a passionate love for their kids and grandkids. That’s why, when someone called claiming their grandchild was in trouble, they sprung into action without thinking, without contacting me, and with only one thought: must help Danny!

My father didn’t ask Target to refund the money. He didn’t cause a scene. He merely asked them to flag the gift cards as fraudulent and deny the transaction if anyone attempted to redeem them. But it was too late. Without so much as a blink, Target allowed $6000 in gift cards to be redeemed within an hour of purchase. In another state. Without ID. And without the cards even being present.

It’s a tough lesson to learn for my parents, for sure.

That said, Target’s inability or unwillingness to mitigate the problem even slightly, after having known about it for several months, and the lack of common sense among their employees when they allowed this transaction to occur without a second glance, and worse yet, allowed the cards to be redeemed in another state without the card being present and without ID being presented almost immediately after the purchase was made, that’s on them.

It’s appalling. I guess being hacked a few years ago didn’t make them any more cautious.

My parents learned. They will call me before doing anything like this again, and I will make sure they don’t screw up.

Target hasn’t learned yet.

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