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Public Service Announcement to Millennial Men

My buddy Jason this morning informed me that during a conversation he had with his hairdresser, he was told that more and more younger men are asking for their hair to be colored grey or with grey highlights, ostensibly to lend them more gravitas and make them look more distinguished.

I may or may not have looked at him like a confused Lab puppy before launching into a diatribe.

But, oh God it’s true!

Look, guys! You know what will give you gravitas? Experience, knowledge, skill, education, and awareness.

You know what will make you more distinguished? The way you carry yourselves, confidence, style, the ability to carry on a mature conversation without using the word “Bro,” accomplishment, and inner strength.

You know what won’t make anyone take you seriously, you man-bun sporting, sniveling, millennial douche cakes?

HAVING YOUR HAIRDRESSER PUT GREY HIGHLIGHTS IN YOUR HAIR!

There’s no pretending to be sophisticated. You either have it, or you are a guffawing bro, who drinks craft beer because he thinks it’s cool, and who thinks the mere appearance of age is a viable substitute for experience, knowledge, understanding of the world around you, and actual expertise.

Don’t do it! For the sake of all that is good and right, refrain!

Thatisall.

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28 responses

  1. OH, for Pete’s sake! Okay, as one whose natural color is now gray, I will say that usually, gray hair either denotes wisdom or early-onset senility.

    In these idiots, I’d lean toward E.O.S.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Meanwhile many women are coloring their hair to hide the grey. *laugh*

    My ex was greying in his early 30’s. I still have very little grey at 52. It’s hair people, deal.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve been going grey since I was 18, and yeah, I’m coloring that shit!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My mom colored her hair until it was all white, then gave up and embraced her “cotton ball hair”, as one of my sons used to say.

        Like

        1. I am hoping mine turns all silver, or all white! So far though, I seem to have inherited that from my father – he was a silver fox but we had him dye his hair (after a month of his growing it out without dyeing) because it aged him a good 20 years, and didn’t suit his normally energetic self.

          Like

  3. Oh hell no. Please, no.

    I started going gray pretty early, so I have a fair bit at this point in my life. I’m OK with it, but I do NOT want to look like some millennial douchetaco who is trying to get a “look.”

    Ugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. HA … what a bunch of twitwillies, guys coloring your hair, suck it up you douchophile pissbag, grow up and become a man, if you don’t know maybe you can look at a few pics of your grandpop, cause you sure din’t get any of it from your pop. Quit trying to be something you are clearly not. Life’s hard, and manliness comes with suffering through the lessons of life, it’s not about how your stinking hair looks you pisswankers…. Life’s hard, it’s even harder if your stupid…..suck it up…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m gray AND balding. The babes will be all over me now.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Un. Effing. Believable. Beyond pathetic. We are all DDD

    (Drowning in Derp and Douchebaggery)

    >

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Eh, it sounds silly, but is it really that much different from women having their hair streaked with blonde?

    Like

    1. It is in a way, because it’s an attempt to look distinguished, rather than just have fun with your do.

      Like

  8. Wat. No. Just no.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I totally support this movement if you’re attempting to get 10% off at the movie theater. 🙂

    Somehow I doubt it will work, but it would be fine for you to try.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Silentium Est Aureum | Reply

    And real men have barbers, not hairdressers.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Actually, I was told there was something about the licensing that makes some need a hairdresser license. I can’t remember offhand what that was about, but I remember thinking yet again the bloody government ruins everything.

      Like

    2. I have to go with Silentiumreum Est Aureum. Men go to barbers. Women go to hairdressers.

      Like

  11. At 61, my hair is getting thin but it’s still black. My mustache and sideburns are gray and so is my beard when I grow one. So where are all the women?

    Like

  12. So much nope. Not sexy. Not cute. Not distinguished.

    You, sir, look like a douche bag.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Patrick Chester | Reply

    Hmph. I’ve got more grey and receding hairline. Youngsters want this look?! Bah. *eyeroll*

    Like

  14. Wow, I’m finally a trendsetter!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. And I can say I knew you when!

      Like

  15. Ghost Rider 6 | Reply

    My hair stylist told me the same thing about a customer of hers. When I expressed amazement, she told me he had an older lady friend.

    Apparently he was more interested in genitalia than gravitas.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Can we convince them that the grey manbun should be enhanced by a samurai style chonmage

    Something like this

    https://slm-assets3.secondlife.com/assets/8419052/view_large/Chonmage_GREY_PT03.jpg?1379406372

    Liked by 1 person

    1. An acquaintance of mine had to spend several months in Japan at the behest of his employer. He mentioned he would have to shop for some appropriate clothes.

      I tried quite hard to persuade him to go in a traditional kimono and warabi. And an appropriate hairstyle.

      He wimped out and bought a couple of suits. But the thought of Samurai Dan walking into Mitsubishi’s engineering department still brightens my imagination. Particularly considering that he’s six and a half feet tall, lifts weights, and is indubitably Caucasian…

      Liked by 2 people

      1. BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA you baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad man.

        Like

  17. I have three brothers, one of them my twin. We all started to go bald at an early age, but I kept mine the longest. I was 19 when it started to spend more time in my hairbrush than on my head. Now, at 56, if I let what hair I have grow out, I either get called Bozo the clown, for the ring around my head that fluffs up, or I look like I am 80 years old because of the grey. So I started shaving my entire head at about 30. It is not a simple hair choice, it takes some work to maintain, but at least I can pretend that it is my choice, and not mother natures. And I never had any female complain about my lack of hair. My lack of social skills, manners, up bringing, etc, yes, but hair, no.

    Like

  18. Looking considerably younger then you are, in some professions, means you’re not taken seriously. One of my jobs had a co-worker a whopping 18 months older then me. Talking to one of the girls in the business office one day, discovered everyone in the office thought he was nearing retirement age and I was in my low 30’s. I was 43 at the time. Whenever we had meetings with contractors they’d always ask him questions because he looked older and more experienced. He had worked in two places, and knew nothing about systems, only about equipment he had worked on after being shown what to do by someone else. They assumed when he deferred questions to me he was trying to give me experience. Any contractor who stuck around for a while soon learned if they needed answers, they had to go to me, because I had them. Looking old is equated with wisdom, when often, as was his case, it’s just piss poor lifestyle.

    Like

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