Does this crazy bitch get paid for this?

A couple of weeks ago, I was walking to the office from the metro, when I saw a tiny little creature sprawled on the sidewalk next to a tall tree in LaFayette Park. It was a tiny black squirrel baby, and he was teetering around on his tiny little squirrel legs, apparently still too young to run around. I assessed he had fallen out of the tree, or was pushed out by his siblings.

I stopped.

He stumbled over to me and just sat in front of me.

I bent down to stroke his soft little back, and he didn’t run away.

I wasn’t sure what to do, so I called DC animal control, because I was afraid inattentive humans, whether walking with their noses in their phones or riding their bikes would run the tiny little guy over. The nice man on the other end of the line was probably amused at my near-panicked concern about this teeny creature, and told me to pick him up and place him near the tree out of the way of pedestrians and bikes. (Yes, I assumed the squirrel’s gender, and in my head I named him George)

While I was on the phone with animal control, George decided to clumsily climb onto my foot and play with the buckle on my shoe! George was obviously a very brave baby squirrel.

This is George. He looks much bigger in this photo than he actually was. He was roughly the size of my palm.

After hanging up with animal control, I scooped George up into my hands and carried him to the tree, away from uncaring humans and speeding bicyclists. George sat in my cupped hands and made little squeaky squirrel noises. He sniffed me and may have taken a tiny little nibble of my thumb. He didn’t break the skin; I think he was just trying to figure out what I was. I looked closely at George’s tiny little face, resisted the urge to take him to the office with me wrapped in my suit jacket, and placed him next to the tree.

George was a black squirrel, or an eastern fox squirrel, apparently native to eastern and southeastern United States.

I never considered George’s color, nor what he ate. I thought about bringing him some nuts. I know we have all kinds of squirrels in LaFayette Park, including ginger, grey, and black ones. He looks grey-ish in this photo, but he actually was a little black critter.

But apparently, I should have noticed, because eastern fox squirrels are ostensibly the victims of RACISM! The media is apparently biased against black squirrels!

How do I know this? Because some bored, attention-seeking, perpetually aggrieved sow of an “associate professor” (emphasis mine) at California State Polytechnic University says so, and has done an entire research paper on the topic! No, I’m not kidding. I wish I was. Get a load at this word salad.

Drawing on feminist food studies and feminist posthumanist theories of intersectionality and performativity, this article draws out the implications of a feminist posthumanist politics of consumption for animal geography and feminist geography.


By juxtaposing feminist posthumanist theories and feminist food studies scholarship this article demonstrates how eastern fox squirrels: (1) are subjected to gendered, racialized, and speciesist thinking as a result of their feeding/eating practices, their unique and unfixed spatial arrangements in the greater Los Angeles region, and the western, modernist human frame through which humans interpret these actions (Deckha 2012; Hovorka 2015; Lloro-Bidart 2016) and (2) ontologically defy society’s boundedness as they demand the freedom to eat whatever they choose in the city.

This is how far the Covenant of the Chafed Cunt is willing to dig to find offense, racism, marginalization, and other “evidence” of just how depraved our society is. This “professor” dug through 18 months’ worth of news articles, blogs, government publications, and other sources to find evidence for her contention that eastern fox squirrels are the victims of RAAAAACISM in California, when viewed through the feminist lens.  She claims that because most of the popular news articles maligned these little guys for their feeding habits, she figured she’d focus her lens of feminist rage on this particular issue.

…eastern fox squirrels’ consumption of bird eggs and baby birds and mammals has similarly made them the target of conservationists in southern CA. In this case, instead of ‘concerns about cruelty’ related to the killing of animals for food becoming ‘a vehicle for ethnocentrism and even imperialism,’ (Kim 2015, 83), such concerns become a vehicle for conservationists to displace their own concerns about species loss in the greater Los Angeles region onto the eastern fox squirrel.


These connections between the eastern fox squirrel’s eating of ‘everything’ and the fecundity of the [nonnative] squirrel resonate with what Subramaniam calls the ‘oversexed female’ narrative, where ‘[f]oreign women are typically associated with superfertility – reproduction gone amuck’ (2001, 31).

In other words, this perpetually aggrieved, constantly searching for offense, word vomit spewing bobblehead is claiming her funhouse mirror feminist telescope is showing her that poor eastern fox squirrels are being discriminated against on the West Coast.

In the process she disgorges SJW buzzwords such as “intersectionality,” “feminism,” “power,” “ethnocentrism,” and “resistance” in order to show how our views of fat women color Angelinos’ views of darker squirrels… because they’re gendered, racialized, and speciesist… or something.

Really. Is this freak pickle getting paid to spew this shit?

Interesting note: I wanted to see what else this creature has spewed, but her social media and her website have all mysteriously disappeared.


33 responses

  1. Lets hope the school yanked on her fucking leash. but I doubt it. You should keep an eye out for George.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have. Because I’m totally wondering if I’ve imprinted on him as his mom! LOL

      Liked by 2 people

      1. But wouldn’t that be species appropriation? How dare you.


        1. George identifies as a Hispanic, trans woman. I have it on good authority.


  2. Ostensibly scientific or opinion papers with many words ending with “-ism” and “-ist”, are rarely valuable for anything except for entertainment or humor.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Blast Hardcheese | Reply

      >Ostensibly scientific or opinion papers with many words ending with “-ism” and “-ist”, >are rarely valuable for anything except for entertainment or humor.

      Usually most suitable as bird cage liner.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Or kindling or emergency toilet paper


      1. Not absorbent enough.


  3. Assistant professors at Cal Poly Pomona make $86k/annually, regardless of the bullshit they regurgitate for academic “journals”

    I’m obviously working in the wrong field.


    1. You think that’s bad, check out modern art museums. Several pieces of “art” you’d mistake for trash are going for hundreds of thousands. So if you want to make at least 250k here’s what you do, step 1: leave a piece of cardboard in a truck stop bathroom stall with marker for a week, step 2: come up with some pretentious fluff about the human condition, step 3: PROFIT!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I feel dumber from having read her nonsense.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I could actually *smell* the stupid coming off that “article!” Either that or it was so stupid that it’s given me so much brain damage that I’m about to have a stroke.


  6. We have red fox squirrels in our trees. My cats play with them, and the dogs chase them. There are black Albert’s squirrels (with the tufted ears) up in the mountains, and occasionally we’ll see gray squirrels or black fox squirrels. They all taste the same.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. “Feminist food theory”
    “Feminist posthumanist studies”
    “Feminist geography”

    was this article on The Onion?



    Liked by 1 person

  8. At least she wrote it about California and not some other part of the country; at first I was assuming she was going to call either the East Coast or somewhere in the interior (probably the South) ‘racist’.


  9. I have no idea what in the blue-eyed, gobsmacked world squirrels of any species have to do with feminazi rants, but I do have an issue with squirrels in general.

    First, the females do all the work. Someone should tell that pseudo-feminist bitch about that. Maybe her head will explode. The male squirrels just hand out, looking for sex and food.

    Second, you can tell the girls from the boys because the girls will always get fat as a result of pregnancy, while the boys will maintain their slender squirrel physiques.

    Third, squirrels steal anything that resembles food, including the freaking seeds you plant in the pots on your front steps. They think dirt means that they buried something there and they should dig in to find out. I’ve planted seeds they don’t like (forgetmenots) or are too tiny (oregano) but they still dig in my pots!

    Now, if ‘George’ was on the sidewalk, he probably fell out of the nest by accident or went wandering and got lost. Nature tends to take care of itself most of the time. Or it’s possible that George’s mama got picked up by a local raptor such as a falcon or a hawk, if there are any in WDC. Squirrels are raptor targets because one squirrel will feed several raptor babies very nicely.

    Ms. Rantsacking Babblemouth doesn’t know her ass from a hole in the ground about much of anything, if I read her drivel with a jaundiced eye (which I did). She’s just another attention-whoring, loud-mouthed, obnoxious twit with a bone to pick and manufactured angst to drive her need to crank out drivel. She’s full of squirrel shit. And she sounds like an extremely unpleasant person into the bargain.

    I’m glad you did put the little furball back in a tree, even so. Have a good day.


    1. I love that little guy! The noises he made were the cutest little squeaks! It was adorable!

      Sounds like you got some squirrel dick envy going on there, babe! 😉


    2. I don’t know what it’s called but you can get wire mesh with 1/2 inch (or maybe 3/4 inch) spacing. Or chicken wire. You can make a 5 gallon bucket sized cover for your pots which still lets in 99 percent of the sun and water and will keep the little bastards out.


  10. I’m wondering if it was a deliberate troll of the education system, a la Heinlein’s Laziest Man.

    Because if it was actually intended as a serious work, and accepted as such, that system needs to be cleansed with fire and sword….


    1. Nothing would surprise me. Although, it is interesting that all her social media presences have been erased, as has any trace of her on that school’s site.


  11. “when viewed through the feminist lens”… Yeah, there’s no possibility of reality distortion there!

    Holy cow Nicki, where do you find this brain-damaged (and reader-brain *damaging*) stuff?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Social media FTW! LOL


  12. Patrick Chester | Reply

    A squirrel Nicki can call her own! She will hug him and hold him and call him “George!” 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  13. 11B-Mailclerk | Reply

    If she got some “intersection” once in a while, maybe her writing would be a little less hateful, hmmm?

    (somewhere, a Feminist’s head just exploded….)


  14. I’m having a great deal of difficulty believing this is real.
    The name of the author anagrams into “A blistered oral rot” and “Distortable or real.”
    I prefer to regard this as an elaborate hoax. It was published on April 13, so maybe it’s a late April Fool?

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Holy hell. Peak critical race theorist may have been reached.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Patrick Chester | Reply

      No. I’m sure another prog will exceed this… special person’s rantings at some point.


  16. If you think that was bad, try “Black Anality” (no, I’m not making that up):

    This “professor” is at Northwestern (and is surely well paid).


  17. Baby squirrels have a demanding feeding schedule when young, but the result is worth it. The are amazingly smart and playful (check Youtube).

    I would much rather spend my life in the company of an Eastern Grey Squirrel than a third wave SJW feminist because they squirrel wouldn’t be totally nuts.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Gee, thanks! My IQ just dropped 20 points.


  19. A couple of decades ago, the Detroit area’s native grey squirrel population, which is mostly light brown in color, was invaded by black squirrels known as Russian squirrels, that managed to make it over from Ontario. Over the years, the Russian squirrels, which are larger, more aggressive and less intelligent, have replaced the grey squirrels as the black squirrels pushed west.

    A friend of mine was working for the Detroit Free Press and she wrote about the change in the local squirrel population. She was told by her editor that she could not say that “black squirrels” were more aggressive and less intelligent and instead had to use the more formal Russian squirrel.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. For more fun word salad
    Fucking geographers! Or the epistemological consequences of neglecting the lusty researcher’s body
    We are all paying for this BS, we should at least get a good laugh.


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