Here’s a “Revelation”

Chelsea Handler is a moron.

I didn’t even know who this daft bint was until she saw it fit to rudely ridicule Melania Trump’s foreign accent in January. Handler, you see, doesn’t like 45 too much, and even helped lead a women’s march in Utah after his inauguration. OK, he’s not for everyone. I get that.

But this dried up hag went a step further when asked if she would ever have the First Lady on her show.  “To talk about what? She can barely speak English.”

For the record, Melania Trump was born in Slovenia, and speaks Slovenian, English, French, Serbian and German. I wonder how many languages Chelsea Handler can speak – other than retard.

Apparently, only English, and even that is lacking, judging from her tweet about Eric Trump’s announcement that he and his wife are expecting their first baby.

Those jeans! Those terrible jeans! Let’s hope they’re not the mom jeans with the plastic panels on the knees, because those are horrible!

I shouldn’t be surprised at the ignorance of this screeching slag, I suppose. It does bother me, as an immigrant, as someone who speaks multiple languages, and someone who obviously has better command of the English language than this Handler knobgobbler, that she would stoop so low as to ridicule someone whose first language is something other than English, and who obviously is more educated and accomplished than this sow, as something less than literate.

My mom has an engineering degree. She speaks Russian, English, and Ukrainian. She does have an accent, and she is embarrassed by it – so much, that she will still ask me to make phone calls for her when I’m around, even though she’s lived in this country since 1980, and even though her English is just fine. My dad has two Masters degrees in engineering, and has spent his life working his way up after coming to this country with practically no English. He also speaks Russian, Polish, Yiddish, some French, some German, and Ukrainian. Handler has a high school diploma, sucked copious amounts of cock to get where she is, and is now using her significant soapbox to malign immigrants who happen to be married to a President she doesn’t like and said President’s children. People like Handler are part of the reason why making a simple phone call stresses my mom out. I find Handler’s comments particularly galling, given the fact that her own mother was a German immigrant.

As a kid, I was particularly scared to go to school each day, because I was the only Russian-speaking immigrant in the class, because my English was crap, and because my classmates knew very little about the Cold War other than “Russia is bad.” I couldn’t communicate with them. They didn’t understand why I wore the same clothes every day, why I brought only a meager lunch to school with me, why we couldn’t afford the candy and chips they all gobbled at lunchtime, and why the teacher, for the most part, ignored me, even when I knew the answer to a question she posed, mostly by muscling through the work and trying to understand it through context.

To make matters worse after tweeting about Eric Trump’s jeans, and proving herself to be not quite as dumb as a box of hammers and not nearly as useful, the nitwit doubled down on showing just how much of an imbecile she is by blaming her apparent drug use for the spelling error.

Apparently correct language usage goes out the window when what’s left of one’s grey matter is addled by the wacky tobacky, as does one’s sense of decency.

Weed is apparently not a new thing for Handler, who a year or so ago got stoned for her Netflix documentary series “Chelsea Does.” Because apparently drugs are just “fun to do,” says the celebutard bimbo. “I want to show people what happens when you get fucked ed-up.”

Here’s Funbags McDumbass with Snoop Dogg, tokin up like a beast.

Well, here’s what happens. You get stoned, you get the munchies, you can’t find any stale Doritos in your pad, you grab some kitty litter and eat that, washing it down with some cheap vodka, and then you tweet at the President’s son, while mangling the English language, while conveniently forgetting that you denigrated the First Lady – an immigrant, which is a class of people whom you ostensibly support, and which includes your own mom – for her apparently poor English skills, and you get ridiculed.

A lot.


13 responses

  1. My great grandmother spoke three languages – Arabic to her sons, French to her daughters, and English when she was pissed at you and wanted to get the point across. Everyone knew when she went to English to get the hell out of the way – if she couldn’t find the source of her irritation, she was going to unload on whoever she caught.

    At that, she was probably nicer at her worst than Handler at her best.


    1. My mom only curses in English, which is amusing coming out with a Russian accent. LOL!


      1. I was apparently channeling GG one day in Iraq chewing on one of my terps. He came in my office about an hour after an epic ass chewing, apologized and says,

        “Why do you speak Arabic with a Lebanese accent?”

        So I had to own up. At which point I was part of the family.


  2. I never really thought Chelsea Handler was that funny. Similar to The Soup, she’s one angry lefty in a group of Hollywood lower middle class that seem to exaggerate their own importance.

    Her comment reminded me a bit of what California gubernatorial incumbent Gray Davis said about Arnold Schwartzenegger’s accent:

    Arnold won by a landslide, so apparently the general public isn’t impressed by comments like those.


    1. I know, right?


    2. Chelsea Knobgobbler.

      Or something like that.

      I hope I have satisfactorily answered your question.


  3. I haven’t done this in a long time, but I used to use French as a blunt weapon if someone annoyed me, or even better, the smatters of Tagalog that some sailor taught me. That was always fun. It’s even more fun to be able to speak that gibberish practiced by Mila Jovavich in ‘The Fifth Element’. And then there is enormous fun in saying words backwards to people who are thoroughly obnoxious. And if possible, cuss them out in Latin. The Romans were quite scatalogical, you know. Not nearly as prissy as my Latin teacher wanted us to believe. 🙂
    Pedicabo et vos irrumabo, culus stupri!
    If some pompous ass like Calfwit Handler thinks an accent is bad, i’d just love to give her a piece of my mind in Russian. On the other hand, if you helped me out with that, you’d probably spend more time trying to recover from laughing yourself into a coma than anything else.


  4. The most worthwhile thing the dumb bint has done is take her clothes off to protest instagram. That’s really not saying much.


    1. Oh geeze. Really!? Ugh.


      1. You can read about her fight with Instagram policy here if you’re feeling masochistic


        1. Eewwwww. The title makes it unappealing as fuck.


  5. I had no idea who this twitwaffle was myself. Clearly, no “hole in my culture”. She and that other calfwit (thanks Sara!) Jen Psaki should get together.


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