Catching up

So, I’ve been in Miami the past few days. I generally like TDYs, but not to Miami, because it’s a) hot, b) humid c) filled with the kind of annoying drunken coeds on spring break that make you want to climb a tower and start picking them off with a high-powered rifle.

Also, whenever I go to Florida, I invariably wind up with a three-day headache. This trip was no exception, so it made the numerous meetings I had to attend that much more miserable.

That said, we did have some excellent food, saw some very cool art in the Winwood district between meetings, and I got to talk to a class full of high school students about careers. Yeah, I know. Someone allowed me to speak to kids. I actually corrupted young minds. You can blame my buddy Tim, who is a high school teacher, and somehow thought it was a cool idea to expose his students to my special brand of crazy. I did not drop the F-bomb during my speech. I did, however, drop one several times as we walked outside. In front of kids. Apparently, that’s a no-no or something… as if they never heard the word, “fuck” before.

Le Sigh.

I did take some very cool photos in Winwood with my phone, and they have this awesome taco joint, where we got to sit outside, eat amazing food, and get glared at by feral kittens.

Because kittens.

So what happened while I was gone?

Apparently, someone leaked 45’s tax returns from 2005. After getting her acolytes in a frothing frenzy about the shock and awe contained in those documents, Rachel Maddow broadcast on her show that…

…Trump paid his taxes.

At a higher rate than Romney, Obama, and Bernie Sanders.

Wow… well, that was a letdown, eh unhinged leftists?

And guess what! I know you’ll be shocked at this, but not only did he pay his taxes in 2005, he’s still President!

I’ll let you take a woosah moment.

What else happened?

I was watching the news this morning at my hotel room, when they decided that this was somehow newsworthy.

Mom jeans. With plastic panels, so when you wear these monstrosities, everyone can see your knees. Because what you need more than anything in the world is plastic panels that make your skin exude oodles of moisture to sweat up these clear panels on a warm day. Because, see, plastic doesn’t exactly allow for air circulation.

Literally, WTF?

Is there anyone in the entire universe who would pay $95 and actually wear these things? They’re like chaps for your knees.

Perhaps Nordstrom needs to fire a buyer or two.

Next up is the fiasco of a health care bill the GOP decided to excrete out of its wrecked anus. Rob blogged about this dumpster fire, previously, as did our buddy Jason Pye at FreedomWorks. The Congressional Budget Office savaged the bill, and some Republicans are now running from it like a BLM protester after breaking the window of a convenience store.

Here’s a clue, GOP. You don’t take a horrible law, and make it worse by adding your own even more horrible law on top of it, and then expect everyone to do a happy dance, because “Oh, look! We did something!”

It’s time Republicans stopped being stupid, but I guess that’s too much to ask for.

Oh, it snowed in DC. From the looks of it, we got maybe an inch or two, but that apparently didn’t stop the panicked doofi from stampeding grocery stores like so much rabid cattle. It was in the 70s in Miami, and today was a positively frosty 60 degrees. Yes, be jealous.

Also, apparently, Amy Schumer had a comedy tragedy special on Netflix recently. Let’s put aside the fact that she really does remind me of a potato, and apparently has the IQ of one. She was apparently so unfunny and terrible, that the makers of “Ishtar” are breathing a sigh of relief, because their unwatchable dreck is no longer at the bottom of the cinematographic heap.

IMDB reviews were brutal.

This was painful to watch. Save yourself the time and don’t bother watching this train wreck (that lame pun was better than anything in this special). I have never been a big fan of Amy but she was better when she was stealing other people’s jokes. Maybe she search some old comedy tapes for new material. 1 star is generous for this slop.

If this show was a smell, it would smell of fermented beans and disease.

Mercifully it ended but I’ll never be able to get those wasted hours back. Amy if you ever read any of these reviews I have a special message for you: suicide is still an option.

On my flight back to DC, I finally got a chance to watch “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.” I loved it! Not because I’m a Harry Potter fan… well… not only because I’m a Harry Potter fan. I thought the design was stunning, Eddie Redmayne is a phenomenally talented actor, and he was at the same time shy, innocent, and a brilliant badass, Colin Farrell was just right for the role of the ultimate bad buy pre-Voldemort, and JOHNNY DEPP!

And finally, I’m excited, because Wonder Woman is finally coming out this June! As a kid, I watched Lynda Carter transform into Wonder Woman on TV every day, and I wanted to be her so badly! That series resulted in my wearing “bracelets” made of tin foil on my wrists and a desire to change my name to “Diana.” And now, Gal Gadot will bring one of my favorite superheroes to the big screen! And it looks terrific, so I’m more than excited!

And yes, now that I’m back from TDY, I will blog more regularly. Thanks for caring.


9 responses

  1. Alas, of late – I mostly look like a potato myself, unless the resulting photo is shot by an expert … under favorable lighting… but then my excuse is that I am 62 and not notably beautiful, even at the best of times. So I can’t slam too much on Amy S. But splendid with the HS students, I love an opportunity to talk with them – a time to be subversive, which the darlings always seem to appreciate.


  2. I know…you just can’t make this shit up, right?

    Thanks for the update on Amy Schumer. I’d been wondering what the “talking cunt” had been doing lately, other than making (Old Navy?) TV adverts in which she is about as funny as cancer but only half as charming.


  3. I knew you were up to no good when I saw you were away. High school students, really? I am surprised that they didn’t shock YOUR ears with the words they use now days. Actually, I used to work with our youth, an eon ago, and I found when you speak to them like adults, by golly, they actually pay attention and act like adults. If you don’t speak down to them, but expect them to act toward you the same way that you would an adult, they do, every time. But when you try to coddle them and allow them to think of themselves as young and not ready to deal with adult concepts, they act like that, as well, and you can’t get anything across to them. I spoke to a group of high school kids, once, in another leaders class. I had a burden for them, and so I let them have it. I told them about the pitfalls of sex before you were old enough to be able to understand the ramifications of it. I told them about the dangers of drug use, and alcohol abuse. I spoke to them for an hour about things that I wish someone had spoken with me about at that age. There was no little giggles, or sly looks, or blushing. What I had was 20 some kids sitting in rapt attention, listening like I had something to say, finally,in church, that they felt was useful to them. It is great to tell them that Jesus loves them, but many of the people that worked with them could just not relate that with their lives and what that meant to them. I was able to tell them that part of that was first that they had value, and that they needed to value themselves. Of course, the girls understood this message more deeply than the boys. After an hour, I let them ask questions, and they had intelligent questions to ask, unafraid to be upfront about mature topics that were before frowned upon in church. As far as I know, that was the only time that they were able to talk about those things openly there. Later, I had a few girls ask me questions aside. Always in a group of two or three, and only after looking over their shoulder, and with a lot of beating around the bush. Is it any wonder that I am seeing that the church is suffering from a steady loss of people attending. Nicki, I know your beliefs are different, but I also know that your view of young people is not. When we lie to them, or don’t allow them to know the truth, we are not doing them any favors. You used the word fuck in front of kids. That is horrible. The kids parents don’t teach them about sex and love and romance and responsible behavior, and everything else that goes with being an adult sexual being? That is child abuse. AAAnd once again I have taken over your blog. Sorry. Glad you are back. Get some rest and get over that headache.


  4. “wearing “bracelets” made of tin foil on my wrists”

    You have got to meet my sister. Ask her about the roll of tin foil. 😀


  5. Also really looking forward to Wonder Woman, the trailers look amazing and I love the actress chosen for the role. She did a great job in the last Superman movie in her much more than cameo appearance.


  6. I beg to differ. Potatoes bear little to no resemblance to the schruuumer. She couldn’t sell beer to drunks at a Renaissance Faire with both of her tatas hanging out in front.

    Potatoes not only serve a useful purpose, they also produce more potatoes. They are pliable in your hands. They willingly become mashed, french fried, boiled, roasted, sliced, diced, hashed and turned into soup and/or salad.

    Can the schruuumer do any of that? Nay, that only comes from the noble pomme de terre.


  7. Glad you made it out of there in one piece! 🙂


  8. […] jeans! Those terrible jeans! Let’s hope they’re not the mom jeans with the plastic panels on the knees, because those are […]


    1. By the way, I should have stated first that I am a huge fan of your writing and your site.

      Thank you. 🙂

      disagree that other NATO countries like Germany contribute enough.

      Oh no! Don’t get me wrong. I think they definitely need to contribute more! Absolutely! My issue is with the contention that somehow they owe us or NATO a debt.

      You make a big deal about NATO’s Article Five defense of the US after 9/11, but that was largely symbolic. NATO’s response was limited to five aircraft sent to the US for combat air patrol. Were German aircraft part of the response? I don’t even know, but it was more of a political response than a military response.

      I’m including ISAF in this.

      Even though the Germans were the third largest contributor to ISAF, it was NOT the third largest contributor in terms of combat (in my opinion).

      I actually don’t disagree with you there. They could have done better, and they did have ROEs that protected them more and we often complained about their force protection requirements, because it made them sometimes useless. That said, they did lose 54 Soldiers, they did stand up, and they did support us. I won’t begrudge them that, especially since we were the ones attacked. The Poles really suffered, given how small their country is, and how small their defense budget was. And yet, there they were – standing up with us, as were the tiny little Balts, who each experienced double digit GDP declines during the global economic downturn.

      I think you’re mistaking my criticism of what Trump tweeted for the view that somehow the other allies are sufficiently participating. They’re not, and you’ll never hear me say that. My purpose with this post was to clarify how all this works, because people just take whatever he tweets and run with it. The 9/11 attacks were the only time NATO actually invoked Article 5. I think that’s significant – whether you include ISAF in that reaction or not (I do, because they’re inextricably linked).


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