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Salon Shrewsplains Paella

paellaSome screeching, cunt-chafed harridan at Salon recently took to the Interwebz to shrewsplain to us why celebrities making paella in the wrong dish is apparently cultural appropriation. Mireia Triguero Roura sniffily tells us that while we were enjoying “unnecessarily gigantic meals” in our homes over the holidays (because she and her band of unshaven, rainbow-haired, perpetually offended harpies are ultimately the arbiters of what is necessary and what isn’t in other people’s lives), actor Rob Schneider was committing an act of nefarious cultural appropriation against Spain in his own home.

Spaniards were outraged. Some replied with angry, insulting tweets. Many sent pictures of their own paellas as inspiration. Others created fake, outrageous variations on the classic hot dog. A Spanish chef kindly took it upon himself to show the American actor what paella is and what it isn’t. For some hours, this became a trending topic in some regions in Spain. Schneider finally apologized and vowed to try to make it again, with all the new paella knowledge forced on to him through social media.

Massive raw lobster tails aside, Spaniards were reacting to what they felt was cultural appropriation of their cuisine.

Spaniards are certainly very proud of their cuisine, and we can be regionalists to a fault. No two towns can fully agree on what exactly you need to put in a paella. Some argue that onions give it the better flavor, but many will say that there is no place for them in the dish. Some take their issue with peas and fava beans, and others have unearthed family recipes going back to the 19th century to show that snails have a place on the rice. But small battles aside, there’s one thing everyone can agree on, and that is that one must cook paella in, well, a paella pan.

That’s right. Rob Schneider insensitively put stuff that he likes in his paella – in his own home – using the WRONG. FUCKING. PAN. – using ingredients he liked – and Spaniards lost their collective shit. Perhaps they should worry more about their abominable more than 18 percent unemployment rate, rather than soil themselves on Twitter because some celebrity posted a picture of his dinner, but that’s none of my business.

But then we have this Mireia Triguero Roura explaining just why it’s so offensive to cook what you want and how you want it in your own home, and I have to once again point to the fact that this cultural appropriation and perpetual offense garbage has jumped the shark. Hard.

The shallow and wide pan, with two handles in opposite sides, gives the name to this rice dish. And to some extent any rice dish cooked on such pan could qualify to be a paella. So even if we take this very low bar for defining paella, Schneider’s dish failed the test. As a twitter user pointed out he just made “rice with things,” or perhaps more accurately, things with rice.

Well… technically, that’s what paella is – rice with things. There’s vegetable paella. There’s seafood paella. There’s chicken paella, meat paella, mixed paella, you name it! There are also green beans, artichokes, and peppers – all depends on how you want to make it. So yeah – it’s rice with things, no matter how much snobbery you want to inject into your criticism.

To Schneider’s credit, where could he have turned to for a paella recipe that wouldn’t have infuriated most Spaniards? Just a few months ago, the famous chef Jamie Oliver failed the paella test again when he proposed a recipe that not only was again not made in the proper pan, but it also added something no Spaniard has ever seen in paella: chorizo. Just like Schneider, Oliver received his fair share of criticism on social media, and even newspapers reported the story as some outrageous insult to Spanish culture.

And why should Schneider give a shit if something he makes in his own home, for his friends and family, that he will consume “infuriates” anyone? Is he trying to sell it? No. Is he a chef in a Spanish restaurant? No. He’s a celebrity who posted a picture of his fucking dinner. Get over yourselves.

But unlike Schneider, Oliver is a chef, and a widely recognized one. So people will turn to him for advice. What are a celebrity chef’s responsibilities when writing a recipe for a dish that hails from a different cultural tradition than their own? How much should they stay close to the original dish and how much room do they have to be as creative as they want to be?

A chef is an artist with food. His only responsibility is to his customers, who will either love or hate his dish. He certainly has no responsibility to ask permission from the perpetually aggrieved about how he chooses to create. If they don’t like it, you know what they can do? Not spend money in his restaurant. Not buy the dish.

Did the Moors in ancient Spain, who began cultivating rice around the 10th century ask the Chinese in the Pearl River valley region who originated rice for permission to cultivate rice and use it in their dishes how they wished?

Did the Spaniards, who imported pepper seeds from Mexico in the 15th century ask them for permission to use them in their national dishes?

Saffron, a common spice in paella, is native to Southwest Asia and was likely cultivated in or near Greece. I don’t see the Greeks flinging “cultural appropriation” turds at the Spaniards for using that particular spice in their paella.

Food evolves, much like other art. Chefs explore new flavors, new spices, and new ingredients to make tasty dishes that stand out to their customers. Countries import various fruits, vegetables, and spices, and create new, interesting, innovative meals that vary with each individual palettes.

I’m guessing Mireia Triguero Roura is not that adventurous, nor is she open minded enough to understand diversity in that context, because when faced with a lack of things to be outraged about, these nags must dig deep to keep the indignation alive.

And she admits it.

It is hard to talk about cultural appropriation in food. For one, most cuisines have been developed as a result of the influences of many peoples, and hail from particular territories rather than countries.

Then perhaps she should stop talking about cultural appropriation in food. But no, she wastes many more paragraphs doing just that in the most inane, imbecilic manner!

A quick browse through the big food magazines in English reveals that virtually all have at least one paella recipe that includes chorizo—and most include other big no-nos among paella chefs. But most of them fail to mention that “chorizo” cannot be found in the dish in Spain. And in fact, most Spaniards felt even disgusted by the thought of it.

So what? Does that mean that others aren’t free to enjoy chorizo in their paella? Normal people just let others enjoy what they like, as long as it doesn’t infringe on their right to do the same. But apparently certain Special Snowflakes™ in Spain are unable to allow others to simply enjoy their own creations, so they have to destroy everyone else’s happiness, because it’s the only way they can validate their sad existences.

And yet if the nature of paella changes regionally inside Spain (even inside Valencia region), why should we allow those discrepancies only inside the borders of Spain? Shouldn’t we embrace, as David Rosengarten suggested in a Saveur article, the “changing nature of the dish” and “focus on the singular pleasure of eating it” instead? One could argue it should be a source of pride to see your cuisine become a source of inspiration for many around the world.

Unless one is a pretentious fuck weasel, in which case one writes entire articles waxing hysterical about “cultural appropriation.”

But at the heart of Spaniards’ battle to keep chorizo out of paellas around the world is the sense of protecting a sacred identity.

Sacred identity? What sort of fuckery is this? It’s food, ferpetessake! It’s rice mixed with olive oil, some veggies, spices, and proteins! It’s not like it came out of the Virgin Mary’s untapped asshole. It’s FOOD! Get over yourselves!

Earlier this year at Oberlin College, some students protested against a coleslaw and pulled-pork sandwich that was being sold under the name “banh mi,” which is a Vietnamese sandwich consisting of none of those ingredients.

manateeWell, color me shocked! Oberlin students – the mental institution that spawned the feminazi, child molesting landwhale Lena Dunham – are protesting something?

Take, however, two of the big immigrant cuisines in the U.S.: Mexican and Italian. Arguably, tacos ordered in Texas are quite different from a carnitas taco found in Jalisco. And “marinara” sauce in the United States has come to mean a whole different world from the original Italian word. But unlike Mexican-American and Italian-American food in the U.S., which are the result of large populations of immigrants settling in the country and bringing with them their food and recipes and adapting both to the ingredients and the palates of the land, the chorizo-paella (or the Oberlin “banh mi”) seems rather the result of non-Spanish chefs in a test kitchen deciding what belongs in a dish with what seems like little research or respect to the country of origin. And unlike most creations that are a result of culinary cross-pollination (think: the ramen burger), no one is changing the name to suggest this is a new creation. (I suggest we call this “choriella” from “chorizo” and “paella”).

So ultimately, what Mireia Triguero Roura is offended by is the word “paella.” Just like any other Special Snowflake™ she just haz teh sadz that someone has the temerity to use a word with which she disagrees to describe something as basic as food, made by someone other than she and her band of perpetually aggrieved shrews find acceptable, and therefore, since her delicate labia are bruised by mere words, she can’t help but publicly shame them for it. Nagging – it’s like Vagisil for the SJW soul.

Krishnendu Ray, a New York University professor of food studies, argues in “The Ethnic Restaurateur” that white chefs have more freedom to play with other people’s food than chefs of color do, which creates an inherent inequality in the field. To that, I would add that in a world where most people turn to the Internet to find recipes — and English is the de facto lingua franca of the online world — English-speaking chefs not only have more freedom to play around, but they also have the power to ultimately transform traditional dishes from other countries, without so much as an acknowledgement.

And of course, no Salon article would be complete without quoting some obscure, perpetually victimized “professor” of food studies, claiming “white privilege,” to give the drivel what passes for gravitas in the world of the culture jihadists.

Outrage? Check.

Cultural appropriation? Check.

White privilege? Check.

Ah! The recipe for progtard butthurt is complete!

Now, go enjoy your paella, heathens! Add some corn, tuna, and mayonnaise to it, and microwave it on high. And don’t forget to post a photo on Twitter and brag about your paella attempt, to really give this squealing nag something to gripe about!

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78 responses

  1. Yeah, that’s like mom getting insulted because her dad told her she made mjuddarah just like his mom.

    Down to burning the damn onions. . . .

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Salon is the absolute worst. I had some douche nozzle comment on one of my articles that it was euro centric and white supremacist. It was about how spirited Americans are because they come from stock that would not abide Europe. What a bunch of twits

    Liked by 3 people

    1. They really are completely retarded. Even their own readers in their comments are, like, “What the fuck?”

      Liked by 5 people

  3. […] via Salon Shrewsplains Paella — The Liberty Zone […]

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  4. Yeah, the Spanish are weirdly ethnocentric about their cuisine. They are extremely resistant to change, including modifying recipes. I lived in Spain for several years. Once I dared to put shredded cheese on paella (made in central Spain, so had rabbit, not shellfish), and was met with looks chiding me for my blasphemy.

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    1. LMAO! I tell ya. Because they obviously don’t have bigger things to worry about?

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      1. Exactly! If someone has the energy to get upset about this, then they need a part-time job 😛

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Could not disagree more. They need a full time job at heavy labor to work off some of that white privilege. 😀

          Liked by 1 person

      2. Mireia Triguero Roura needs more of a life. I’d say a quarter would be enough to buy her so much more of one than she has now that she’d be unrecognizable.

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  5. Actually the shrewsplainer is wrong too- the Spaniards stole the “paella pan” from the French. In France the pan is known as a sauteuse.
    Last I checked Escoffier wasn’t Spanish, and the French- despite sucking at most other things are the ones who refined cooking to something beyond burning a large chunk of a critter over a fire.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It wasn’t the French, it was the Greeks. Then the Romans stole the techniques and adden some new developments. French cooking became a great cuisine after a French king married an Italian who brought her cook along. Said cook taught the French staff how to do more than boil and burn things.

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      1. When food became more than just sustenance- became “cuisine”- it was the French.
        It was Careme and Escoffier who began to standardize recipes, Escoffier is who set up restaurant kitchens as organized, disciplined, highly skilled and highly efficient operations-among other contributions he made to the field of culinary arts.
        Escoffier wrote his Le Guide Culinaire followed 30 or so years later by Prosper Montagne’s Larousse Gastronomique – that is what began standardized recipes, considered nutrition and so called “balanced meals”, and transformed cooking into an art.

        The French are who refined cooking to something beyond “peasant food” although ala paysanne is still a French style/ method of cooking.
        The French are who first began treating the chef as a highly skilled craftsman, who began culinary apprenticeships and schools.
        Prior to these things taking place no two cooks made anything the same, cooking was not an art or a skilled trade it was merely a means to satisfy hunger-a matter of survival. Sure every culture had feasts, harvest celebrations etc. but people ate to survive and attempt to stay healthy. No other culture treated food and the preparation of food like the French.
        It was still the French who devolped modern cooking techniques- almost all of Le Guide Culinaire is every bit as applicable today as it was when published in 1903.
        Whatever came before Careme and Escoffier, and to a lesser extent Prosper Montagne forever changed the way our food is prepared and eaten.
        Escoffier’s methods of cooking and of running kitchens spread first to London- then the rest of Europe-Ritz/ Ritz Carlton/Savoy hotels, ocean liners. Then to America.
        Anywhere in the world a person eats a meal in a first class hotel- then influences of the French- and of Careme,Escoffier,and Montagne are present to anyone who knows the history of modern culinary arts.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I would’ve thought that cuisine, culturally, would’ve been elevated to an art in China, myself.

          Liked by 1 person

        2. I lack the detail here but some debt is owed by France to Italy

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        3. Other countries and cultures had their unique foods- none of them made the contributions that Careme , Escoffier, and Montagne did.
          They are the guys who standardized measurements and recipes, and who invented the techniques still in use by every first class foodservice operation on the planet to this day.
          Other countries made contributions- but at a later date than the French did.

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        4. ‘standardized measurements’…My mother and aunts still have recipes from my great grandmother and grandmother where all the measurements are ‘pinch’, ‘touch’, ‘handful’, ‘enough flour to make a stiff dough’, etc.

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        5. That’s what some-and it is only some-usually baking recipes require as there are differences in some ingredients depending on source,time of harvest,etc.
          Huge difference in flour milled from spring harvested wheat and fall harvested wheat for example.

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    2. I love large chunks of critter over a fire. But I’m a crass and distasteful American, so you have that.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I was six when we went to visit my maternal grandmother in Mexico City and had enchiladas made by a real Mexican — my grandmother — and they were filled with white stuff, not yellow like my mother used. “Whazzat?” six-year-old me asked. “Cheese,” I was told. “Not yellow!” I replied. “It’s goat cheese, dear, made from goat milk.” Thus I came to know how “real” Mexicans made enchiladas, And the meat inside was pork, not beef. Even at six, I knew that there were different recipes for things. I watched my grandmother bake a dozen variety of cookies at Christmas and I was expected to learn the recipes for all of them. I’ve never had paella (Mexicans do not have fond memories of the Spanish) but I got a recipe off the web and I have all the ingredients except saffron. I have every intention of baking it my glass casserole dish. The last thing I made in it was plebian tuna noodle casserole.

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  7. Oh, let me! If we’re going to DISS someone for cooking what is a regional stew, can we have an argument about what goes into ratatouille? And how it’s made? And in what vessel? I don’t ever run info the Froggies going apeshit when someone wants to make coq au vin or boeuf en croute, or une tarte de pommes a la Normande! The only thing they’ll ever say is ‘Laissez les allez!’ (Go for it!)

    Paella, per the extensive and careful research done by Georgette Heyer for her Regency romance novel ‘Civil Contract’ is a stew that never leaves the stovetop, and is also called ‘penella’, and literally everything went into because, as her hero in the story explains to his fiance, in a campaign like the Peninsular Wars, you ate what you could get when you foraged. Sometimes it was a scraggly hare, sometimes a scrawny chicken.

    Okay, I asked my sister to send me her recipe for cabbage rolls this afternoon. She is/was a fabulous cook. Her late husband was Jewish so she converted and is VERY kosher and her cooking is so damned good, she should open a restaurant. But I think she has enough to do with teaching pre-med students. But she did send me her cabbage rolls recipe, and I can tell you that it is to die for. I got into a cabbage roll-eating contest with my late brother-in-law some time back, and after 12 each, we declared a tie.

    Food is food. It cures what ails you and fills you up. On a cold wintry night, any hearty food is good. When someone goes into an asinine rant about ‘appropriating culture’ because ‘SPANISH!’, it isn’t about culture. it’s about attention-whoring and nothing else.

    So, which would you rather have: cabbage rolls, or crepes avec boeuf et champignons? They’re both good, especially with a good red wine, some crusty bread and butter, and for afters, le fromage et fruit.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The French like food- they just don’t like poorly made food.
      Same with most normal people- just give ’em decent food, well made and they don’t care what freakin pan it’s made in, or if your version of paella has chorizo in it or not.
      The “celebrity chef” fucktards with their own tee vee shows wouldn’t last 15 minutes in a real 4-5 star hotel or restaurant or country club kitchen.
      The shrewsplainer wouldn’t last 15 seconds in a freakin Chili’s/Olive Garden/Applebees/TGIFriday’s etc.

      I spent 22 years as executive chef running 4 and 5 star hotel and private country club kitchens.
      I learned it the right way- I apprenticed- so was basically slave labor for assorted European chefs for several years.This was after I had already been a cook for 5 years.
      Never in all those years did I hear such nonsense as shrewsplainers.
      You can order the same food in restaurants accross the USA and there’s going to be regional differences.
      Except for chain restaurants and most chain hotels.
      Paella isn’t the same everywhere- if you want to toss shrimp clams and Maine lobsters in it- have at it.
      I make mine in a cast iron skillet.

      Cabbage rolls/ stuffed cabbage rocks!
      One of my favorite wintertime meals.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You’re a chef, Gamegetter? How cool – do you have the time to be a tech adviser? The Daughter Unit and I have an ongoing series where where one of the main characters is a Cordon-Bleu trained burnt-out celeb chef running a tiny cafe in a small Texas town … I do meticulous research, of course — and I have a huuge library of reference materiel – but cookbooks and cooking memoirs will only take me so far. If the plot takes me any farther down into the culinary weeds, we might need an expert guide. PM me, if interested and/or intrigued.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Funnily enough, when I lived in Paris, France, paella was a common dish to have as a take out. The street we lived in had lots of little food shops and restaurants that would let you grab some to take home. On the same street was a restaurant that served ‘Mediterranean cuisines’ – paella, Portuguese chicken (colliquilally called this because of how it was cooked, splayed open), dolmades, and so on; on the same street as the Turkish brothers who ran a doner kebab shop (which was called sandwiche Greque; and a butcher who served up the best rotisserie chicken I’ve ever had. (There was also a Chinese restaurant, but I never got to sample the place.) Of course there were a lot of little cafés and bakeries too. If you were of a mind never to cook for yourself, you could’ve done so.

        Anyway, the paella at that shop usually was of seafood… but there were also slices of chorizo.

        The food stir I vaguely remember happening then was the horreur of people that some wines were being packaged in a box with a small plastic spigot.

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        1. Box wine? Why that is finest vin du cartonnage, that is!

          Liked by 2 people

        2. We prefer to refer to that as “mommy’s juice box” 😉

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  8. The best response Schneider, or Oliver, could have given was nothing. The second best would have been ‘fuck you’. A couple of decades ago, when I was in college, I took a wine tasting course they offered one weekend (since the campus is alcohol free, except for the president’s house, and the Hall Director’s apartments, and the Alumni Association, and the theater, and…it had to be held off campus) and the guy leading the course gave the best advice I’ve ever heard, “You don’t have to drink a particular wine with a particular food. Drink what you like with what you like to eat. Red or white, sweet or dry, it doesn’t matter as long as you like it.”

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    1. Absolutely correct. If it’s a wine that you like, even if it’s a cheap little red that you found at Aldi (damn good Tuscan stuff!), you take it home with you, because it’s what suits your palate, not the oenophiles, who are uninspired dopes. I’m down to my last bottle of Lost Cellars white, and when I open it on my birthday, I will enjoy every last drop of it with brie, a crusty loaf, fruit, other cheeses, ham, and maybe even ice cream.

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      1. I tend to stock up on stuff like Sutter Home and Fetzer when on sale (about $5/bottle), which is at least once a month it seems. I’ll get the expensive imported stuff (~$13 😉 ) for my wife.

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    2. I work at a liquor store, the first advice I give for wine when asked is this, “It’s all subjective.” Varietals don’t matter, you could have a merlot from one particular maker, and you’ll think it is wonder, merlot form another maker might be the most horrible stuff you’ve ever had. Not to mention some of the surprises, either. Sutter Home is generally a pretty inexpensive wine (notice, I said inexpensive, not cheap), but I’ve discovered that they make one hell of a bottle. Still doesn’t mean that someone else might taste it, and absolutely hate it. it is all in the taste of the person drinking it.

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  9. I’ll have to dig through my own shelves of cookbooks for the ones that deal with Spanish food – but if I remember my time in Spain correctly, paella was one of those things where anything goes; seafood for sure, chicken most always, red peppers, rice, and saffron. Really, this ruckus is like fighting over the right recipe for meatloaf.

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    1. Yes, this exactly. Paella means “pan.” It’s literally the Spanish version of casserole, and like casserole it’s what Alton Brown calls “refrigerator velcro.” It’s a way to use up the bits and pieces of stuff you have lying around that aren’t large enough to base an entire meal around. Anyone who says that there’s a wrong way to make paella is simply ignorant of the history of the dish. Once again cries of cultural appropriation are being used to cover the fact that Progtards are utterly ignorant of any culture.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. “WE DEMANDZ YOU USE THE PROPER SPANISH PAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    “NO. Go fuck yourself with a red hot poker. Communication terminated.”

    Liked by 5 people

  11. I’m guessing that someone is going to be upset when they come out with the Hamburger Helper version of paella…

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Oooooh. I wonder if the Russians were upset at the hamburger helper beef stroganoff!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Mike in Seattle | Reply

        What, exactly do you think caused the Cold War?

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Now wait a minute there, Noam Chomsky (who’s always right and has assured us that EVERYTHING that has gone wrong since 1600 is America’s fault) never mentioned Hamburger Helper Beef Strokingoff.

          So you’re wrong!

          (/sarc…obviously)

          Liked by 2 people

  12. […] Really funny story, and you have to go and read it all, and unlike me they linked to that liberal pos site salon…go to SOURCE […]

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Shrewsplaining…. I am so stealing that. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Paella is like jambalaya, it’s seasoned rice with whatever leftovers you have on hand cooked in.
    I just ignore the mindless screeching of the perpetually offended, or laugh at them.

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  15. The best way to deal with the perpetually offended is to not notice them The more attention you give them the more they like it. Let’s all agree that people should be culturally sensitive and roast a pig in front of their local mosque and offer pulled pork to the imam.

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    1. Point at them and make duck noises.

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  16. Prior to this, I would have simply thought, “Who the fuck cares what Rob Schneider just put in his oven?”…if I had indeed thought about it at all. Now I know who cares…idiots.

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  17. I can’t believe we’ve gotten to the point where we are arguing over food.

    Society has just gotten strange

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    1. No, society has gotten so rich and well off that it has the luxury of arguing over food rather than being grateful there is enough of it.

      My Arkansas grandfather grew up as the youngest of 12 and raised his family through the Great Depression. He had recipes from his mother for anything cookable. Somehow I doubt any of the snowflakes at Salon have had to consider how to make a tasty and filling meal out of armadillo, let alone actually do it.

      He would have been considered a deplorable “raaaaacist” by every one of them —- but during the 50s he employed a black welder’s helper in the face of “suggestions” from the pipefitter’s union that he really should hire one of their white helpers who wouldn’t work as hard or as well.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yeah, my aunt is actually a Depression era woman. I remember very odd (what I considered odd, anyway) mannerisms as a throwback to this. For instance, she might have had $150,000 savings in her bank account, but would coupon clip relentlessly and hang onto food after it went bad, such as keeping honey with ants in it. She would also wash/re-use styrofoam cups, plates, paper towels, etc.

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    2. It’s not really about the food. It’s just the excuse used to pitch a bitch.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. RE: Arguing Over Food

    I can’t believe we’ve gotten to the point where we are arguing over food. — Skywalker

    Everybody needs to have a hobby…. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I also can’t believe cuisine and “cultural appropriation” have become a real thing. The whole concept sounds like an Onion article.

      Who cares if we enjoy the foods of other cultures? I’m not going to ask for permission to eat a burrito….

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can’t wait for the taco trucks to start hitting every corner

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Go to Austin. Enough taco truck trailer parks and cultural appropriation to make a liberal head explode.

          Liked by 1 person

        2. If NDSU makes it back to Frisco again one of these years when I have the money, I suppose I could drive a little farther down the road.

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  19. Just carpet bomb the motherfuckers with lutafisk. That’ll shut”em up.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Now that’s a genuine atrocity.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. This is the second time in two days I’ve seen someone refer to lutafisk. I had never heard of it before so I had to look it up yesterday.

      I wish I hadn’t.

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  20. Mike in Seattle | Reply

    I made curry lamb and rice with New Mexico peppers and onions in a paella dish the other day.

    It was delicious.

    I wonder which would cause more tears; the audacity or appropriation that dish represents, or the sheer spicy yummyness thrown in their faces?

    Liked by 1 person

  21. This reminds me of the time I went looking for an “authentic” recipe for Hungarian Goulash. The Interwebs had hundreds of them, no two the same, and lots that insisted on ingredients that others insisted were verboten.
    I finally went to the web site for the Hungarian Embassy, which actually had a page on goulash. Their take, slightly paraphrased, was that there were as many “authentic” recipes as there were Hungarians. So I mixed and matched until I came up with one the wife and I both like.
    Isn’t that what cooking is supposed to be?

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    1. I remember eating a dish I was told by Germans was ‘Hungarian goulash’ as a kid – in Germany. In East Berlin.

      As an adult, I tried to follow a recipe that claimed to be Hungarian Goulash, and it tasted nothing like the dish I remembered. I searched the net, until I came upon a recipe that required no tomatoes or tomato-anything, but only paprika and onions and sour cream. Tried it and it was as I recalled it tasting.

      Later on, I was told by a different German person that what I enjoyed was ‘not goulash, but paprikash.’ e_e

      I remembered a dish my mother would sometimes make and googled it.

      For amusement and info:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arroz_a_la_valenciana

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      1. My Catholic German-Russian grandmother used to attend some ladies social function or other. They were talking about food one day and describing how to make various meals. One of the other ladies piped up that her family made the same meals, but called them different things and were considered proper Jewish dishes.

        Cultural appropriation my hairy arse. We’ve been mixing and matching food, language, art, etc. since the beginning of time.

        Liked by 2 people

  22. God help us if the Italians get huffy about pizza.

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    1. Why, just tell them to go fuck themselves too.

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  23. Schneider made a shitty paella. That was his crime, and Spanish people mocked him for it appropriately. Salon, of course, added all the social justice bullshit. For what it’s worth, I have had plenty of shitty hamburgers in Spain.

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    1. Who knows if it was a shitty paella? As someone mentioned, he’s part Filipino, so he may have been making it in that style. Unless you’ve eaten it, I can’t see how you claim it was shitty.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh yeah, he’s part Filipino. So he may have been making…

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arroz_a_la_valenciana

        …which is paella, transplanted, because galleon trade.

        So legit. =3

        Liked by 1 person

        1. The pic on that wiki article is mouthwatering.

          Liked by 1 person

        2. It is. And I now miss arroz a la cubana. ;_;

          Like

      2. That is my opinion. I would have been very disappointed to have been served that dish. Too much seafood and not enough rice. I love the rice, don’t care for lobster tails, and have never seen them on paella. He may have loved it. You may have loved it. Most Spanish commenters seem to share my opinion. That’s the thing about opinions. None of this means that he’s guilty of some PC crime where only the opinions of Americans don’t matter.

        Like

        1. Exactly. I’m not a big fan of paella period. Just not my thing. I’m not big on rice anyway. I’m just pointing out that he may have enjoyed it immensely, and this dumb twat wrote an entire article shaming him!

          Like

        2. Don Pepe’s in Newark serves a paella with a half lobster, and I think I remember chorizo. Mmmm

          Like

    2. Was it edible? Was it delicious? Did he enjoy it? If the answer to all of the above is ‘yes’ then ‘shitty’ his cooking was not.

      Also, let’s not pretend that paella was some kind of dish that was served up only to the royals – it’s hearty, common comfort food, eaten by everyone. Besides, the dish is apparently a regional one, Valencian (and they apparently have ‘mixed’ paella dishes, with both seafood and meat from land game/animals mixed in.)

      The Spanish getting upset about it is a bit akin to the Chinese getting up in arms because someone said that Szechuan cooking is no different from Mongolian. Or Inuit.

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Most people feel lucky if what they cook is edible. “authentic”? hahaha Vaguely resembles food is more common, which is why so many people eat out.

    Like

  25. Standard reply in 2017 to the perpetually outraged-“The beach is that way. Stop at Home Depot and pick up a hammer on the way. You’ll figure out what to do when you get there.”

    Like

  26. We had an exchange student from Valencia Spain live with us in 1998. Amaya taught me how to make Paella. She brought an authentic pan with her. She left it with me as a gift when she left. I never used it after the first couple of times. It simply was not as good as my modern cookware. The first time she made the dish for us, at the end, the rice was somewhat scorched on the bottom of the pan. She said, that is typical. She had pictures of her and her friends on vacation cooking over an open fire with a pan about 3 or 4 feet across, with a huge amount of food. She also brought saffron with her to help make the dish. It truly is amazing, but like most dishes in America, I bet that there are thousands of ways that they make Paella in Espania. They would probably use what ever they caught fresh that day.

    Like

  27. Must I constantly correct your grammar and spelling Missy? It’s STALON!

    Like

  28. I love paella ! I love Spain ! Such a nice post.
    I leave you my post about celebration of New Year’s Eve in Madrid
    https://traveltomeetyourheart.wordpress.com/2017/01/07/12-grapes-new-years-eve-spain-madrid/

    Like

  29. LMAO I love this post! It is so disgusting to see people try to restrict others’ behavior and MEALS of all things under the guise of “cultural appropriation”!!!! The idea that ANY culture is some solid, untransferable, sacred concept or aspect… as you point out the writer even Admits, these things have less to do with Countries than Territories… It is so sad to see people selfishly fencing off their arbitrary cultural inheritances for the sake of chastising white cisgender males: because, make no mistake, cultural appropriation Only applies to and is leveled against the perceived inherently “dominant” “class” – light skinned dudes. Again, Great article, we’re trying to highlight the same hypocrisies. You are fighting the good fight!

    Liked by 1 person

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