Shut up and drink your coffee!

So apparently, as the holiday season approaches, so does the new Starbucks cup, as well as the accompanying outrage from overly-sensitive dipshits.

Lemme explain.

Last year, Starbucks introduced its holiday cup in a solid red. That’s it. Nothing there. Just red.

That caused some Special Snowflakes to get butthurt, because somehow Starbucks took away Christmas or some shit.

Now, we all know Twitter is stupid. It is a magnet for the world’s biggest fuckwits, who band together to produce megatons of shitgittery. The idiots who consider their 140-character thoughts oh-so-deep somehow think their profound brain droppings will prompt social change.

We all know how effective hashtag foreign policy is, don’t we?

I will also readily admit that probably a good portion of Twitter idiots who experienced chafed labia about the plain red cup last year were probably trolls – 4chan or otherwise. (This is for the commenter who will immediately screech that I’m ignoring the possibility that some groups out there are out to make right wingers look bad!)

But it looks like the morons are at it again this year.

Whether they’re protesting in earnest, or merely trying to get some attention with their stupid, it seems like tis the season for abject dumbassery.

Starbucks just introduced a green cup – IN TIME FOR THE ELECTION – that tries to promote some unity at a time when we are incredibly divided as a country. The green cup has friends, baristas, and customers drawn in one continuous line, symbolizing unity.

Some people apparently did not like this. At. All.

Some people were confused by the concept of unity.

Yet others thought it was a Muslim plot to destroy the free world through brainwashing or some shit.


I don’t know what Barstool Sports is, but I think they’re confused.

This twatmold is apparently confused about what, exactly, our shared values are.

This one was upset. Not for any political reason, apparently, but because they don’t like green or something?

Phil here can’t help himself. Apparently, everything is a liberal plot.

These two are upset that there’s liberal propaganda in the non-holiday cup, instead of coffee.

Tell ya what, Arch. Stop pushing your “conservative” bullshit, and drink coffee.

As with the Like Cage outrage, it’s possible that trolls have decided once again to paint an enormous “STUPID” sign on the backs of American society, but it is also entirely possible that there people out there who really are this ridiculous.

After all, have you seen the perpetually chapped asses on the part of the social justice howler monkeys over the years? Everything from Mexican food to Halloween costumes chafes their delicate labia! Is it really so difficult to believe that we have screeching hemorrhoids on the right as well?

starbucksAnd by the way, the green cups are not the holiday cups, apparently. Starbucks, trying to be a good neighbor, has decided to put out a special edition election cup as a reminder that we are one country and connected to one another. The actual holiday cups, I hear, are coming out after November 10, and they’re kind of pretty. They’ve got holly and leaves, and are pretty festive.

But don’t let that stop the perpetually offended from taking their money elsewhere! If there wasn’t something out there to get angry about, what the hell would they do with their time?

Do me a favor, morons. Just drink your coffee and shut the fuck up!


20 responses

  1. I’ll drink my coffee, Nicki, but I’ll NEVER buy it from Starbucks who give millions annually to leftist politicians and “causes.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey, that’s entirely your choice. I tend not to buy their coffee, because sometimes it tastes like burnt dick cheese, but that’s just me. I do like their sugar-free, low-carb lattes, though.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Mini rant: Maybe if people would quit using what is supposed to be a religious Holiday (one that wasn’t even celebrated until 300 some years after the event) instead of a bloody marketing tools crap like this would end. *deep breath* Sorry, early start to one of my annual complaints. Never going to happen, I know. It is too ingrained in our social psyche. But I can still wish.

    I do not drink coffee, so I have little reason to visit Starbucks. When I do want a good chai tea latte, I prefer Caribou Coffee. Not because I find SB too leftist (they are) but because CC makes better tea.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A long time ago, I made the remarkable discovery that if you make your own — affordable — coffee at home, you can put it in any damned color cup you want. Now, if I were stupid enough to pay a few-to-several dollars for a few cents worth of coffee, I guess I might… “feel” entitled to special snowflake treatment.

    [ Heh. I did go to a coffee shop in St. Louis many years ago, where the regulars could have their very own mugs with whatever they wanted etched on them (the mugs, not the customers). Generally, we opted for our names. And the coffgee was still a lot cheaper than Starbucks, not to mention better quality. ]

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Don’t forget the annoyance when Starbucks told its baristas to write the hashtag #race together and encouraged them to engage in conversation with their customers about raysism.

    I’m paying you for my caffeine fix. Hand it over before I harm you and shut the hell up about your social justice whining, you dancing monkey.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lots of people complain about Starbucks having over priced coffee. I dont understand what they are talking about. I think they are a great deal. I go there when Im in the city and have some time between appointments. Where else can I rent a desk and Internet connection for an hour for less than $3?!?! And I get a cup of coffee with that! Its not great coffee, but still, what a bargin!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. ‘merely trying to get some attention with their stupid….’ It’s all about attention-whoring. Everything is an issue, including the color of your toilet paper. Guess I’m anti-social or something, but I do not participate in any of that childish crap. I could make a jacket out of green/brown houndstooth check wool, and the color combo and the wool would have meanings never before seen in any lexicon, thesaurus or dictionary including the Oxford Unabridged, because CANINES!!!! SHEEP!!!!

    Green IS a Christmas holiday color. Have these marones never seen pine trees? They are EVERGREENS, for f–k’s sake!!! Holly leaves are green, the berries are red. Holly used to be put on door lintels to keep the Frost Giants at bay, and the Yule log was burned on the Winter Solstice. I don’t understand what these people are flailing their arms about, but frankly, it seems to be for the sole purpose of letting us know what a bunch of spoiled f–ks they are. Squeaky wheel makes the most noise to get the most attention.

    The rest of us just roll on, right?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Why do all of the figures have fat lips? Starbucks must be promoting Collagen injections (for those dolts who can’t tell, that was sarcasm).


    1. LOL! Because young people like to make duck faces?


  8. Who really cares? I sure as hell don’t. Don’t patronize them, so I can’t help but wonder if it’s nothing more than a marketing scheme to draw attention. Their coffee sucks anyway.


    1. Except for the low-carb stuff. That’s actually good.


  9. I don’t care about Starbucks cup color. They serve over roasted, over brewed, overpriced swill. Dutch Brothers is much better and costs less, if you live where you can get it.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Just another important and pressing issue we face today…NOT.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Exactly! And yet, it was a story on Fox News, on Buzzfeed, and a couple of others. WHY?


      1. Because media (and I certainly don’t mean just those mentioned) have agendas, pander to their audiences, are intellectually lazy…need any more reasons?


  11. After one heart attack 3 stints Open Heart Surgery with a Quintuple Bypass I am allowed one cup of real stuff a day, but I was always a Dunkin’ Donuts sort a guy or a cup at a local privately owned restaurant, So Starbuck’s cups are not something I think about,


    1. Just remember if the waitress dumps a pound of sugar into your 8 oz cup of coffee, the place is being held up and you need to come back in with your S&W Model 29 and blow the robbers’ heads off.


  12. I live in ignorant bliss – no twitter, FB, et al. No smarter than me phone. Never been in a specialty coffee shop.
    Life is grand.


  13. I just think the new cups are ugly. I’ll still happily drink my caramel macchiatos from them, though, because who really cares in the end? Ugly or gorgeous, it’s still going in the trash when I’m done.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. […] But I guess some people will get outraged at anything, even a stupid cup. […]


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