No, seriously – WHAT THE FUCK?

So apparently, this really horrible comedienne (I’ve seen “Trainwreck.” I didn’t find it funny.) Amy Schumer, who was accused of stealing other comics’ material, did some kind of stand-up show at Madison Square Garden, and had Madonna as her opening act.

madonna-youngNow, those of us who grew up in the 80s remember Madonna as a not halfway horrible pop singer that had awful fashion sense, wore a lot of cheap rubber jewelry, and sang about being a virgin or some shit. We also remember that the older she got, the more desperate for attention she became, publishing a coffee table book in 1992 that talked about sex and that included erotic photographs of her and essays she wrote about… oh fuck, I don’t even! I mean, really. She had Vanilla Ice in that book, ferfuckssake!

I also remember her being a decent dancer and choreographer, but with costume tastes that were about as awful as Lady Gaga’s. Meh.

In more recent years, she came out with some kind of skin care line, and basically faded into obscurity…

Until yesterday.

The Material Girl took the stage as the opening standup act for Amy Schumer at Madison Square Garden on Tuesday night, and joked about a proposition to people who cast their ballot for Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton.

“One more thing before I introduce this genius of comedy: If you vote for Hillary Clinton, I will give you a b–job — and I am good,” she said to the crowd.

The 58-year-old singer went on to detail her qualifications for the position.

“I take my time, I have… eye contact and I do swallow,” she added, giving a thumbs up.

madonna_old-451x250Yeah. If you vote for someone who routinely violated diplomatic protocol, spilled classified information, lied about it, and whom diplomatic security agents apparently avoided like a flaming case of the herp, to run this country, you will get a blow job from a 58-year-old, dried up hooker. Oh, and she’ll swallow! There’s incentive for you!

Anyone else want to vomit in their own mouths?

Seriously, do you want to look down and see THAT with your trouser snake in its mouth? She’s past cougar and into perhaps vulture. She’ll swallow, alright. And later she’ll vomit your giblets back up to feed her offspring in their nest!

Realistically, I don’t care what that ancient whore does with her mouth, as long as it doesn’t come anywhere near me. I realize it’s a joke. But let’s get real here. Other than for freak points – are there really guys out there who would allow this tramp, whose mouth has probably seen more dick than a urinal. At Grand Central Station. During tourist season. To tongue tickle their  pickle?

And really… this is what this election has descended into? A desiccated hag, who is quickly approaching 60, offering to fellate any guy stupid enough to vote for the vagoo as President of the United States, and 1992 reports of a current Presidential candidate lasciviously telling 14-year-old kids in a youth group choir that he would date them in a couple of years?

This election can’t end fast enough!

37 responses

  1. She dances better than her backup singers. She sings better than her backup dancers. And that mouth? Does she kiss her children with those lips? Scary…

    Liked by 2 people

  2. …well there’s nothing I can add to that you covered it all and may I say quite well…

    So…👍👍👍👍👍

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you SO much for that mental image…

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Why am I reminded of the mediaskank who said she wanted to give (Bill) Klinton a blow job for keeping abortion legal?

    I don’t imagine he failed to take her up on that.

    Like

    1. Who was this??? OMG! Was it a hosebeast?

      Like

      1. Just looked it up.

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nina_Burleigh

        So, here’s something to ponder: Is it *better* or *worse* that she was proposing rewarding a policymaker for a policy, rather than Joe Voter for a vote?

        Like

        1. I dunno. Either way, I’m grossed out.

          Like

  5. It’s gotten to the point I’m kind of hoping Iran does us a solid and nukes several large cities.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nah. If they really want to do something there’s a debate tonight. That’s the target.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’d be ISIS packing the front row with suicide bombers.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I heard about this earlier. My first thought was a disgusted “Oh, hell no.” Second thought was that if forced, I’d require doubled up condoms and a hazmat suit. And Lysol. Lots of Lysol. And bleach. And preemptive prophylactics. Lots of preem…

    And tranks.

    VonZorch, the US achieved a working nuclear weapon in what? Three and a half years from the first sustained reaction? The USSR managed it in 6 years? Iran has been working on developing a nuke since ’79. NK will nuke us before Iran manages it.

    Personally, I’m still holding out for an extinction level event. Go, SMOD!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “My first thought was a disgusted “Oh, hell no.” Second thought was that if forced, I’d require doubled up condoms and a hazmat suit. And Lysol. Lots of Lysol. And bleach. And preemptive prophylactics. Lots of preem…”

      Not. Enough. Viagra. In. The. Galaxy.

      Like

  7. I really am envious of your vocabulary.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Oh hell no. Maybe 40 years ago, but now? no.

    Like

  9. In other news, The Onion is for sale for one dollar plus assumed debts…
    /sarc

    Like

  10. Oh yes, I remember her in the 80’s and in the peak of her career. I was a heavy rock/metal fan and couldn’t stand her music but couldn’t deny her immense popularity and her influence in the popular culture at the time. To paraphrase Tony Montana: “look at you now, look at you now you filthy cockroach!” She had the whole world in her hand and now she’s just an old, morally vacant, socially deranged and pathetic figure who is obviously still craving attention and validation with her despicable behavior. How sad, she actually thought she could gain the world and keep her soul…..

    Like

  11. Oh yes, I remember her in the 80’s and in the peak of her career. I was a heavy rock/metal fan and couldn’t stand her music but couldn’t deny her immense popularity and her influence in the popular culture at the time. To paraphrase Tony Montana: “look at you now, look at you now you filthy cockroach!” She had the whole world in her hand and now she’s just an old, morally vacant, socially deranged and pathetic figure who is obviously still craving attention and validation with her despicable behavior. How sad, she actually thought she could gain the world and keep her soul…..

    Like

  12. God, why couldn’t she just threaten to leave the country if Trump is elected like all the other celebrity airheads?

    Like

    1. That would be too easy, apparently.

      Like

    2. I’ve herd that she already lives in Londongrad.

      Like

  13. patriarchal landmine | Reply

    as if women serve any other purpose.

    Like

    1. Apparently, not according to Madonna. And it may be true in her case.

      Like

  14. Dammit, Breitbart was right. Politics really is downstream from culture.

    Like

  15. MILF! MILF! oh wait… GILF! GILF!

    Like

  16. Back in the day the saying was “I wouldn’t fuck that with YOUR dick”.
    I think that applies here.
    MIWF.

    Like

    1. I like the saying “Not with your dick, his balls and him pushing.”

      Like

  17. “Madonna opens for Amy Schumer.” The visual for that is bad enough, but it just gets worse from there, doesn’t it?

    As a friend once observed, “Skanks of a feather flock together.”

    Like

  18. I’d say that her offer might be illegal in that there are laws that prohibit offering someone something of value as a bribe for their vote, but that would presume that a blow job from Madonna would have some value. Seriously, if she posted that photo on Craigslist, would you give her “flowers” for a BJ?

    Like

    1. Hey, hey… leave Gennifer Flowers OUT of this.

      Like

  19. No takers?

    Like

  20. As I said elsewhere: “It would be like sticking one’s dick in a worn out leather handbag that is cracked from long use by crowds of people. No thanks.”

    Like

  21. This comment I saw from Didact’s Reach sums it up.

    “So let’s get this straight: a crazy, used-up old hag wants to suck-start your engine in order to get you to vote for another crazy, used-up, seriously evil old hag who wants to take all of your money and cut off your balls.

    Does anyone else see anything seriously messed up in that proposition?”

    Yeah, I do.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Pretty gross, Madge. Not her best moment. Although, I have to say–what rational, thinking person would look at this offer and think it does anything but reflect terribly, terribly poorly on the Democratic party?

    “This election can’t end fast enough!”

    Sadly, it can. While the circus may be gone, one of these two inferior candidates will rise to power. I can’t understand, for the life of me, why we (as a collective people) couldn’t have given ourselves the choice between two quality human beings like Ben Carson and Bernie Sanders. Seriously American voters, what the hell were you thinking.

    Like

  23. Well, we should not have to hear from her for a few years. Her mouth will be extremely busy. Men who can vote for Hillary would be bound to find her quite acceptable. Give another meaning to “Embrace the Suck”….

    Like

  24. Reminds me of the move barfly https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPkZbJAP7Zc

    “Nobody in this neighborhood can swallow paste like I can.”

    Like

    1. Every time I see the world “barfly” I have to remind myself it’s “bar fly” not “barf-ly”

      Though in this case, this is a pretty barf-ly subject.

      Like

  25. […] We now know why BJ Clinton is voting for Hillary for president. […]

    Like

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