Scammers finally arrested

Every day, when I come to the office, I lock up my phone. I turn it off first, so the battery doesn’t drain while it’s in the locker, and when I leave work and turn it back on again, there’s invariably some recorded message on there from someone alleging to be from the IRS – with a heavy Indian accent – claiming that I will be arrested unless I pay them back taxes.

Nearly. Every. Day.

I fight the urge to eviscerate these fucks with a rusty fork and force feed their innards to them with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. (AP Photo/Rajanish Kakade)

I fight the urge to eviscerate these fucks with a rusty fork and force feed their innards to them with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
(AP Photo/Rajanish Kakade)

Now, I’m the type that will mercilessly fuck with scammers. I’ve pretended to be a naive American wanting to adopt two adorable children from an American woman dying of AIDS in Africa, and forced the scammer to sign a contract obligating him to suck off a rhesus monkey and send me photos of the act. I’ve pretended to be an inbred hick, whose daddyunclebrother touched her in bad places, and who was excited to receive money upon his death. When I’ve gotten one of these calls before, I’ve actually called back, hysterically screaming and crying, telling the dimwit on the other end of the line that the Russian mafia forced me to steal money from the IRS, and that they will kill me and them if I don’t obey.

Fucking with them is a joy, but it’s with a certain amount of schadenfreude that I announce at least some of these pernicious fucks have been arrested in India. Seriously. These motherfuckers ran an entire call center, with 100 or more employees calling unsuspecting American taxpayers and threatening them with legal action and arrest unless they cough up money!

Indian police have arrested 70 people and are questioning hundreds more after uncovering a massive scam to cheat thousands of Americans out of millions of dollars by posing as U.S. tax authorities and demanding unpaid taxes, a police officer said Thursday.

According to police in Mumbai, the yearlong scam involved running fake call centers which sent voice mail messages telling U.S. nationals to call back because they owed back taxes.

It really bothers me that these filthy ass guzzlers actually made millions of dollars from naive Americans!

People, PEOPLE! The IRS will NEVER call you and leave an automated message threatening to arrest you unless you call them back!

They will NEVER demand payment with iTunes or gift cards!

The IRS will NEVER call and demand immediate payment while they’re on the phone with you! There’s always an appeals process. They certainly won’t go out and arrest you at once, like these shit gits threatened.

And they will NEVER ask for any kind of credit card numbers over the phone!

Fucking with them is funny. Falling for their shit is not. Don’t do it.

And by the way, the IRS has a reporting mechanism for those who get those calls. While I suspect the volume of calls will decrease significantly now that these fuck monkeys have been caught, there’s always another douche tool willing to step into the void. So be careful out there.



19 responses

  1. How in wide world of sports did anyone fall for this?

    Seems to me that our high schools should train kids about ordinary stuff like how the government works, taxes, how to sew on a button, hang a picture, and fry an egg. I thought about suggesting that everyone should punch a school superintendent in the nose but that would be supporting violence and we all know how bad that is.

    “Specialization is for insects” (R. A. Heinlein)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s pretty freaking epic, how you trolled the scammers. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. My hat is off to you, Nicki!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hheheh. Thanks! There was a point in my life when I had a lot of time on my hands! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I got one of these calls a couple of weeks ago. Had about 20 minutes of fun with them before I had to leave to take my kid to soccer practice. They threatened to have me arrested if I broke the connection on the call, so I dutifully hung up. After the practice, when I had some free time, I called them back for more fun. It was cheap entertainment for me, and I had them so far off-script that they didn’t know what was going on. It’s the little things that makes life so good!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I get all those telemarketing calls aimed at old ladies who’ve gone dimwitted enough to fork over their bank accounts and credit cards to thieves. It’s for a charity, or how I can get some amorphous thingie like a trip to Bermuda, so I take great pleasure in screaming ‘I don’t have any fucking money, you bleeding-eared idiot’ at them. Most of the time, I don’t bother answering the phone and nothing goes to voicemail. The robot calls are the most idiotic. It’s a great way to get all that angst out of your system.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. They call nearly every day. I have reported their various numbers multiple times on the IRS website. Every single time I report them I get called by actual IRS investigators to validate the report, which gave me peace of mind that they were in fact taking it very seriously.

    A friend of mine’s mother actually fell for the scam where they claimed to be from Microsoft “Windows”. She disabled her firewall at their instruction and they took over her computer. They literally held her computer for ransom and demanded $500 on gift cards in order to release it.

    When I reported the scammers claiming to be from publisher’s clearing house, I received back communication from publisher’s clearing house and the representative there was pretty chatty and gave me details. They ask for X amount of money on an untraceable gift card in order to claim your “prize”. Apparently this has actually worked on a lot of elderly retirees who after shelling out copious amounts of money end up calling the actual publishers clearing house wondering where their millions are.

    These people are the scum of the earth.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good rule of thumb: if they want a gift card, it’s likely a fake.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Yeah, I’ve gotten the Windows call center scam too.

      I’ve found that an all purpose mindblower is to answer the phone “Abdul’s House of 1000 Delights, number ### speaking.”

      Works on windows scammers, roof sellers, charity idjits, politicians…..


      1. Oh, my Cat in Heat! I never thought of that! I don’t know why!

        How about Tallulah’s Whore House off the Mag Mile, what kind of job do you need? Our rates are competitive.


  6. Alas, your advice is going to people who don’t need it.

    I’m sure the sorts of people who fall for this do NOT read erudite (albeit caustic) blogs on the internet.

    The FCC has penalties, etc. for some of these scammers, but they amount to shutting down a shell corporation and a financial wrist slap. And that’s assuming it’s even an American.

    Personally I’d not be averse to sending clandestine teams overseas or domestically to put bullets in foreheads. I’m sure entire lifetimes have been wasted by these people, piecemeal, so the damage they cause adds up to a capital crime.

    I still get a ton of Fungaltwat Rachel From Card Member Services calls. I’ve saved over 250 numbers under a contact named “Assholes.” For a while I simply ignored unknown numbers from outside Colorado, but of late I get calls not just from my area code, but my area code and prefix! Only the last four are different.

    I feel sorry for any small business that HAS to answer the phone and deal with this shit constantly.

    Incidentally, at least a few years ago there was one set of actors that didn’t even care if you answered the phone. Since they had set up a telecomm company, they made money off the caller ID dip fee, a fee charged by one Telco to another to provide Caller ID info. They kicked some of that money back to the call center in Belize that actually made the calls.


  7. Reblogged this on The Arts Mechanical and commented:
    Yes!!! Whatever happens to them, well It couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch. We got hit with them a while back and I blogged about it.


  8. I was curious about why they did such obviously (to me) fake stuff. Turns out these calls (and the letters) are a fairly efficient screening mechanism. Anyone stupid enough to bite is a real prospect. So, they get a lot of hangups to find the truly stupid, and they can get good payoffs out of these.

    Then, to add insult to injury, once Scammer A gets you, he sells your name/number/address to scammer B who tells you they’re working to get money back from scammers. If you just pay some money, they can help you too.

    Since you’ve already proven gullible, it’s worth it for them to pay to take another try at you.

    I think these bastards should be consigned to a special corner of hell where they regularly get introduced to the Barbed Cock of Satan.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Only after they’ve experienced the joy of a frozen swordfish sideways in real life.


    2. I think these bastards should be consigned to a special corner of hell where they regularly get introduced to the Barbed Cock of Satan.

      Alas, I really don’t want to rely on a likely-mythical afterlife to punish these fucks and all of their compadres in the “make everyone’s phone life miserable” movement.

      I keep hearing that phone calls are dying out, to be replaced by texts (I hope not; there are many many things one can do with a phone call that texting cannot handle; the two methods supplement each other), I am surprised there haven’t been a shit ton of spam spoofed texts. That would make life really nasty, because there’s NO way to stop accepting texts and have people you actually want to hear from realize (when you don’t respond) that it’s because you blocked texting and they need to try a different way to contact you.


  9. Got a bunch of calls and called them back. Launched into them as scammers and worse. Also left voice messages. For one number it died 15 minutes later.
    How people fall for this is beyond me


    1. With many of the scams the number is spoofed, you can’t call back.

      There are cases where people answer, are abusive to the caller…then find out later THEIR number just showed up on thousands of peoples’ caller id.


  10. Latest one I got yesterday, the voice was digitized. Used to be they were south Asian accents.


    1. I got one very threatening digitized call–which left a voicemail–telling me I was being sued, and if I didn’t respond they felt sorry for me for all the consequences that were going to land on me.

      THAT motherfucker gets beaten to death by a very small claw hammer, if I ever find him.


  11. My ex mother in law apparently got taken to the tune of several thousand dollars. My friend used to spoof even the legitimate retailers who would cold call and ask to install windows. ” Sure, come on out. Ur, I don’t have to get a job, do I?” ” Well, how do you pay your bills? ” ” Well, the old lady works, sometimes. She’s laid off right now, cause she told that fucken boss of hers she couldn’t be to work that early, every single day.” And on, and on, and on. Pretty soon, the woman on the other end of the phone would get the idea that he was shining them on and hang up mad.


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