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Don’t watch the new MacGyver if you value your sanity!

I was a fan of the original “MacGyver” with Richard Dean Anderson. I realize the character was the 80s version of anti-gun metrosexual, but I enjoyed the show. It was original, interesting, and interestingly enough, it didn’t take itself so seriously, that it tried to make you feel like a bad person for liking guns and eating meat.

That’s why there was this sixth sense tingling in my head that warned me not to watch the 2016 reboot of the 1980s show.

mcretardOh, dear sneezing fuck! Why the hell didn’t I listen?

Five minutes into this clown show, I was fighting the urge to punch my TV and murder the smarmy millennial twerp punk who somehow managed to get the title role! His urge to explain to the audience what a great and brilliant “secret agent” he is, how he’s got this team of badasses backing him up, how he’s this super genius, who has this super genius girlfriend who has won every science award but the Nobel at the ripe old age of maybe 22, who also happens to be a brilliant “analyst” for his ultra secret organization (and an evil mastermind) and his former Delta Army SEAL Special Forces Green Beret Recon gruff buddy.

Yes, please! Let’s assume the audience is stupid and we’ll be explaining even the basic scientific concepts in painfully boring detail.

Acting: bad.

Directing: worse.

Writing: worst.

Development: painful.

It’s like the producers of this dreck forgot how to do basic research.

Department of External Services? Really? Is that kind of like Sluzhba Vneshnoy Razvedki (The Russian SVR – its external intelligence agency)? Please kill me!

We need to find the virus, or there will be a catastrophe of biblical proportions!

You know what’s a catastrophe of biblical proportions? A badly-written, badly-acted, poorly-researched retread that assumes its audience is stupid and doesn’t even try to achieve a reasonable suspension of disbelief.

Final verdict: Nope. Nope. Nope. Nopity MacNope!

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70 responses

  1. Umm…the average TV audience IS stupid. With any luck, this will die and quickly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No they aren’t.
      Credulous producers believing that stupid trope is what causes all this drek to be pumped out in the first place.
      The shows that respect their audience’s intelligence (Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Seinfeld, etc.) are wildly successful and make tons of cash, while stupid trash like this gets cancelled midseason. But time and time again some pack of vain morons think they’re smarter than their audience and can just phone it in, “because hey, we’re smart and they’re dumb”.

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      1. “My Name is Earl” – FOUR seasons
        “Firefly” – canceled midway through first season.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. […] my friend Nicki put it on her blog this morning, there are few if any redeeming qualities to the new show. She hits it out of the park […]

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  3. To be fair, this show isn’t a tenth as dumb as Scorpion. Although any intelligence agency worth its salt when faced with a high level mole shuts down the operation and undertakes a thorough review…oh wait,,,in this show the just rename the organization and let the compromised agents name it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, I don’t know. I was able to get through a single episode of Scorpion without vomiting, so there’s that. LOL

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    2. Eh, it was just about even between the two for me.

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    3. Thank you. I thought I was the only one who can’t take Scorpion. I saw the first episode, and the facts were so flawed that I couldn’t watch.

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    4. I agree. Scorpions villains have better motivations. More care and thought is put in the characters than was here. Being how Scorpion is essentially cheese spread entertainment, this is not good.

      Don’t get me started on the girlfriend and how starting a super plague in the same city she worked in for years… Is stupid even if you are an amoral sociopath. After all, the odds are good of starting the next black plague type global situation. Even 5 million dollars isn’t enough insulation for something like that. She’d have the math skills to know exactly how stupid that is.
      The other motivation? “You get all the attention.” and maybe “bondage isn’t my thing.”

      The dialog was reminiscent of the old series, but the actors (save possibly Jack Dalton) weren’t up to it. But the plot was stolen from Deadpool, only Deadpool did it better. You don’t do that with your pilot.

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    5. Ok, so sue me, but I kind of like this show. But anyways, what the hell do i know? I’m just a 12 year old kid who happens to like the new macgyver, so what, hell, if u think it’s bad, that’s fine, but don’t go around spouting shit-ass stuff about the new macgyver, you’re going to fucking ruin it for all the goddamn kid who actually like it, sho shut your shitface and let us watch in peace!

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      1. Twelve? Hell, you write like an eight-year old with hemorrhoids! LOL

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        1. So you say.

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        2. As a professional writer and editor, what I say counts.

          Liked by 2 people

      2. Why does writing my opinion of something offend you? Suppose I tell you that in my opinion your comment was offensive (which it was) and that you should STFU. That’s what you said to me. Why should you have a right to state your opinion and I don’t have the right? Do you understand anything about the ongoing culture war? The Left has long believed in double standards and now the chickens are coming home to roost…those of us on the Right are tired of being told our opinions count for nothing and to shut up.

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        1. I was not talking to you, I was talking to the person who wrote the article!

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        2. That would be me, and you’re a fucking moron. LOL

          Liked by 1 person

        3. AND did you not hear me say I’m 12, how the FUCK am I supposed to know what the culture war is?!

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        4. And by the way, punkin. The way you find out about the culture war is by reading about it.

          Liked by 1 person

        5. Gina, don’t worry. This angst-ridden child obviously looks for ways to be offended, and the fact that someone doesn’t like its moron entertainment obviously chafes its delicate labia.

          Liked by 1 person

        6. *sigh* *thinks about how stupid these people are* *deletes website off of history so he’ll never go back*

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        7. Oh shut up! I’m not a fucking girl!

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        8. Oh, child. You are a sad little person! You can’t hang here, doll. The words used are too complex for you to understand.

          Liked by 1 person

        9. I know what every word you’re saying is

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        10. It’s too bad you can’t comprehend them when strung together.

          Liked by 1 person

      3. LMAO. 12 year old haz teh sadz. Demands world change for him.

        World says, “Fuck you. Stop watching shitty TV and Go do your homework.”

        Liked by 5 people

      4. Kid, as you grow up (Which sounds like it’s going to be a long and painful process), you will learn a couple of things.

        1. There are people out there with opinions different than yours. This does not make them wrong, it means that they see something different than you.

        2. Throwing out childish insults that have yet to rise above the level of Kindergarten level taunts with a few F bombs thrown at random times will not get you respect. It will get you attention but not the kind you were hoping for.

        3. Respecting your elders even when you have a difference of opinion is a smart thing to do.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Alright, this male (checks, yes, indeed male) bovine had a Martini. Then read of MacGyver. Then had another Martini (olives yummy!). Even (at least partly) snockered bovine figures he encountered less BS last time he had the “Screamin’ Hersheys” than that. Ouch. Gave up cable in 2009. No off-air signal. TV is not missed. If TV was missed, would need to work on aim.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Smart man!

      I have no idea why I gave it a chance. I should have known better.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Ya know what, screw it, tha hell with it, I’m done, you damn people can’t get a single word of what I’m trying to say through your thick heads!

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        1. Oh, we do. You’re a child who came to an adult site venting your tiny little precious feelings because someone doesn’t like a show that you do and has written about it. So rather than just writing that you disagree with the opinion stated, you tell me I should STFU.

          Here’s a life lesson for you, punkin. Opinions come in all types, and you have to be tolerant enough to accept that not everyone will like what you like. And that telling adults to STFU because they don’t think like you do shows you to be an unmannered, entitled snowflake who won’t fare well in the real world.

          Liked by 3 people

        2. Ok, ok fine! I’m completely fine with you saying YOU don’t like the new show, but I’m saying, don’t go around saying it in front of kids who actually like the show, just so you don’t ruin it for THEM.

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        3. Um, darling – I said it on MY OWN SITE. You are the one who came tromping over here screeching and screaming about how you’re offended. If one opinion piece ruins a show for you, you might want to consider your own strength of mind regarding this and other things.

          Liked by 1 person

        4. Because when you do, you ruin what they like.

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        5. So you’re SO weak minded that you are incapable of independently liking something if someone else expresses a negative opinion about it on THEIR OWN site? Got it.

          Liked by 1 person

        6. Eh …. school is about to start back up, and the precious little snowflakes will be back in the indoctrination centers where government minions will continue filling their empty little heads with bullshit about how speshul and wunnerful they are, and how the rest of the world must bow down before their awesomeness, and never, EVER, say a word contrary to their sooper-amazing opinions, no matter how derpastic they are.

          Liked by 3 people

        7. Yeah, Derpy the Wonder Spud here is pretty amazing. The entitlement mentality kills me!

          Liked by 1 person

        8. I leave for an hour to get some lunch and come back to…
          Nikki, I have to commend you on your patience and less of your usual colorful language, although I might have preferred more.

          Mr. Darksword — I know you are not a girl, most 12-year-old girls are more mature than 12-year-old boys. But, the comment I responded to was to me (at least it was labeled as such) and I responded a lot more politely than I normally would. You have come among a group of people, many of whom write (and/or edit) professionally and all of a decided right-ways bent. Many of us are older, and maybe a little more set in our ways than you, but that’s humanity for you If you had simply listed what you saw as positive aspects of MacGuyver, you might have had people disagree with you, but you could have disagreed right back and discussed your differences with those of other opinions. Except you are a typical progressive — the only opinion worthy is your own and others need to keep quiet about theirs. I have a sad feeling that you think that the rest of us are evil. You really need to spend the last days of your Christmas vacation researching “culture war” before it literally hits you in the face rather than rhetorically.

          Liked by 1 person

        9. Eh. Not really in the habit of tossing colorful language at kids – whether mental or chronological. I think my invective would have been wasted on that one! LOL

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        10. Note for future reference: if one little review on a single website is enough to “ruin” a TV show for you, that tells you that the show sucks. Because if the show didn’t suck, even the entire internet telling you it sucked wouldn’t be enough to “ruin” the show for you.

          Liked by 1 person

    2. TV is not missed. If TV was missed, would need to work on aim.

      Same here. I do own one, but I use it to play DVDs. Such as the five part Clint Eastwood instructional series on revolver usage. Though for some reason I haven’t been able to determine, he choose to do them under the pseudonym “Dirty Harry.”

      Liked by 1 person

  5. This gem of production has one positive thing about it: It’s better than the “Star Wars Holiday Special”.

    Barely.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Plot and set-up sounds like a shitty, piss-poor, low-rent rip-off of the show Burn Notice (which I think is rather entertaining). Hopefully this one will die screaming before a catastrophe of biblical proportions can occur.

    Glanced at Instapundit blog last night and saw Sarah had posted your 9-22-16 entry, Nicki. I happened not to have posted anything to that one, as you had nailed the subject and I had nothing to add. Probably my only chance to appear on Instapundit, blown like a Congress critter in an airport restroom. Could have been worse I suppose…at least it wasn’t the one where my contribution was “Does this pussy taste funny?” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL!!!! That comment was, in fact, comedy gold!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Nit: the dept of external services was part of the original show, so that’s less objectionable, I think.

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    1. I seem to remember they worked for an NGO, no?

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      1. The Phoenix Foundation

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        1. As of Season 2, he worked for the Phoenix Foundation. Before that, he was an independent, often hired by the Dept External Affairs as a troubleshooter.

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  8. Knew there was a reason to avoid watching it.

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  9. Thank you for saving me from this!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Saw the trailer for it a little while ago and based solely on that decided nope. It’s rare these days that I find anything I like. Longmire is cool, though, and I like Ray Donovan, but this McGyuver ripoff just left me cold. I used to be crazy about the original. Didn’t know anything about metro males and all that stuff. I was still in school back then. But I remember begging my dad for a Victorinox pocket knife for my birthday. Man, that was such a cool tool.

    You know what is funny? It feels like they’re making tv shows for dumb but cynical people these days, which is ironic considering that we have far easier access to information than we did 20 or 30 years ago.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I refused to get cable until the First Gulf War, when I gave in because there was war coverage. I THINK that’s why I didn’t watch MacGuyver the first time. I did, however, have a couple of distant encounters, when buddies would tell me how cool it was to watch him explode a bomb by putting chocolate into a hot frisbee or whatever. And I also saw a Mythbuster’s special edition where they tried some of his famous tricks. Which included wearing mullet wigs, a neat trick in itself.
    If the re-boot fails to understand that we all secretly desire the ability to make nerve gas out of fingernail clippings, shampoo, and a small packet of ranch dressing, they have nothing to offer.
    Oh: I trimmed my beard. Wonder what I can blow up? (blog has pictures)

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  12. And, sadly, I’ll probably be having to watch this barf-inducing show because wife.

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  13. Thank you for the warning. I’ve been laughing at the dearth of ideas coming out of Hollyweird for a few years now. I pretty much stopped watching modern TV last year, except for a few odd shows that I will watch if they are on. I much prefer the older stuff that is on the retro channels. I find that I am enjoying the .. innocence of those shows over the current stuff. (the good guys are good, the bad guys are bad).

    Liked by 1 person

  14. “Oh, dear sneezing fuck!”

    Query from sibling: What is a sneezing fuck? It sounds painful.

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    1. It’s the kind of fuck that gets interrupted by a sneeze and causes… uh… interruption.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Coitus sneezus interruptus? Well, that one thing that’s never happened to me while fucking.

        Woman to Friend: Every time I sneeze I have an orgasm.

        Friend: OMG! Are you taking something for that?

        Woman: Black pepper.

        Liked by 6 people

        1. Wahahahaha! Just nearly died laughing..

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      2. roflmfao

        Yeah, painful and embarrassing.

        Liked by 1 person

  15. Kill your television.

    Do it now.

    The ‘new macgyer’ … whatever the heck that is … is merely the ultimate blow to the brain cavity for those who haven’t yet realized that television is the “Vast Wasteland” that Newton Minow declared it to be back in May 9, 1961,

    Liked by 1 person

  16. You were too kind in your review. What a horrible show.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is the first time anyone has accused me of being kind. Wow! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That means you’re slackin’. 🙂

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        1. Or y’all are getting so used to me, that nothing I say shocks you anymore! LOL!

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      2. I have to agree. This doesn’t meet your usual standards of invective.

        (I used to think you gargled burning gasoline, red fuming nitric acid, or something like that every morning, just to desensitize yourself for the words that were going to come out.)

        Liked by 1 person

  17. Did anyone else watch and instantly detest the new show Bull? It’s the most aptly named debut of this season.

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    1. Didn’t have to watch it. When the ad was delivered to my Kindle and I saw Di Nozzo’s smiling face over “Bull: He’ll get you off.” I knew to run screaming.

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      1. Sounds like bad porn.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Ehhhh. No. But I was pleasantly surprised by Lethal Weapon. The guy who pays Riggs is pretty much an unknown in my book, and he’s wonderful!

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I tried to watch the original show, back in the day. Really, I did. I sat all the way through the pilot episode, and then another one later on.
    But they pretty much lost me in the opening scene, and it didn’t get any better. The “science” was just so appallingly wrong! Basically, none of it made the least bit of sense. I think the official excuse was that if they showed any real science, the network could get in trouble if kids tried it at home… but a lot of what they did show would have been horribly dangerous if tried in real life. Wouldn’t do the useful things portrayed on the show, but dangerous. Great.
    And then there was the perpetual luck of finding just the right combination of things lying around, and everything fitting. Really? Every time? If you or I were to order, say, a water pump for a car, specifying the exact make, model, engine, and vintage, the part that arrived would have the wrong bolt pattern, and yet The Hero routinely finds the stuff he needs, and unrelated things all just line up. Suuuuure.
    The new show is even worse? Thanks for the warning! (Though I hadn’t even been aware that there was a new show; not having an actual teevee leaves me out of touch with these things.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The original was kitschy and cute. It didn’t take itself seriously. The main character was at least charming and not a smarmy dick. This… Oh, dear god!

      Liked by 1 person

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