What I’m learning

Today is a bad day. I didn’t sleep, because for some reason, the ankle was absolutely killing me all night – even through the painkillers! And it was unbearably hot in our bedroom, despite the AC blowing full blast. I’ve never been in a cast before, and I’ve never had ankle surgery before, so I don’t know if this is normal – my ankle’s last hurrah before giving in to healing – like “OK, bitch. I see you’re going to heal whether or not I want to, so I’m going to give you one last night of agony before I surrender” or what, but damn!

I also discovered I don’t like this cast. It’s itchy, and I’m having a hard time imagining what will happen when it’s removed next week. Showering is a pain in the ass, but at least we got me a little stool on which I sit while taking a shower. But I can’t help but wonder just how disgusting my leg is under the cast. It’s got to be dirty, and since I’m not shaving it, I’m wondering if I’ve basically started growing gorilla hair under that cast. Also, it’s gotta stink in there, right? All these thoughts are running through my head as I await the moment they cut away my cast next Thursday.

Will the cast guy pass out from the stench?

Will they have to wear MOPP gear just to remove it?

Will the doctor get this horrible look on his face, like “OMG! What the hell kind of petri dish of hellish bacteria has been growing in there?”

How much leg hair can possibly grow inside a cast in two weeks?

I’m not sure I want to know. I just know this sucks.

I was so bored the other day, I ran across “Batman Returns” – the one with Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman that inspired thousands of gay men’s Halloween costumes. I watched it in Spanish. I don’t know Spanish.

Last night I tried to watch the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games in Rio.

What. The. Fuck.

It made me remember why I haven’t watched the games in decades. Weird performance art. Prerequisite lecturing on global warming from a country that couldn’t even clean the sewage, dead animals, and body parts out of its waters before the Olympic Games, prompting a warning for athletes to keep their mouths closed when competing on Brazil’s beaches.

Plus, knowing how corrupt the IOC is, coupled with the doping scandals, I’m over the whole Olympic Games thing.

baryshnikovThis morning, after failing to fall back asleep, it for some reason occurred to me that I had never seen a single episode of Sex and the City. I have no idea why I felt like I needed to remedy this, but HBO had Season 6 available On Demand. I fell asleep somewhere during episode 2, and woke up during episode 12 with that Sarah Jessica Parker character kissing Mikhail Baryshnikov.

It was slightly surreal.

Baryshnikov was definitely on my list – you know, that list of celebrities you have in your head whom you would hit like the hammer of an angry god? Yeah, that one. The legendary Baryshnikov was on that one. Was.

But you know what? Nope. Nope. Nopity Nope! Something about seeing him make out with horse face was so unappealing, that I had to take a Zofran just to get over it.

So no more Sex and the City.

Special Victims Unit reruns and dog snuggles will have to do.

17 responses

  1. I don’t know what kind of pain meds you are on, but in my experience (don’t cringe…I am not nor have I ever been a butter bar) most pain meds have no effect on muscle, tendon or ligament pain. Just a guess as to your ankle pain.
    My experience comes from 12 years of various narcotic pain meds for my back before I quit them all, so it’s strictly empirical observation.

    Can’t help you with the tv thing…99% of tv makes me nauseous so I mostly avoid it.

    Hang in there…you know it will get better (the ankle, not tv).

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  2. Interestingly, Kim Rhode was supposed to be carrying the US flag, but since she’s a shooter, they bumped her for Phelps…

    In 2012, she became the first American athlete, male or female, to win an Olympic medal at five consecutive Games in an individual sport.
    Only woman to win three individual Olympic gold medals in shooting (as of 2012).
    First Olympic shooter, male or female, to compete in all three shotgun events – trap, double trap and skeet.
    In 2016, became the first American to qualify for the Olympic Games in five different continents.

    Hate it when the USOC bows to political pressure…

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  3. Oh, lawsy! Not ‘Sex & the City’! ‘Burn Notice’. Much better eye candy. On the other hand, I can justify getting worked up over an older man like Bruce Campbell, who milks everything he can get out his role. Or if you want an angry, disenfranchised old fart, ‘Breaking Bad’.

    The cast coming off will not be fun. Mine was plaster, so it did stink when that nasty little buzzsaw cut through it, but it will be mostly the smell of unwashed skin not exposed to oxygen for some time. And a lot of ingrown hair. That should be fun.

    ‘Sex & the City’??? No, no, no! I could not stand that show. I can write my own slut stories! I have a ‘library’ full of movies to watch when feeling puckish. Nothing quite like watching the very first ‘Star Wars’ when Harry Ford was a younger stud, or reruns of ‘Farscape’.

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    1. I seem to have watched everything possible. Out of things to watch. And no, not watching Sex and the city again. No way.

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  4. At least your not the French gymnast whose leg snapped like a twig. That was disgusting.

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  5. Put up a comment here a bit ago about being in a leg cast for seven weeks. I became sick of all forms of (then) electronic entertainment except for some talk radio. I think this proves you’re still human. As for the itchy cast, baby power is your friend. Make a nice cloud as well when they cut the cast off. Hang in there, it will get better.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. For the itch, find a wire clothes hanger, stretch it out to a long skinny loop. You can get it inside your cast to kinda scratch, it’s not very efficient but it doesn’t tear your skin up.

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    1. You can also get one of those teapot spout cleaners, which are twisted wire with little bristles and a handle, and stick it down inside the cast.

      Nicki, I found out what happened to your old domain name. It looks like the Libertarians commandeered it to explain Communism to us drones. At least you know now where it went.

      http://www.libertyzone.com/Communist-Manifesto-Planks.html

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      1. Sara, not the same one. mine was http://www.thelibertyzone.com, which I managed to rescue for a year.

        It doesn’t exactly itch. It burns. Like someone is pouring lemon juice on the incision.😦

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    2. It’s not really itchy. Sort of more like a burn. It hurts like a bitch, but it’s more of a cross between burn and itch. I think that’s how it’s healing or something.

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      1. When I had my hip replacement, the incision burned, and I found out later that my closing suture was under my skin instead of outside so it could dissolve. If it still burns in a couple of days, let your doctor know. Hugs dear!

        Liked by 1 person

  7. For your viewing pleasure, and a very easy on the eyes man ( Timothy Olyphant) watch Justified all seasons. ” In the deep, dark hills of eastern Kentucky, is the place where I trace my bloodline….”

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  8. Ret. MSgt. in Pa.

    Two weeks and you’re wondering what your ankle will look like? Geez, girl, you should order some cheese with that whine. Try SEVEN weeks, dry, flaky dead skin all over the place, looks like something to be burned and buried.

    TV? Next Friday night, 9:00 p.m., PBS, The Great British Baking Show, Series 3 finale.

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  9. Tramadol, tramadol, tramadol….non-narcotic, nerve signal blocker. Works wonders for me in getting to sleep with that pesky L4-L5 bastard disc is barkin’ at me all day.

    How’s the Nursing Staff (read:Rob) holding up?

    Oh yeah, I got lost in the whole .com/.us issue and me avatar collapsed.

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    1. Rob is just fine. Brings me food and yells at me when I try to push it too much.😀

      I rescued .com, but for a year. Giving people time to adjust.

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  10. Having been a member of the cast party myself (broken ankle) for nine months the first time (very broken ankle), and then again for a couple of months after they took the plates and screws back out (yeah, that broken), it’s awkward and painful.

    You will get swelling under the cast. It has no room to swell, so it aches.
    You will get itching. Baby powder, or corn starch (same thing, these days) will remove moisture and help with the itching. The wire loop is also a good idea. Don’t use anything sharp as your skin will become more tender the longer it’s covered.

    Showering was a royal PITA. I eventually worked out a system of:
    Wrap towel around cast.
    Place a trash bag over entire cast.
    Tape top of trash bag around leg just above cast.
    (Remember to keep the area being taped SHAVED!!!!!)
    I got the cast removed every month or so for a progress x-ray, and to flex my ankle so the Achilles tendon didn’t tighten up from lack of use. The accumulated grime stank.
    I was very glad, after four months, to be transferred to a removable cast which I could take off for showers; started doing exercise in the pool at the Y.

    Anti-inflammatory pain meds should help.
    Make sure you eat a balanced diet. Protein and vitamin C will help rebuild tissue.
    When it’s blazing hot at night, wrap an ice bag in a towel and use that as a pillow.

    And rejoice in the fact that your imprisonment probably won’t be nine months.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nope! Definitely not 9 months. I expect to get back to work next week. Yes, in a cast. LOL

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