Mike Webb and the first rule of holes

firstruleofholesOne has to wonder how – after supposedly a couple of decades in the military – Congressional candidate “Fappin'” Mike Webb hasn’t learned the first rule of holes. After all, if one is caught doing something silly or embarrassing, logic would dictate one would not want to bring additional attention to said event, but rather shrug it off and move on.

The appropriate response to the faptastic fiasco of the pr0n tabs would have been, “Yep, I watch pr0n and spank my monkey. So does the majority of you dimwits. I should have learned to crop my screen caps, but hey, we all make mistakes. Moving on…”

But no…

Mike Webb is never one to admit defeat, take responsibility for his actions, or give up the fight.

First, he allowed the pr0n tab post to remain on his official (if you can call it that) Congressional campaign page for at least seven hours, allowing thousands of comments to accumulate.

Then, he followed up that fappery with a 2000+ word screed, claiming he was merely testing the pr0n sites for viruses and somehow implying that my husband Rob, the GOP nominee for the 8th District Congressional seat, and some other party leaders in the county were responsible for the viral load (pun intended) on his computer.

Then, he gave the Internet a virtual slug in the shoulder, delusionally thanking it for the “love and support,” as if the netizens were merely doing a buddy check, and all was clear! And in typical Webb style, the rambling included a bunch of Bible verses and a mindnumbingly weird allusion to leadership, implying that somehow he was one.

Lessons affirmed today include that we do expect our leaders to be examples of our highest ideals, but also, as we have seen for almost a year in non-traditional length posts, people are interested and motivated by truth and substance, not flash or even scandal.

Given the thousands of comments mocking and ridiculing his rambling screeds and his inability to admit anything was wrong, I find this particularly amusing. No one is your “Ranger buddy,” Mike.

But if you think the lunacy ended there, you’d be mistaken. Webb finally removed the first two rambling posts overnight, in an apparent attempt to calm the storm and divert attention to his wholly unprofessional behavior. But instead of letting a sleeping bear lie, he proceeded to post yet another 600-word screed filled with wild ramblings, accusations, and innuendo, claiming that the posts were removed due to comments others made!

That’s right, boys and girls! Webb didn’t remove the embarrassing posts. Facebook removed them, because others were making inappropriate comments! Nope, not him at all!

I don’t know if you were searching this morning for the notorious post that has now nominated me as Tab Webb, I was just as confused when I signed on this morning and found our page suspended pending approval for deletion of a the notorious post, not for the content of two tabs you needed a magnifying glass to see, but because of the comments from critics that failed to observe the social media guidelines. “See how dirty you are?”

Now we know why Mike Webb is so desperate to run for Congress .

Now we know why Mike Webb is so desperate to run for Congress .

Move along. Nothing to see here. Webb is innocent. He innocently had thousands of viruses on his computer that apparently prevented him from following FEC regulations. He innocently opened pornographic sites, because he was curious whether the 4000+ viruses could have come from those sites (here’s a clue, dude: your porn habit compromised your system). He innocently posted the open tabs, and everyone else simply assumed he was a porn freak! He’s innocent!

And in addition to all that, according to yet another incoherent missive posted last night, porn is OK. Not for him, mind you, but OK. He doesn’t believe in imposing his faith on others, so he’s OK with you fapping and would never try to use government force to prevent your fappage. Honest.

So, again, as a preacher’s son, my best guess is that that Lord would prefer that we abstain, but we are a country that champions the freedom of the individual to exercise his or her choice.

And, as an aspirant to public office, my “Lord” has to be that rule of law, even if, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

I actually happen to agree with Fappin Mike here. The government has no business sticking its proboscis into your spanking habits. What you do in the privacy of your own home is between you, your family, and your deity of choice, unless that habit somehow violates others’ rights or facilitates harm to others.

But my agreement is quite beside the point here.

This strikes me as the latest red herring in a string that would make the Fallacy Ref cringe.

The problem is not your spanking habits, Webb. The issue is not whether or not you surf porn. Most of us don’t give a crap that you like “sexy amateurs” or “tight booty.” The issue is that you attacked someone you considered a political adversary with a screen cap that unprofessionally left your very private habits on display for the world to see. And I do mean “the world,” judging by the overseas coverage your stupidity has caused. And then, instead of taking responsibility for the screw-up, removing the post quickly, and moving on, you proceeded to make excuses, hurl accusations, blame others, and continued digging the hole, despite it being painfully apparent to anyone reading your incoherent spew that you screwed up. Hard (pun intended).

You keep flogging your alleged “leadership” attributes and honesty. You end nearly every missive with “I am Mike Webb, and I am running for U.S. Congress. Honest.”

You are not honest, and you are not a leader.

An honest man would admit his error, apologize for the lack of professional behavior, and move on.

A leader would not try to blame others or make baseless implications about those whom he considers adversaries, but would take responsibility for his own actions.

An honest man would admit to having foibles.

A leader would learn from his mistakes.

An honest man would be realistic about what his diversions, obfuscations, and ridiculous lies have done to his reputation and political career and would try to fix those, instead of denying, dissimulating, and deceiving people about something that is ultimately just a stupid mistake.

But Mike Webb is none of the above, which is why he continues to ignore the first rule of holes.

14 responses

  1. “You keep flogging your alleged “leadership” attributes and honesty. You end nearly every missive with “I am Mike Webb, and I am running for U.S. Congress. Honest.”

    Seems that wasn’t all he was flogging.😉 Sorry, couldn’t help it. You just put that there for me didn’t you…lol.

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    1. Yeah… I know! LOL

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  2. But Nicki, Webb likes holes. It is a personality defect of *-holes! They dig lots of them!😉

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  3. Wow. This guy is taking so much shit on his social media pages, he must either have a super thick skin or be oblivious. More comedy gold from the peanut gallery:

    “You. Like. Tight. boxes and you have to lie. Running for congress is the reason why….”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He he. I dare you to write a poem! I’ll publish it too!

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      1. LOL that’s not mine. I pulled it off the comments. I’m not that creative.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I guess he could be using it as a way to increase his visibility a la ‘there is no such thing as bad press’, since he’s running independent he probably needs as much as he can get.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, but then he stands the risk of being “that masturbator.” People don’t remember shit about candidates, but throw in some dick, and it sticks in their minds.

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  5. The is the toughest question in the world, would you prefer him or Trump?

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    1. Just put a bullet in my brain and be done with it.

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      1. Glad you didn’t say “Put a gun to my head.” Under the circumstances that could be VERY ambiguous.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Nicki, you’re talking about this guy in way to serious a manner. That’s not the Nicki I’ve grown so fond of. (Yes, I ended that with a preposition. I’m a rebel that way) Unless there’s a danger he could end up in elected office I expect more dismissive ridicule rather than the serious tone you take at the end there.

    There! Now toss me out on my rear and tell me this ain’t my blog!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL Did you read the previous post? You might reconsider that!😀

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      1. Ok, I’ll reconsider.

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