Stop the election! I want to get off!
I realize people are sick and tired of the same old, same old. I understand that every politician who is promising change in Washington is almost certainly lying. I get that they have to pander to certain demographics. But why, in the name of all that is light and good, have they turned 2016 into a bloody circus? Why?
It started with the GOP clown car, filled up with so many candidates, I began to think that maybe the old Volkswagen bug would explode! Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson. Trump decided to get in the race, Carly Fiorina, Jeb Bush, Chris Christie! At that point I began to ask what that poor clown car ever did to deserve such a fate, but then came the “others.”
Santorum, who finally ended his disaster of a presidential bid due to his dismal support. Get a clue, Frothy! No. One. Likes. You. My personal disdain for that anal polyp came during the last presidential campaign, when he shrugged off his drooling supporters booing – BOOING – a U.S. Soldier who just happened to be gay, and who just happened to have asked a question about DADT. While downrange. Deployed. Serving his country. In a hazardous duty zone. They booed him. And that zealot not only shrugged it off during the debate, but didn’t even bother thanking the Soldier for his service, or acknowledging that booing at a deployed troop was a sucky thing to do. Survey says: DOUCHE!
Huckabee, who apparently still wants to change the Constitution to “reflect the word of the living God.”
Former Virginia Governor Jim Gilmore, who… I have no idea why he’s running, frankly. He wasn’t a horrible governor, but he has no campaign and no support. He only recently made an appearance at a debate, and at the “kids’ table” at that, and spent half his time complaining about the moderators not giving him enough time to yap. I think he may have gotten 12 votes in Iowa. Total.
Rick Perry, Lindsey Graham (the mad dwarf of the Senate who was only “running” to stop Rand Paul, apparently), Bobby Jindal (smart guy, but with the personality and energy of a toilet seat), Scott Walker, and George Pataki, who reminded me of the Cryptkeeper all entered the race, but didn’t get much traction.
The drama started early, with Trump leading the pack with stupid statements, narcissistic demands, a drama queen boycott of the Iowa debate, and ultimately a meltdown on Twitter about how he’s just not getting the recognition he deserves after coming in second behind Ted Cruz.
I don’t believe I have been given any credit by the voters for self-funding my campaign, the only one. I will keep doing, but not worth it!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 2, 2016
Apparently coming in second after the “anchor baby” from Canada dampened Trump’s enthusiasm for the White House. Trump’s gloating after the debate he chose to skip because he was too afraid of being asked tough questions when he was allegedly leading in the polls was shortlived.
“I think we’re going to do really well in Iowa. We’re leading in the Iowa polls. And Cruz is in the second place. He got really pummeled last night. I’m glad I wasn’t there. And they didn’t even mention that he was born in Canada,” Trump said at a speech at the Radisson Hotel here in Nashua on Friday morning. “So he got beaten pretty badly last night. And I don’t know what’s going to happen to him.”
Well, what happened to him, you narcissistic, spoiled rotten drama queen, is that he handed you your toupee-wearing ass, and the mini-meltdown you subsequently had on Twitter was the icing on top of a very ugly cake you’ve been baking since this insane campaign began.
The Iowa caucuses ended in yet more drama. Carson accused the Cruz team of spreading misinformation about Carson dropping out and demanded the staffer who did so be fired. I just love it when candidates make demands. Not. Cruz apologized. Carson accepted, but couldn’t resist one last swipe at Cruz, wondering whether there was a deeper “cultural issue” with the campaign.
And while I thought that he at least had some class left after his short, gracious speech in Iowa after Cruz was declared the winner, I was apparently too quick to judge. Trump has about as much class as a hairy, syphilis-infected testicle. Never to NOT take a loss personally, this screeching bag of douche has decided he will probably file a formal complaint accusing the Cruz campaign of fraud, because HOW COULD HE, THE DONALD, HAVE LOST IOWA? HE, THE DONALD, IS AWESOME! HE, THE DONALD, DOESN’T LOSE!
Cruz apologized to Republican presidential hopeful Ben Carson on Tuesday for rumors before the Iowa caucuses had finished that the retired neurosurgeon would drop out of the race, calling it a “mistake.”
Trump called it “one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen.”
“What he did is unthinkable,” he continued. “He said the man has left the race and he said it during the caucus. And then when clarification was put out by Ben Carson saying it’s untrue, they got a statement and they didn’t put it out.”
“They apologized after the caucus was over. How does that help?”
Trump said Cruz’s actions were tantamount to “voter fraud.”
Never mind that CNN’s Chris Moody tweeted out the following:
This apparently prompted the Cruz campaign to (erroneously) assess that Carson was ending his campaign. Cruz already apologized to Carson for the mistake, Carson admitted that his staffer did say he was going back to Florida, but Trump needs retribution, so…
Survey says: DOUCHE!
In the meantime, on the Democrat side, the Clinton and Sanders numbers were so close in Iowa, that rumblings have begun about fraud. NPR explains the details here, which makes it sound less nefarious than Berntards would have you believe, but hey, CORRUPTION! Sanders then tried to pull a Trump by threatening to pull out of the New Hampshire debate, unless the Clinton campaign agreed to MOAR debates! “I won’t debate unless you commit to more debates!”
Well, apparently that bit of fury has been settled as of this morning, and the Bernster will participate in the New Hampshire debate, if nothing else, to make himself look even more economically illiterate than he already looks, and that’s saying quite a bit.
Now, do you see why I want this campaign over with? I’m not sure I can handle any more cray.