Sometimes you just need to step back

I need perspective. This year has been a tough one, both emotionally and financially. I still haven’t been able to sell my house, thanks to the squatting, thieving forces of destruction that are the Coopers. We did go to court, and they do owe me damages and back rent and penalties for stealing my property. Whether they pay up or not remains to be seen. If they had any integrity, or were really Christians, as they claim, they would pay what they owe and apologize for destroying my chances of selling my property, considering it’s almost holiday season, and selling a house right now is near impossible. But any person that has sex with a kid, and any wife who stands by him… well, let’s just say I don’t have a whole lot of faith in their “integrity.”

Meanwhile, I’m still paying my own rent and my mortgage – 80 percent of my takehome pay! Try living on that!

I also owe friends and relatives thousands of dollars, because of all the repairs I had to do to the house after these so-called “people” trashed it. That child molesting freak actually tried to impugn my trustworthiness by bringing up a fundraiser started by my friend Amanda to pay for legal bills, as if the money collected for that cause negates their responsibility for wrecking my house!

The child-raping jackass David Scott Cooper asked me if I’d created any kind of charity to help me with the bills. I truthfully answered I had not. This was not my fundraiser. It was not created by me. And any money raised went to pay for legal bills that kid toucher and his hag forced me to incur with their actions! And by the way… anything that’s not used for legal bills is going to two charities: ASPAN and Fisher House. I will post both receipts after the donation is made, which will probably be sometime next month, as I need to ensure that no other legal bills associated with this slimy child-molesting swine need to be paid. He tried to bring that in as evidence, which the judge didn’t even allow as an exhibit. The judge rightfully said that even if I raised a ton of money, it still does not negate their responsibility for the damages they caused.

Lots of changes at work, lots of car repairs, lots of emotional drama, moving to a smaller place to save money (once again mostly thanks to the scum that are the Coopers) and my Danny having left for college.  It’s been a crazy year.

But it hasn’t just been a wreck of a year for me.

A good friend FINALLY sold her home after much trial and tribulation. I’m so happy for her and her husband! It’s a tough year to try and sell homes, apparently, so I’m glad they did it! She’s been an absolute wreck about it, and I’m so glad it’s over!

Another friend just lost her husband to cancer last night. Cancer sucks. It sucks so much! I’m devastated for her! I can’t imagine losing the person I love – the person with whom I planned to spend the rest of my life – to this nightmare. I can’t imagine her agony. I can only hurt with her and hope that her pain subsides with time. A bunch of us want to help her out, so for the next week, anyone who would like to contribute to help her get through this tragedy can make a donation through PayPal to This is not my personal account. I am not touching this money. I just want to share and help a friend in her time of need. On Monday, Nov. 23rd, the collection will be halted, and forwarded to this kind, sweet woman. I know the holidays are coming up, but I also cannot imagine what it will be like for her to spend the next week without her beloved. I feel sick about it. So if you can, please help!

eiffelfbI wept for the victims of terrorism in Paris – both after the Charlie Hebdo attack and after this recent one. My family is fine, and I just heard from my buddy. He and his family are fine as well. The destruction these goat humping terrorists have wreaked is indescribably evil. There’s a huge part of me that wants to destroy them – all of them. Screw the collateral damage! And then that human part of me takes over, and all I want to do is just cry.

That’s normal, I think. Right?

Some shitbag sexually assaulted a child in my building a couple of weeks ago. A child. How twisted do you have to be to find a 13-year old kid sexually appealing? I can’t imagine what goes through a kid’s head when an adult does this! It’s such a huge betrayal of trust and the destruction of innocence! It makes me sick!

I’ve also noticed friends and colleagues – people who I thought were part of the tribe, so to speak, just at each other’s throats lately. Whether it’s political disagreements, or just stress writ large, I don’t know. All I know is, I can’t stand seeing people I care about ending friendships because of stupid shit.

Evil exists, people. It exists in so many forms and in the hearts of so many people! Another office director and I were talking to our Deputy Assistant Secretary the other day about “The Walking Dead,” because he told us he wouldn’t watch it. We both think it’s a phenomenal show, so we were perplexed why the DAS refused to watch it. His response was, “Don’t you guys deal with enough evil and bad news every day at work? Do you really want to watch it at home too?”

I hadn’t thought about it. I guess if evil didn’t exist in this world, I would be out of a job. That said… sometimes it engulfs you. That’s when I have to shut down my computer, take a step back, and reevaluate.

I do have a lot to be grateful for, though.

My kids are amazing. My son is a constant source of joy when he texts me inspirational or goofy messages, or asks for fashion advice. My daughter makes me proud every single day with her integrity, her work ethic, her intelligence, her courage, and her heart! I have sweet, furry animals who cuddle up and love on me when I’m sad. I have amazing friends. My employees are literally top notch professionals. I told them today that there’s not a single office where I would want to work other than mine, because these guys are literally the most dedicated, most intelligent bunch of goofballs I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with! And I have a platform to vent. Right here.

I guess I’m just getting tired, because everything seems insurmountable today.


13 responses

  1. Paul (Drak Bibliophile) Howard

    Just some thoughts on watching “The Walking Dead” (which relates to why people read/watch horror).

    It’s not Real. If the evil “gets too much”, we can close the book or turn off the TV. We can’t do that to the evil that exists in the Real World.

    There are victories (in the better ones) in horror stories. The “Monster” from outside of the characters’ “every day lives” is defeated and gone. Even with a TV show like “The Walking Dead”, the characters win. Such they may have to fight the Zombies later, but they won this round. So many times, the evil that exists in the Real World happens and nobody seems able (or willing) to stop it.

    Sure there’s Evil in shows like “The Walking Dead” but it is easier to handle as we can turn off the TV & its gone. Plus we know that the heroes can/will defeat at least some of the monsters. [Smile]


  2. I have had many days/weeks/years like this, Nicki… even days when I thought I could not cope with ONE. MORE. THING! And yet, I managed somehow.

    You will too, obviously. 🙂


    1. I will. I have no doubt. Sometimes it just seems a bit… I dunno. Overwhelming. 🙂 I just needed to vent some.


      1. Venting is good. 🙂 We all need to do that sometimes. Just hope that encouragement from an old survivor will help. 🙂

        My mother used to say, “this too shall pass.” I never understood it when I was young, but now can look back and remember all of the things I survived… things I was sure would be the end of me at the time. They all did pass, eventually. And many were mixed with love, joy and growth as well.


        1. Oh, encouragement makes my day! I can’t even begin to express my gratitude!

          That’s kind of why I feel I need to step back. I do have a lot of good in my life. I’m alive. My kids are great. I have a job I love. Yeah, so I’m broke. Yeah, so I got taken advantage of by the lowliest of dirtbags. I got a judgment, so that’s something.

          I guess when it all hits at once, you have to wonder WTF.

          But part of why I write is so I can talk it out with friends like you all!


  3. Tke care. As they say, ‘this too shall pass’.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It will. It surely will. 🙂 It has to!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t have any encouraging words right now either, except to quote Sarah, “In the end, we win, they lose.”

    Take care. We need you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. There are times in life when it is one step at a time – one day, even sometimes, one minute at a time. Just know that your blog is one I check daily, though I comment rarely. Your contribution is something that makes my day. when the MSM is so full of leftie/ SJW oriented memes I need blogs like yours to assure me I’m not insane, not so different from at least some people in the world. Go well and I hope that you can find something good to focus on each day.


    1. Thank you, Hilary. People like you are part of the reason it’s so cathartic for me to blog. Sometimes I just write silly personal crap. Other times I vent. Ultimately, I write for me, because it makes me feel better, but at the same time I’m gratified that people like to read my brain droppings. 🙂 The words of encouragement are greatly appreciated!


  6. Speaking of Walking Dead, who else thinks Glenn is still alive?


  7. I believe Neil Gaiman wrote in Neverwhere that, “Events are like wolves; they attack in packs.” Seems to be true in your case. Take care, it will get better.

    Liked by 1 person

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