Uber Douche Wants New Type of Hero

Why is it that every time I want to stop writing on the lunacy of the SJWs, some lunatic forces me back into the half-baked cage of SJW psychosis?

Perhaps it’s because that sewer is an inexhaustible circle jerk of cultural Marxist jackoffery that will never run out of deviants. Or maybe I have friends who love to see my head explode at the stoopid.

Take this pearl-clutching schizo Damien Walter who writes about all things weird. He’s supposedly a writer of speculative fiction or something. He’s got one book on Amazon that I can find, with five reviews – 40 percent of them shitty. He’s also a favorite chew toy of one of my favorite authors – the International Lord of Hate himself Larry Correia – who accurately assessed a while back that somewhere in Britain a village is missing its idiot.

In other words, you know that whatever this uber douche vomits will likely be borderline retarded and somewhat ponderous. And guess what! He doesn’t disappoint – if by “disappoint” we mean dash our expectations that something incredibly stupid will come out of that stagnating, gelatinous mass of goo the Guardian newspaper thinks is a brain. It is, in fact, that stupid.

Walter spends the first couple of paragraphs in his latest screed in a wistful rumination about Conan the Barbarian’s pecs… or was it Arnold Schwarzenegger’s pecs? Regardless… you know he’s going to attempt to transform Conan into an irrelevant relic of white, male patriarchy, because he begins the essay with a nostalgic disclaimer about his latent desire to rape and pillage. He really LUUUUURVES Conan, but…

…the macho white male is only the fantasy ideal for a minority. As Lisa Cron argues in her excellent Wired For Story, the power of story reaches far further than mere entertainment. Our brain thinks in stories, but when stories don’t reflect our lived experience and our sense of identity, our brain will often reject them.

So there’s this thing. It’s called imagination. When a story is well written, the imagination lights up with ideas, with desires, with joy, with experiences that come alive from the reading! As Meg Rosoff observed – and was excoriated for – good literature expands your mind. It doesn’t have the “job” of being a mirror. But Damien Walter, as all good little howler monkey troops must, toes the SJW party line.

Now, I will admit, I haven’t read Ms. Cron’s book, but here’s a partial description from Amazon.

The vast majority of writing advice focuses on “writing well” as if it were the same as telling a great story. This is exactly where many aspiring writers fail–they strive for beautiful metaphors, authentic dialogue, and interesting characters, losing sight of the one thing that every engaging story must do: ignite the brain’s hardwired desire to learn what happens next. When writers tap into the evolutionary purpose of story and electrify our curiosity, it triggers a delicious dopamine rush that tells us to pay attention. Without it, even the most perfect prose won’t hold anyone’s interest.
     Backed by recent breakthroughs in neuroscience as well as examples from novels, screenplays, and short stories, Wired for Story offers a revolutionary look at story as the brain experiences it. Each chapter zeroes in on an aspect of the brain, its corresponding revelation about story, and the way to apply it to your storytelling right now.

I’ve also read a few reviews on the Internet and some quotes from the book itself. It sounds interesting, and it’s apparently based on heavy research in neuroscience and psychology. What I’m not seeing is confirmation of Damien’s claim that “when stories don’t reflect our lived experience and our sense of identity, our brain will often reject them.”

Cron seems to be discussing storytelling from an evolutionary perspective. “Recent breakthroughs in neuroscience reveal that our brain is hardwired to respond to story; the pleasure we derive from a tale well told is nature’s way of seducing us into paying attention to it.”

Tale. Well. Told.

Not a mirror. Not message fiction. Tale well gold.

Do we want to see more trans-women secretaries as the ones taking down the bad guys?

Do we want to see more trans-women secretaries… sorry… executive assistants taking down the bad guys?

Damien, of course, twists this concept into tossing the old muscle-bound hero stereotypes in favor of less traditional heroes, such as… well… you guessed it – minorities, women, bureaucrats, homosexuals, transgendered individuals, logistics officers, and others that aren’t generally portrayed as heroic. Because muscly, violent men are out, and dull, tax auditor-types are in (and it would be great if they were women and gay too!)

Hercules is out. Here comes Pajama Boy!

Forget Superman. Let’s see more HR specialists.

Red Sonja the tax auditor.


No thanks.

Damien apparently compensates for his lack of testicular fortitude and barely hidden, slithering envy of strong, masculine archetypes by projecting his inability to relate to fun, masculine heroes onto others.

Seth Dickinson is one of a growing movement of fantasy authors re-engineering older stories for readers who don’t see themselves reflected in Conan, Frodo Baggins or Luke Skywalker. The Traitor Baru Cormorant begins with one of fantasy’s most famous tropes, the hero’s tribe are conquered by an oppressive empire, and he must take revenge. Or, as in the case of Ms Cormorant, she. And how will Baru Cormorant bring down the empire that murdered one of her two fathers? By learning to swing a sword? No! But by becoming a civil servant.

Translation: I’m bland and unimaginative, and I can’t relate to burly, powerful heroes. Solution? Make heroes bland and unimaginative, and invent fun things for them to do, like… you know… keep inventory, run budget meetings, coordinate on EEO policies, and all that. And if she fails at this task, the world as she knows it will end! I also note the worship of worthless bureaucracy that seems to be present in many progtard circles is oozing into what these tools consider literature.

There’s a clear logic to the conceit at the heart of Dickinson’s novel. Lone barbarians, however ripped, don’t defeat armies. But politicians and bureaucrats can wield the power to topple empires.

Except politicians and bureaucrats aren’t fun storytelling; they mostly sit around, tap their computer keys, and bloviate a lot. And while scheming is interesting, it’s the execution, the action, the actual toppling of empires that keeps us reading. Remember that good storytelling thing Lisa Cron talks about?

Baru Cormorant is a woman, from a conquered people, who discovers she is attracted to other women, trapped in an empire that kills her kind.

I’m shocked. Damien loves the abused lesbian victim.

Her only chance to survive is to learn the Masquerade of lies and deception that power the empire, and beat it at its own game. Dickinson’s novel arguably pursues the same strategy as its protagonist, imitating the genre it seeks to subvert, and perhaps one day, topple.

You know… learning to subvert the enemy is fine, but what are you going to do with it? That’s where that storytelling comes in. Learning is fine. Filling out logistics forms incorrectly, not so much.

I also love how Damien immediately projects his own desire to topple what he apparently can’t match in intellectual, and I’d be willing to bet, physical prowess, onto Seth Dickinson. Apparently writing a novel about a lesbian bureaucrat taking on the system = wanting to destroy other types of heroes. It’s either/or in Damien’s world. Seth Dickinson’s heroine apparently cannot coexist with the strong, masculine hero types out there! There’s only room in this world for one or the other. It’s so typical of the SJW mentality: if it doesn’t agree with you, destroy it!

Additionally, as you will see shortly, Damien’s reference to Cron’s ideas on storytelling is a ruse meant to provide his idiotic claims with a glossy veneer of legitimacy. He doesn’t give a flying rat’s fuck about quality and storytelling, and he admits it.

Dickinson’s re-engineering of the heroic fantasy genre is not entirely successful. The Traitor Baru Cormorant has neither the heart stirring adventure of a heroic fantasy, or the political depth of a Wolf Hall. But in a field where too many writers simply retell the same old stories, Dickinson’s originality and ambition are to be applauded, even when he doesn’t quite manage to meet the narrative engineering challenges he has set in himself.

Here you have it, boys and girls. There’s no heart. There’s no stirring adventure. There’s no political depth. But see… Dickinson is original, because he wrote a book about a lesbian in a world where gays are apparently killed (’cause that’s never been done before; see: Iran, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Sudan, etc.), so that makes it all good.

Walter then heaps drooling praise on authors such as Michael Moorcock, Kate Elliott, and NK Jemisin for being oh-so-progressive, as if progress is somehow limited to writing disadvantaged minorities one has unearthed from the proglodyte-approved the Victim-of-the-Month club.

The fantasy genre has always contained a progressive streak. From Angela Carter and Michael Moorcock to China Mieville and Kate Elliot, writers have re-engineered older narratives for audiences who don’t share the traditional values of Howard or Tolkien. But as the values of our society shift, those writers are creating the new mainstream of the genre. NK Jemisin’s Hundred Thousand Kingdoms, Ken Liu’s The Grace of Kings and Ilana C Myer’s Last Song Before Night, among many others, joy in re-engineering the traditional fantasy narrative to create new kinds of story.

Notice once again, there’s nothing here about good storytelling, which he spent some time telling us was oh-so-critical by citing Lisa Cron. The only thing that matters is the renunciation of traditional values and characters. Not the story.

The story is what sells the book. The story is what keeps our brain hanging on, according to the same author whose writing he twists to support his ridiculous theories. The story is what matters. It keeps us readers turning the pages. It keeps our imaginations engaged, our emotions burning, and our loyalties to the author whose work gives us such joy! It certainly doesn’t matter to us, the readers, whether the author has checked a gay/trans/black/purple/queer box on some imbecilic conformist checklist.

But to Damien… Oh no! HIS story can’t be allowed to stand!

“See, this is the thing about history. His story. That’s all it is. The Old Man’s version of events, which basically the rest of us are supposed to accept as the undisputed truth. Well, call me cynical, but I’ve never been one to take things on trust, and I happen to know that history is nothing but spin and metaphor, which is what all yarns are made up of, when you strip them down to the underlay. And what makes a hit or a myth, of course, is how that story is told, and by whom.”

Cynical? No, this festering yambag is not cynical. He’s filled with that trademark progtard arrogant self-loathing that he projects onto innocent authors, who don’t conform to his version of those deserving of literary success, of those worthy enough to be read with heart and soul! Because in his freakish vision of literature, the hero is not strong, exciting, attractive, or entertaining. It’s a cranky cockroach, sitting behind a computer, filling out forms, and creating bureaucratic hurdles for those who want to actually do something, sullenly plotting the destruction of those it sniffily thinks have dominated long enough – Walters’ own little euphemism for the evil, patriarchal literary world he seeks to destroy and infest with puny, tedious pseudo heroes, whose mediocrity is the “virtue” he seeks to promote.

Perhaps that’s why this sniveling dick weasel can’t seem to write a novel without financial support from the government.


40 responses

  1. ” Or maybe I have friends who love to see my head explode at the stoopid.”
    I never wanted to see your head explode. Just new someone besides me needed to wade through that craptastic pile of feces and fisk the fuck out of it

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So, he’s praising a book about a Gramscian march through the institutions? Well, no wonder he loves it. It’s a power trip fantasy for the left.

    Well done, ma’am!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I haven’t read any of the subject’s book – and based on the length of my current reading list (growing faster than I can read, and I’m a pretty avid reader) I’m not likely to, especially with a review history like that. But there’s a grain of truth in what he says. And then he apparently buries that grain in dreck and gravel.

    One of my favorite heroes while in high school (maybe junior high?) was T.H. White’s “The Once and Future King”, the retold story of King Arthur. You kind of have to wonder about the future prospects of a protagonist known to his fellows as “Wart”, thrust into a kingship by a series of accidents and his own misbehavior and incompetence. (As I recall in White’s novel, he wasn’t even supposed to be in a place to be able to attempt to pull the sword out of the stone, much less succeed at it!)

    So in another novel, another story, “Wart” may have been something less than a king in the first few pages of the book. Perhaps even less than the lowest stable boy. Maybe even a civil servant or accountant (and you’d better not put down accountants in Larry’s hearing, I think!) … but he would have grown into being King Arthur because he was “a hero”. (Yeah, yeah … white and male, I hear that, but that’s who originated the legend, after all, and who rewrote the story. I wouldn’t mind a black, female or homosexual Arthur … bring it! If it’s written well – if it’s a good story – then I’ll read it and even recommend it.)

    I don’t mind seeing minor (or “minority”, for that matter) characters grow up to be better than anyone expected them to be, better than they could have expected themselves to be, but dammit, I want heroes (and heroines) who take on the mantle, who grow into the role, who deserve adulation for great deeds, courage undaunted (or failing courage but indomitable will to just … keep … keeping … on). I’ll take my heroes where I can find them, thank you very much. But I need to keep finding them somewhere, because I’m having some trouble sometimes finding that will to keep on keeping on. I need examples to emulate. I don’t care who they sleep with, either. I don’t need stories of civil servants who proclaim the greatness of being … a civil servant.


    1. Paul (Drak Bibliophile) Howard

      I’ll have to see if I can find White’s book because what you’re talking about sounds more like the Disney cartoon made from that book. [Polite Smile]


  4. The last part about “History” meaning “His story” is just an extra layer of pathetic. Basic research would have uncovered the root of the word but he probably would have broken a nail doing it. And from that, he would have written another whiny article.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s hardly worth mocking Damien these days… going hunting for dairy cattle….there’s no sport in it!


    1. You’re doing it all wrong. You go fishing for dairy cattle.

      There’s no satisfaction quite like reeling in a Holstein heifer on 3 lb test.


  6. He’s definitely one that promotes history as a dynamic shifting of recollections without merit. If history is subverted to this level, it becomes a tool, and few use the tool to demand critical thinking, personal responsibility and liberty.


  7. It appears that SJWs don’t want heroes that do not match their own race/sex/orientation. So we’re not supposed to either, apparently. What a shame, since even as a despised white hetero male I’ve long appreciated stories with strong female protagonists. Quite a number of my favorite series have heroines (Honor Harrington, The Deed of Paksenarrion, Wearing the Cape, Laurie King’s Mary Russell/Sherlock Holmes adventures. But apparently I’m not supposed to relate with any hero(ine) who is not of my race/sex/orientation.

    My bad.


    1. Sorry, Steve. But they can’t be strong. That’s a no-no. It’s oppressor thinking, so fall in line, maggot! 😉


  8. Thank God I know actual women who are strong, such as my mother and my girlfriend. Because if I had to base my knowledge of women solely on the feminist crybabies that occupy our universities and media, I’d consider all women to be helpless. Sensible people (rightfully) make fun of Pajama Boy, but many seem to give “Pajama Girl” a pass even as such women portray all females as helpless losers crushed under the heel of male oppressors. At this point most feminists are only half a step away from reintroducing the fainting couch.

    My mother was an old-school bra-burning feminist who thought (and demonstrated!) that women were the equals of men. She’d have smacked the whine right off these modern “victim feminists'” faces.


  9. I scanned for a minute trying to figure out where this was about Uber the ride share company.

    Listen, when using the German loan word, please use the umlaut. That word is spelt über. k thx!


    1. LOL! I would have if there was an option there to do so! Aber, danke fur die Beratung! 😉


      1. Umlautiness! 🙂 Danke schön!


  10. This ignorant hack thinks he has purely out of his own imagination totally invented the completely original character we’ll call “Lady MacBeth”. And he pats himself on the back for being such a revolutionary.


  11. This ignorant hack thinks he has purely out of his own imagination totally invented the completely original character we’ll call “Lady MacBeth” for no reason known to history by this special genius.

    And he pats himself on the back for being such a revolutionary.


  12. If I want to read a gut-gripping story about bureaucrats at work with no live-action, enhanced-pecs, chest-thumping hero, I can pick up ‘Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy’ by John le Carre, ANY day of the week. Or I can grab any one of Agatha Christie’s mystery novels, because I don’t care how many times I may read one, she still fools me every confounded time. I enjoy the discovery.

    it’s quite plain that these SJW twits don’t like being stereotyped, but they are perfectly willing to do it to other people.

    They’ll dismiss an excellent sci-fi novel like ‘Ender’s Game’ because it somehow voids their stereotypes – no pecs, no swords, hardly any action at all, no LGBT peeps. It’s just kids playing video games to kill off an implacable foe. But no stereotyping. Boohoos, all around. Or they’ll turn their myopic brains away from ‘1984’, which I read when I was 13, because again – no stereotyping, just good reading.

    It’s quite plain that the entire SJW scratching and pawing thingy is about getting to be the center of attention, not about doing the best job possible. This may be a side effect of an education system that gives you a prize for just showing up. Well, I can get those ‘showing up’ awards at a CFA cat show. I got dozens of them, along with the REAL awards my cats won for Household Pet.

    Competition is not something these overgrown children understand. It’s a shame that they’ve been brainwashed to think that way. They’re missing out on a lot of fun. But it is possible to take comfort in the fact that they, too, shall pass.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good analysis Sara. They’re just doing what they were taught, being squeaky wheels. The only thing that works in socdem paradise.


    2. Yeah Sara except the stupendously dimwitted dipshits of the SJW are using 1984 as a damn blueprint instead of heeding it for the warning it is.


    3. And this is where the SJWs fail in every aspect of what they do. Their world is SO narrow, anything that seeps in from the real world is disorienting to them. They do not know what to do with it. They do not understand the predator/prey aspect of life. I guess they don’t think it’s fair, or something, they will suffer for that failure to understand.


  13. Someone should point him the direction of “Gulf” by Robert Heinlein … or “Blind Alley” by Isaac Asimov or “Nothing Succeeds Like Failure” by Poul Anderson.


  14. Walter then heaps drooling praise on authors such as Michael Moorcock, Kate Elliott, and NK Jemisin for being oh-so-progressive, as if progress is somehow limited to writing disadvantaged minorities one has unearthed from the proglodyte-approved the Victim-of-the-Month club.


    Notice once again, there’s nothing here about good storytelling, which he spent some time telling us was oh-so-critical by citing Lisa Cron.

    There is something really telling about his failure to include storytelling as important while praising Moorcock.

    Moorcock wrote a lot of his most popular fiction with a broad outline supplied by The Lester Dent Master Plot Formula ( As I’ve seen pointed out elsewhere, even Elric, the sickly albino whose strength was maintained (poorly) by herb or (well) by an evil sword was still good at landing the ladies. Dorian Hawkmoon overthrows the Empire of Gran Breton by the sword to be able to get the girl and ride off into the sunset (more or less). Barnstable helped drop the first nuke on Hiroshima to end colonialism by not just the British but the Japanese in alliance with libertarian/semi-anarchists who all laughed at the communist in their midst.

    Right now Titan is republishing various Moorcock stories, mostly of the eternal champion type. Twenty-years ago White Wolf did the same thing.

    I bought some of the former and so far I’ve bought all of the latter published so far.

    Why? Because first and foremost they are fun to read. If you cover that hurdle then yes, Elric subverting tropes by being a sickly albino, has value. But that is because Elric is still a man of action willing to fight for what he sees as right. His alliance with his evil sword and his “disadvantaged minority” status are subversive because they play against a trope otherwise embraced. It is the trope that is speaking to Lisa Cron’s brain evolved for story. Without the trope the rest is just, as you put it, grey goo.

    The test of Elliot and Jemisin isn’t in their subversion of tropes. The test is whether, in 2045 and later (most of the relevant Moorcock predates 1980) people will think keeping their works in print (for some value of “in print” as defined by tech of the time) is worth doing.

    Most authors fail that test. Those that don’t seem to put story first and then use “subversion” to provide their unique spice to the dish.


    1. I liked Moorcock. Haven’t read any for a long time. Thanks for the reminder.


    2. The received wisdom as late as the later 1990’s was that you slipped your message or your “subversion” in under the radar.


  15. Reblogged this on The Arts Mechanical and commented:
    Damien get’s slapped upside the head.


  16. Oh, for the Love of Life Orchestra. If readers are only supposed to be able to relate to protagonists who resemble ourselves … well, how much fiction features Orthodox Jewish public librarians with wolf fixations? Just saying.


    1. Yeah… but you’re white, so you’re a no go at this station! LOL


  17. Out of curiosity, I went to Amazon to read some reviews of books this Walter thought so great. Apparently, the book “Hundred Thousand Kingdoms” – and important to the point here, the protagonist’s family is comprised of gods and emperors – has an awful lot of gratuitous sex in it and one of the reviewers remarked on that. One person who replied to the reviewer (he didn’t like the book either) said, “Another contributing factor to the speed with which I finished this book is that I quickly learned to recognize the coming signs of godly coitus and could skip ahead a few pages and not miss a single plot point.”

    Unfortunately, There was no mechanism to reply to those who reply to reviewers or I would have given him a big thumbs-up for using the term “godly coitus”. It’s a term I would fully expect to see Nicki use, and hope she can find some way to squeeze it in in the future.


    1. LOL!!!! That’s classic. I have no problem with coitus – godly or otherwise – unless it’s just there as the author’s masturbatory fantasy, rather than as a logical part of the story. It does happen. But the SJWs love that, because they think conservatives are all blushy and puritan about sex.


  18. “THE INCOMPLETE ENCHANTER” should be required reading.


  19. Your thesis of story demonstrates why the highest form of poetry is the limerick.


  20. Anyone who thinks Puritans were reticent about sex hasn’t looked at the sizes of their families. Families with a dozen or more kids were common.

    But then, it’s always been obvious SJWs are completely ignorant of history.


    1. Paul (Drak Bibliophile) Howard

      One thing that’s rarely mentioned about the Puritans is that a Puritan husband had a *duty* to sexually satisfy his wife and she could (and at times did) take it to the community if he didn’t.

      Worse than a matter of a “law suit”, the entire community would be on his case if his wife complained. [Very Big Grin]


  21. […] and has competent characters. But in an article which I can’t find, so I’m linking instead to a fisking – and a very good one, better than I have the mental power for – there’s a […]


  22. John Alden of Plymouth Colony (an ancestor of my girlfriend) had ten children (although his Priscilla wife did all the hard work).

    Yep, those Puritan types sure hated sex! 😉


    1. It’s not that the puritans hated sex. Within the marriage everything was fine, for the most part. It’s those pesky “lascivious carriage” laws that were pretty much anything remotely sexual that were the issue.


  23. No argument, Nicki. But can we honestly say today’s “anything goes” sexual mores are superior?

    Sex is great, but like all good things it needs to be done in moderation. Even the Romans knew that.


  24. My head is exploding. Uberdouche indeed. SJW=self-righteous Jacobin wannabes. Or SRDs=self-r*mming D-bags.


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