People who abuse animals should be sodomized with a splintery pike

Many of you will remember my friend Lauren, who rescued a sweet little beagle dog named Oliver. Oliver came to her with a whole host of problems due to abuse and neglect, and Lauren had asked for some help in getting Oliver healthy again. The fundraiser was a huge success, and all seemed well with Oliver.

But then something went wrong. Very wrong.

Lauren and her boyfriend found out that Oliver was much more viciously abused than they originally thought. According to Lauren, “I don’t know where to begin, but Oliver had to have x-Rays this evening. We discovered his hips are severely displaced, as well as his pelvic bone. He has severe arthritis due to this and will be on arthritis medicine for the rest of his life, unless William and I ever get in a financial state to afford a hip replacement. My heart is broken.”

The vet said that after having looked at the x-rays, it’s obvious that Oliver’s hip displacement and broken pelvic bone are due to blunt force trauma.

Get this – blunt. force. trauma.

Someone beat this little dog so severely, that he needs a hip replacement!

Oliver is in pain, and will have to take medication for it. The best course of action is a hip replacement, but both William and Lauren are students, and they can’t afford the surgery.

Not without help.

That’s where you guys come in.

I know I’m asking a lot, and you all have been beyond generous when my poor, late McGwire needed help, but as I said before – when you love someone, you’ll do anything – even beg – to make them whole again. So I’m asking.

I’m not asking for me.

I’m asking for this young lady who has sacrificed everything she has to help make her little furry friend well.

I’m asking for Oliver, who deserves a pain free life for once in his tragic existence.

Oliver 1oliver 2

Please just go to this GoFundMe site and help Oliver. Anything you can give right now – whether it’s $5 or $500 – will go a long way to helping this beautiful little dog and this kindhearted, generous couple.

As for the lowlife shitbags who abused this sweet, innocent creature who relied on you for his very existence – you’d better hope and pray to any horned deity I never find out who you are, because you will leave this world screaming and in much more pain than what you caused little Oliver.

I promise.



5 responses

  1. You find ’em, email me.


  2. I’d add “with a RED HOT splinters like!


  3. Should read “RED HOT splinters pike”.


  4. Believe me, Nicki, NOBODY loves animals more than I do! My ambition as a teen was to become a zoologist and a naturalist. Even my high school aptitude tests said I would be well-suited in the fields of park ranger or zoo curator. That said, keeping an animal alive that has little hope of EVER being able to live a natural, pain-free life is simply cruel–regardless of how precious they may be to those of us entrusted with their care. Spending tens of thousands of dollars just so a pet can be partially ambulatory–even though they’ll likely never be able to romp, play and be pain-free again is, in my opinion, a waste of resources for no really good purpose. Except for the 8 years I served in the military–mostly overseas–I’ve always had a dog and often a cat, too. AT one point, thanks to my daughter, we had a dog, cat, pet tree frog and a hairless rat in this house, all of which lived natural lifespans. One of the dearest, sweetest dogs we ever owned was our first Yorkie, who we had to put down because she’d reached her normal life-span and was afflicted with arthritis, a skin condition that caused her to break out in what looked like hives and drove her crazy, and an intestinal problem that the vet said was terminal. Her quality of life was NIL. We both cried when we held her as her precious life ended in peaceful sleep. It took us both nearly 7 months to get over the period for her–but we both realize that it was best for HER…and that was the whole point and why that option is available for pet owners.

    I agree that whoever abused that dear animal belongs in prison with “Big Bubba” as his cellmate for the next 50 years or so. Unfortunately, in this country, pet abusers get a slap on the wrist and are welcomed back into the NFL with open arms.


    1. I agree with you as a general rule, but in this case Oliver has a chance at a great life with a family that loves him like a child. Even with the broken him, he still hopped around like a loon for a while. The vet says he can live a wonderful life with a hip replacement. He’s a pretty young dog, and I don’t see any reason to put him down because of this.


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