What’s going on in Arlington? (UPDATED)

A friend of mine asked me that very question today when I posted on Facebook that I came home to find our trash container missing.

Yeah… really gross, smelly container into which we deposit our trash, and which is collected weekly on Thursdays.  It was put out on the curb last night. This morning it was still there when I left for work. When the Redhead came home and was walking Tucker, he noticed that our trash container was MIA.

I called the County, and explained the situation carefully. After all, this can’t possibly be a common occurrence, right? I mean, why the hell is there a demand for trash containers? They’re big, clumsy, plastic and stinky. I didn’t want the lady at the County to think I was nuts when I reported that someone had stolen our trash container.

Well, apparently, she didn’t think so at all, because it’s not a rare thing in Arlington. She very calmly informed me that we would have a new container next week, and this is not uncommon at all. It happens a lot.

Um… what?

There were a few bags of fresh Tucker poo in there. Tucker is a 183 lb. Saint Bernard. His poo is generally the size of smallish cattle. Good luck with that.

Welcome to Arlington – where your trash containers are fair game!

And then there’s the public masturbators!

Yeah, you heard me right. Apparently some guys aren’t satisfied with simply wacking their puds at home, so they’ve made it a public hobby.

Since August, there have been several public masturbating incidents.

Some dipshit was wacking it outside a Clarendon salon just last week.

Another one decided to choke the chicken at a laundromat.

And then there was the one with the shoes

And Dirty Sanchez… yes, I really did go there.

This seriously is a great place to live. I swear!

CRITICAL UPDATE: the errant trash bin has returned. Don’t ask me how or why, but it’s back. Someone dumped the empty bin into our front yard yesterday, making me think that the trash pick up guys took the damn thing for a joy ride. No matter. It’s back from its walkabout, and it’s no worse for the wear.

Now, if we could only take the public masturbators for a ride somewhere and leave them there!

5 responses

  1. And I thought all the wacko’s were in the District

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  2. Definitely a “WTF!?” moment there. I wonder if that is better or worse than acquiring all of the bins in the neighbourhood…
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/coventry_warwickshire/8094151.stm

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  3. T trash Tuesdays here…….. we have to provide our own garbage containers.
    No one here is bold enough to do that out doors – however a lot of girls like to show off their girls out doors n that’s OK with me – some how that is different!

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    1. We had our own trash container when we moved in, but it mysteriously disappeared. Go figure.

      Showing off your goodies is one thing. Rubbing one out in front of kids takes stupid to new heights!

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  4. Happened to us…what happens,with these new automated trucks with the arms that come down and npickup the container…if not grasped perfectly,the truck eats the container….then its adieu to mr container.

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