Mom enough?

OK, I have to say this.

MOM ENOUGH????

As a mom, I’m really kind of creeped out by this. Not that I don’t respect women who breastfeed. I do. There are very good reasons to do so.

It’s healthy.

It’s natural.

It’s easier for a baby to digest.

It’s a way to pass on antibodies.

I get it.

But when you have a kid who’s old enough to play little league, maybe – JUST MAYBE – that’s enough!

At that point, it’s no longer for the child. It’s for the mother.

It’s a way to keep a child attached and dependent on her.

It’s a way to boost the mother’s ego.

It’s an easy way out to quiet a fussy kid. He screams? Just shove a tit in his mouth!

It’s about the mother’s inability to let go and allow her child to develop and learn.

And for some mothers (yes, I know ones like this), it’s a way to avoid going back out into the world – a way to avoid working – a reason to stay at home. “Well, I can’t go out and get a job! My baby depends on me! I’m still breastfeeding!” Never mind, the kid is now taking karate lessons and going to school!

This chic attachment parenting bullshit has been making me crazy for years.

No, you don’t need to share your bed with your infant at night. He needs to learn to fall asleep on his own. He needs to develop a set schedule. And hell, you and your spouse/significant other need some damn time to yourselves as well. Trust me, you aren’t doing yourselves any favors by sharing your bed with your baby. Besides the risk of one of you rolling over and squishing him, you do need rest.

No, you don’t need to breastfeed a four-year old! He’s old enough to eat solid foods. He’s gotten about all he’s going to get out of your breast milk. At this point it’s about you, not about him!

Yes, you do need to allow your child to explore the world around him, without being constantly attached to you. That’s how they learn. That’s how they develop.

Yes, your precious punkin will survive if you don’t slather him in antibiotic gel and wrap him in bubble wrap! And no, you Munchhausen by Proxy-ridden hypochondriac – your kid isn’t fragile and sensitive to eggspeanutsglutenscornsyrupwhatevertheboogiemanofthedayhappenstobe, so stop treating him like he’ll break the moment he leaves your sight!

Seriously, folks. Some common sense please?

Yeah, I’m mom enough.

I am raising two intelligent, curious, courageous, independent, healthy children.

I’ve taught them common sense, logic, courtesy and personal responsibility.

Yes, I breastfed the Redhead, but I put him to bed when it was time, I set a schedule for him and I helped him become an independent human being.

Yes, I bonded with him. I sang him songs in a rocking chair at night before putting him in his bed. I played with him. I taught him how to do simple jigsaw puzzles when he was two years old.

But I didn’t force him to be dependent on me by keeping him attached to my breast until he could read.

I didn’t stroke my own ego by having a small human glued to me, vulnerable, with me as his security blanket and savior.

So yes, I’m mom enough.

13 responses

  1. Yep, I’m mom enough too! I survived weaning and have gone on to be a healthy human being, pretty sure my kids are headed in that direction too!

    Like

  2. Here comes a generation who won’t be able to cut the Mommy cord. God help their spouses. This is a mother-in-law problem in the making.

    Like

  3. The arrogance that these kids are more secure or more loved galls me. The kids I have seen who have these types of parents have been rude, selfish and spoiled. The rights of others always come second to theirs.

    Like

  4. I see we’re definitely on the same plane on this one🙂 You said it better, though, because the more I think about it, the more I realize it really is about that mother’s ego and the need to avoid the next step for her OWN self. It’s disturbing. And I second Klasko – god help this kid’s future girlfriends or wives. Yikes.

    P.S. I’m gonna send you email this weekend. I miss you.

    Like

  5. Im nursing my son, he is 7 months old. my situation is somewhat different. I have 3 other children, whom i nursed as well……but their father left last yr and we arenow divorced. he lives with the woman he left for, and she is trying to be me. anyway to get to my point, my son will bestarting over night stays in a couple of months(at his dads) he nurses to go to sleep. im afraid if i dont wean him, he will cry cry cry at his dads. but, on the same note, im afraid because of the other woman……trying to be mom, that my son wont be as attached to me if im not nursing him anymore. he is my best nurser and i love nursing. just dont want him to have difficulty wwhen he goes to dads falling asleep.

    Like

    1. I’m not a psychiatrist, a scientist or any kind of expert, but as a mom, I would tell you that keeping the child attached to your breast because you’re scared he’ll bond with someone else is a bit selfish. You sound like a good mom. As long as you’re good to your kids while they’re with you, talk to them, pay attention to them, love them, cuddle them, etc., you don’t need to artificially keep them attached to your breast. As I said, at that point it’s for you, not for them. There are ways to bond with your children without keeping them vulnerable and dependent on you, while at the same depriving them of their independence.

      My 2 cents, of course. YMMV.

      Like

  6. Can you imagine what these kids are going to be like when they grow up? Oh wait… I can…. they’ll go to expensive colleges and get bullshit degrees that won’t get them jobs. They’ll be living with their parents at age 30, complaining about how hard it is. Then they’ll blame it on Wall Street or some other hard working job creating buisiness.

    Like

  7. I nursed 2 kids for 4 years (5 others for under 2 years) and it didn’t have a thing to do with how much I liked it. You really can’t judge this unless you’ve done it. It’s not necessarily pleasurable or convenient for Mom. Does she look like she’s having fun? EGO??? Are you nuts? Do you have any idea what nursing for that long does to your body? When kids nurse at this age, they’re not constantly attached to you…you think he’s constantly attached to that chair? None of you can understand because you haven’t done it. It’s just a loving expression. A calming experience. I’m not sayin you’re wrong to not want to do it, you’re just judging something with no knowledge. Kids this age nurse for a minute or 2 and then are off and playing. Because a kid nurses past 12 months, he’ll never get a job? WTF?? My 7 year old who nursed for 4 years speaks 2 languages (learned in school) and writes her own music and verse. I think she’ll be ok. This is simply child led weaning….It’s really not a big deal…I’d rather see this than the hundreds of photos of abused, neglected, unloved, unfed children. And you know what’s sad…there’s more coverage on this than them. This practice is common place in many cultures. I’d refrained from sayin a word about this until I stumbled upon these comments…I’ve never judged anyone who decides to let their baby cry it out, fed them formula or canned processed baby food….I think you should open your minds. And don’t think I’m some ego stroking mom have a look at my blog…far from it.

    Like

  8. “Child-led weaning”? Clearly the child is more in charge than the parent. If Mom diesn’t like it, then put a stop to it when it ceases to be age appropriate. I guess that’s fine for a mom who has no problem being the child’s pacifier every time the child wants “nurse for a minute or 2” and then run off to play. There are other ways to calm a child than to pop a breast in it’s mouth. Cuddling without the breast is just as loving and calming. Attachment Parenting is another way to create little tyrants when they are not instantly gratified.

    Like

  9. “It’s an easy way out to quiet a fussy kid. He screams? Just shove a tit in his mouth!”

    Works on grown ass men as well. Just sayin’.

    Like

  10. Donna you’re missing the point behind the attachment parenting movement. It’s unhealthy, for both the parent and the child. It’s far more than breastfeeding at an age that most people may consider inappropriate. It’s never letting the kid out of your sight. It’s creating a relationship where each one is to dependent on the other, and that doesn’t just stop. If it hasn’t already become an unhealthy dependence then there is a very real chance that it will become one.

    Where is the Dad? How does he feel about having to share the bed with the child, and his WIFE? Want to take a guess as to who loses the most in a situation like that?

    Like

    1. When I said she doesn’t like it, I meant she isn’t doing it for herself. Child led weaning is just a softer, non-traumatic approach unlike like ripping the pacifier or bottle from him cause the doctor says to. It’s similar to interest based education, which works for many kids. This isn’t for you, yet shouldn’t translate to hostile judgement. It isn’t for a lot of kids either, most wean prior to this age, but why should those who don’t be criticized and have their future forecast with doom and failure?

      My 9 year old nursed for 4 years, is at the top of his class and one of the kindest souls I’ve ever met. And again, if you think I’m just some sappy mom, you can look at my blog…I’m the opposite. There are other ways to calm a child, this is one. Critics bash all types of child rearing techniques from bottle-feeding to Ferber Method to Tiger Moms, but I believe MOST parents are doing the best they can. I don’t necessarily agree with the cover title, “Are You Mom Enough,” because it sheds a negative light on moms who chose not to which is exactly what I’m against. Parents should support one another instead of ripping each other apart.

      My 2 grand babies are attachment parenting kids. That means my daughter wore them, never let them cry, nursed til they weaned and co-slept. They are now 5 and 2 year old, both independent, loving, curious, intelligent little boys who are allowed to be themselves. Maybe some attachment parent children are as you’ve described, but I spent years in homeschool groups with them and didn’t encounter many who behaved as you say. As far as dad, I’d think he’d be on board or the method would cause strife which would be counterproductive.

      Like

%d bloggers like this: