Monthly Archives: November, 2011

Religious nutbaggery at its worst

Listen, I waited tables and bartended my way through college. It’s not an easy job. It requires a certain amount of stamina and physical strength, as well as the patience of a saint!

Imagine you’re a college student, living on Rahmen  noodles and tuna. You hop a bus every day (not being able to afford a car or insurance for said conveyance), and you head to work after a day of classes. It’s a job where you’re lugging around heavy trays filled with either food or dirty dishes after said food is eaten. You generally have at least 4-5 tables at a time, with at least one of them occupied by either a) screeching, dirty kids, who think throwing food across the restaurant floor is a form of amusement or b) demanding shitbags, whose sad existence dictates that they must be obnoxious and shitty to those who serve them at a restaurant (read: those whom they perceive to be lower on the food chain than they are) to boost their fragile egos.

But you have to be nice to them. Know why? Because you’re working for a little more than $2 per hour, and the rest of your “salary” depends on how nice you can be to said trash, how quickly you can get their food, how accurately you can remember their order, and how satisfied they are after stuffing their faces.

So imagine your joy at seeing a $10 sticking out from under an empty plate!  Cool! A good tip!

You’re stoked until you realize it isn’t…


Not only is it not real, but there’s no real tip in sight, so it’s not a joke, and the reverse of this oh-so-clever fake is a cheesy attempt at proselytizing – sanctimoniously advising you to come to Jesus.

This is enough to make anyone who’s ever waited tables to make ends meet want to hunt these freaks down and shove that fake $10 up their… nose…

Not only are these people ungrateful cheapskates, but they’re also unctuous dickwarts, who think their “holy message” is a suitable substitute for an actual value for value exchange – money for service.

Granted, I don’t know the whole story. I don’t know if the person in this particular story was a crappy waiter.  And yes, the writer was excited about nothing more than being able to purchase a video game. So what?

As a former waitress and bartender, unless the service was truly horrible – so bad that I would consider demanding my money back from the management – I will at least leave something for the poor kid who’s running around all night dealing with hungry, sometimes rude customers.

These people not only left him nothing, but somehow were conceited enough to believe their little practical joke would warm the heart of the waiter whom they just defrauded with a fake bill.

No, this doesn’t give me a warm fuzzy about religious types.

I don’t take kindly to someone attempting to force their religious views down my throat – especially not while I’m trying to earn a living. And I certainly wouldn’t be swayed to find me some Jesus, if a jerk on whom I’ve been waiting for the past hour, bringing food, drink refills, condiments and ensuring they have everything they need for a pleasant dining experience left me a fake tip with advice to find religion.

And if you do feel the need to witness… if you do feel that you just can’t survive if you don’t attempt to “save” the person who is taking care of you as you gluttonously stuff your fat face, at least leave them something in addition to the preachy, worthless fake. Leave them a fair exchange for their labor.




It’s a Sunday. It’s a beautiful fall day in Arlington. Rob and I just got back from a wonderful brunch and a matinee showing of Immortals. Nothing in the world could disturb my peace.

Except this

Oneal Ron Morris, 30, was arrested Friday after an investigation by Miami Gardens Police and the Florida Department of Health.

According to police, the victim saw Morris in May and was injected in her buttocks with a substance consisting of cement, “Fix a Flat,” mineral oil and super glue.

I understand the desire to improve your shape. Squats, running, dance…

But Fix a Flat??


Super glue???

Carry on!

A special kind of retard

There’s little in this world that pisses me off more than worthless sacks of smelly refuse impersonating heroes. These maggots are in line right behind those who abuse children, animals and the elderly. They impersonate service members for glory, or free stuff, or street cred, or an ego boost, but they either haven’t served, served but couldn’t hack it, or exaggerate their service in order to make themselves appear more glamorous.

The guys at This Ain’t Hell have done a great job exposing (and ridiculing) these losers.  Some of these tools are just too ridiculous to exist!  Some of them are just so pathetic, it’s painful to read. Some of them, like this obese bag of syphilitic cocks, are so foul, they would actually don a uniform and impersonate service members on Veterans’ Day to get free stuff. This is actually a guy I would like to find and curb stomp until there’s nothing left of him but an adipose stain. It’s tough for me to believe that anyone would mistake this gelatinous lardass for an actual member of the military – past or present – but he claims he gets free food.  And from the looks of it, he eats it. By the metric fuckload.

Fat Bastard

And then there’s this sad bit of female flesh.

Apparently she’s a Lieutenant in the… sit down for this… SPECIAL FORCES!

Oh, yeah… this one’s a gem.  Let’s forget for a brief moment that there are no women serving in the SF, no matter what that GI Jane movie tells you! But she’s apparently an XO or something – at least that’s what her job description is, according to

Executive Officer.

The Executive Officer (XO) plans and conducts training and operations in foreign internal defense, unconventional warfare, direct action, special reconnaissance, and (if specially trained) counter-terrorism. He advises the commander on all matters pertaining to task organization and preparation/execution of operation plans and contingency plans from higher headquarters. Formulates policies and procedures, and prepares and issues battalion operations orders. Supervises all aspects of the battalion collective training and certification program.

Does that sound familiar? Especially since she didn’t bother changing the tenses of her verbs to make herself sound at least somewhat legitimate.

united states amry
Lieutenant, Special Forces

I plan and conduct training and operations for foreign internal defense, unconventional warfare, direct action, special reconnaissance, and counter-terrorism. I advises the commander on all matters pertaining to task organization and preparation/execution of operation plans and contingency plans from higher headquarters. Formulates policies and procedures, and prepares and issues battalion operations orders. Supervise all aspects of the battalion collective training and certification programs.

A closer look at the profile suggests that she graduated Yale, and studied International Criminal Law.  Impressive, isn’t she?  Except apparently there is no International Criminal Law course of study at Yale. And I think… don’t quote me on this, because I’m not sure… but I think you actually have to be literate to attend Yale.

Wow. This one’s a peach.

She might be the first person DOJ arrests after lying on sites like and Facebook become crimes.

The law in question, the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, has been used by the Justice Department to prosecute a woman, Lori Drew, who used a fake MySpace account to verbally attack a 13-year old girl who then committed suicide. Because MySpace’s terms of service prohibit impersonation, Drew was convicted of violating the CFAA. Her conviction was later thrown out.

What makes this possible is a section of the CFAA that was never intended to be used that way: a general-purpose prohibition on any computer-based act that “exceeds authorized access.” To the Justice Department, this means that a Web site’s terms of service define what’s “authorized” or not, and ignoring them can turn you into a felon.

I’m not even going to delve into the irony of a DOJ that wants to prosecute idiots for lying on dating and social network sites, but thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to lie to Congress about funneling guns to Mexican drug cartels.

I realize this daft bint likely thinks her little game is harmless, but I see nothing harmless in impersonating heroism and claiming valor that does not belong to you.

And ferpetessake, at least learn to spell “Army!”

h/t: This Ain’t Hell

Being prey is a choice…

The photos are undeniably Oleg Volk.

The story is real.

I damn every politician and every hoplophobe for endeavoring to disarm her! I’m sickened at the thought of those who say she should have waited for the police to arrive!

And I shudder to think there are people out there who would choose to die, or let their loved ones die, rather than use the most effective tool of self defense on the market today to take responsibility for their own lives.

h/t: David Codrea

Is it me?

Am I being overly sensitive lately, or has the world really turned into something hideous?

I mean, it feels like it’s raining down crap!

I know I should be grateful for what I have – wonderful friends, a terrific boyfriend, best kids I could ever hope for, a career that is so rewarding, I actually LOVE coming to work every morning, house, car, cats, parents, an awesome credit score… I’m grateful for all that. Really.

But all the good stuff in my life seems to be this huge umbrella that is keeping me clean as the shit storm comes down.

A legendary Penn State football coach is caught in the shower raping a kid. A KID! A child! And then proclaims his innocence and says that “maybe” he shouldn’t have showered with children. WTF? Why?

Zero squanders an opportunity to help create real jobs in the United States and to help increase our energy supply, so we’re not paying ridiculous amounts of money just to be able to get to work every morning. WTF? Why?

Parents are actually soliciting germs from strangers in order to infect their children in an effort to create a “natural immunity” to preventable diseases! Disease! From people they don’t know!  WTF?  Why?

Filthy hippies are infesting our cities. They don’t have a purpose. Some of them don’t even know what they’re protesting. Many of them are making demands that are so ludicrous, that they should be laughed off the national stage! Instead they’re being given media time, even as many of them demand that your earnings be stolen and given to them, and your hard work be appropriated and redistributed. They’re bringing filth, disease, crime and violence with them. WTF?

A good friend, who lives healthy, who is young and productive and vibrant and sweet, got cancer. Bad cancer (not that there’s any such thing as “good” cancer) that will prevent her from ever having children of her own – something that was important to her – and is making her go through hellish chemo. Why? I don’t get it. With no family history and low risk factors, how does someone like that get afflicted with something so horrible? She’s a fighter, and she’ll kick cancer’s ass. But I still don’t get it.

Another person, who I thought was a good friend, just cut off all communication with me. I tried to ask why. Several times. To no avail. No reply. Not even an acknowledgment. I have to assume it’s something I said or did, because this person is not the type to just toss a friendship. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’ve been wrong for several years. Maybe I’m a horrid judge of character.  I don’t get that either.

I can’t get over the fact that the pool of candidates for President is so pathetic for next year. I also can’t believe the massive corruption in Congress that goes unaddressed by the majority of voters. I can’t believe people are actually considering voting for Newt, who despite being smart, is also an odious prick who’s left two sick wives for other women, who spent time on Nancy Pelosi’s envirowacko couch, who was for individual health care mandates before he was against them… How is this possible?

Europe is on the verge of collapse.  So is our economy.  Nothing is getting better, and I anticipate it will get worse before it gets better. I’m pessimistic.

I’m pessimistic about a lot of things.

Just venting.


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