How many people would take the time and effort to perform corrective action for a cable company that can logically and rationally be compared to a cannibal or Stalin? Not a whole lot.
That’s why I so appreciate the full-page ad you took out about Time Warner Cable.
Did you know that on Yelp, Time Warner Cable has one and a half stars? That’s less stars than Jeffery Dahmer — who killed and ate people, maybe even had sex with their skulls (I don’t really know). Obviously what I’m saying is untrue, because Yelp does not review serial killers, but if they did, his babaganoush would be better than yours, if you both made babaganoush, even if his drugged and murdered people. Sorry that got weird. F**k you. I just made you read that confusing thing.
I interrupt my regularly scheduled vacation activities in Vegas to inform you that I’m still here, and so is Rob. And so are the thousands of people enjoying their time here in Vegas. There’s been no earthquake, no apocalypse, no graves being shaken open and no carcasses flying to heaven.
You know… just in case anyone was wondering.
We haven’t ruptured… or raptured. Although if “rapture” is to be described as a state of unbearable ecstasy, last night’s dinner at Spago could probably qualify.
I’m reading that despite the lack of any type of apocalyptic event, some dildoes, who have given up their homes, their worldly possessions and their careers in preparation for ascending to heaven, are still claiming they’ll be rapturing. Yep. At 6pm tonight. Never mind that it’s currently 6pm in Europe, and no one has disappeared.
Obviously, there are just no true believers – no good people in Europe who will be going to heaven. Europe is evil.
Mike did tell me that the last time this charlatan of a preacher predicted world apocalypse, there were idiots who actually went out and euthanized their pets in preparation. And yes, it’s true. Luckily this dumbass was stopped, but how many more batshit crazy assholes out there are killing animals to perpetuate their insane beliefs? There’s a place in hell for those who kill innocent animals for this bullshit. I have no doubt these assnuggets will be descending there post haste.
I’d be glad to help get them there. Really.
OK, back to food, fun and frolic.
Huckabee is not running for President.
Not that I thought that tool would ever win, but I have to say there are three GOP candidates who would make me not just vote for Zero, but campaign for him – Santorum, Huckabee and Gingrich. And while a jello wrestling match in a blue kiddie wading pool for the presidency would be amusing, especially with those three pasty vermin, I’m overall glad that one statist authoritarian dildo is out of the running.
I’m going to Vegas.
I don’t take vacations very often. My last trip was to New Orleans two years ago. The one before that was 2003. So Rob and I decided to take a week and fly West for some rest and relaxation. And no, we’re not getting married. Thanks for asking.
Michael Moore and Keith Olbermann.
There’s no way you can even be angry at anything these two Marxist morons say. Most of their bloviations are so ridiculous, you simply have to shrug and turn off the TV before yesterday’s lunch makes a repeat appearance. However, I think this is good news overall, because the more yammering “progressives” you permanently pile into Olbermann’s meaningless obscurity of a show, the quicker you expand the Field of Progressive Irrelevancy™.
Besides, you can’t tell me it wouldn’t be fun to watch the producers try to squeeze Moore’s bloated carcass and Olbermann’s gargantuan ego into one room!
While I’m not a big fan of Iran, I do believe in justice. And I’m liking the idea of this “An eye for an eye” concept.
Majid Movahedi, 30, is scheduled to be rendered unconscious in Tehran’s judiciary hospital at noon on Saturday while Ameneh Bahrami, his victim, drops acid in both his eyes, her lawyer said.
Bahrami who had asked for an eye for an eye retribution in the court, was disfigured and blinded by Movahedi in 2004 when he threw a jar of acid in her face while she was returning home from work. “He was holding a red container in his hand. He looked into my eyes for a second and threw the contents of the red container into my face,” she told the court in 2008.
I also think rapists should be forcibly sodomized with cricket bats dipped in hot tar, broken glass and rusty nails. And I think rendering this bastard unconscious is entirely too humane, since he did not afford the same courtesy to his victim.
Oh, and did I mention we’re going to Vegas?
Just got this in an email. Those of you who are in Texas – y’all need to get your asses in gear. Just sayin’.
The Open Carry Bill, HB 2756, is currently pending in the House Calendar Committee. This bill needs a vote on the House floor by Thursday, May 12th.
Please contact your Representative today and urge them to push for a vote on this important legislation. Contact info for all Texas Legislators can be found at <a href="http://www.capitol.state.tx.us
Please also contact members of the House Calendar Committee and request their support for moving HB 2756 to the floor for a vote
There is no reason at all a law-abiding gun owner, who went through the trouble of getting a CHL should be denied to exercise this right openly.
So restore your rights, Texans!
Do it now.