Action, meet consequence!

Back in the 1990s I was stationed in Germany at AFN Headquarters in Frankfurt. I did a lot of driving around the country – both for work and for pleasure. I hosted concerts, I lived in the barracks in Wiesbaden, I participated in public affairs events in Bavaria, and I traveled around seeing as much as I could. I heard things.

Back then, we were in the process of closing down bases. The Frankfurt military community had pretty much shut down by then, other than AFN. Rhein Main was to shut down a few years later. AFN Bavaria was in the process of moving to Vilseck. Bases had been closing all over the country, and I kept hearing how happy the Germans were to see American troops go, how they were tired of the American presence on their soil. How they wanted their property back.

Until they realized what they were losing.

American military bases were a boon to the communities in which they operated. American troops shopped the local economies, ate at restaurants, engaged with the local nationals, and patronized the local bars. They married German women, and many times built lives there once they left the military. The bases employed hundreds, if not thousands, of local nationals.

All of a sudden, calls for Americans to go home quieted down.

Wonder why? They badmouthed American troops and their presence on their soil, screaming for us to leave their country – UNTIL their wallets were affected.

Fast forward to the present.

A friend of mine tells me that a “friend” of hers told her that she “couldn’t tolerate my hateful viewpoints anymore” and that she “needed to remove toxic energy from her life.”

Care to take a guess why?

My friend is conservative/libertarian. Her buddy decided that since she didn’t comport with her progressive views, she no longer needed to be in her life.

Now, let me state unequivocally, my friend is one of the nicest people you could hope to meet. She’s not loud, nor is she obnoxious about her political views. She’s artistically talented – so talented, in fact, that when I see her work I literally gasp in wonder. She’s gentle and kind, and an ardent defender of freedom of expression and the free flow of ideas.

Well, you know what that means: the prognazis, who are out to destroy every view that does not exactly match their own, cannot tolerate the existence of dissent in their lives. Any free flow of ideas means they might be exposed to views that might challenge them and their ideas, and expand that ideological bubble in which they exist, and that just can’t happen. It chafes their tender labia. It’s abrasive to their fragile egos. It upsets their itty bitty apple carts. And that just can’t happen.

So, this “friend” unceremoniously shoved this kind, beautiful, sweet woman out of her life. She just couldn’t stand her “toxicity” and “hurtfulness.”

Until, she realized what she was losing.

Money. A client. Rent.


You see my pal wasn’t just in her life as a friend. She was also paying her quite a bit of money every month for a service this prognazi was providing. And while the prognazi’s service was apparently quite satisfactory, my friend has decided to seek similar services elsewhere.

All of a sudden, the prognazi was not only pushing out a “toxic” friend whose views she just couldn’t tolerate; she was losing a client – a client who was helping pay her housing expenses – reliably so.

All of a sudden, the attitude changed drastically.

The prognazi started begging my friend to return.


Hmmmm… how about you get fucked with a rusty nail-studded cricket bat!

That’s not how any of this works, Cupcake!

No, you don’t get to abuse someone who holds different views from your own and expect them to continue giving you their business.

No, you don’t get to be a jerk to another human being and not face consequences.

No, you don’t get to be intolerant of others, while siphoning their earnings.

No, you don’t get to stand on the courage of your convictions UNTIL it affects your bottom line.

No, you don’t get to act superior and berate anyone who happens to hold opposing political views, and then demand they continue giving you their business.

No, you are not entitled to your clients’ earnings after you treat them like garbage.

No, you don’t get to decide someone’s friendship is too toxic for your moralizing, smug existence, and then get upset when they pull their business from said existence.

No, you don’t get to decide another human being is too burdensome to have in your life based on their political views, and yet expect them to continue giving them your business.

Yes, you sanctimonious ass pimple, your actions do indeed have consequences.

Ain’t karma a bitch?


Professor will study Snowflakery

Mary Atwater, a science and mathematics education professor at the University of Georgia will be studying microaggressions. That’s right. You read that correctly. Microaggressions.

At your expense.

The National Science Foundation has awarded Atwater more than $200,000 of taxpayer money to study butthurt – perceived infractions by the perpetually aggrieved that allow them to claim others’ fault for their failures.

This “high risk-high payoff” approach to supporting new, exploratory work will allow Mary Atwater, a professor in the mathematics and science education department in the College of Education, to develop a potentially transformative venue for reducing racial microaggression, or the subtle, indirect or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group, in science education.

You see, promoting STEM education among minorities is insufficient, so this creature was awarded taxpayer money to find fault with white people for low minority participation in STEM fields.

Never mind that minority participation in STEM fields has been on the rise since 1991.

Let’s put aside the fact that the NSF itself acknowledged that one of the most effective ways to allay some of the apprehensions minorities have with regard to STEM fields is to provide coursework in middle and high school to give students a sense of what STEM courses entail at the college level.

Peter Arcidiacono, an economics professor at Duke University who has studied STEM degree completion rates, cited the need for a better sense of the workload involved with STEM majors.

“Students — both minority and not — don’t know that the sciences require more study time on average and give out lower grades,” says Arcidiacono. “Hence, many students start out in the sciences, both minority and not, but switch out.

“Those with worse preparation switch out at higher rates regardless of race,” Arcidiacono adds.

But no. Atwater seems to think that the reason for lower minority participation in STEM fields is because minorities are perpetually aggrieved snowflakes who apparently see racism and discrimination everywhere, and are failing because they’re just too upset to study… or something.

“This grant can have an impact on the number of African-American and Latino/a faculty members we have in science education,” Atwater claims.

Really? Handing her taxpayer dollars to study ways to to blame normal people for offending sensitive, perpetually aggrieved snowflakes – whether intentionally or not – will impact the number of minorities in science education? My guess is they’ll just find something else to get all butthurt about.

Hell, if I were a black or Hispanic person, I’d be offended by the mere suggestion that I’m too delicate to finish my studies because some white person unintentionally triggered my by asking where I was from!

But apparently, in today’s world, it’s en vogue to blame others for your failures – academic or otherwise – because no one wants to actually assume responsibility for anything.

Sure, it’s much easier to blame others for your shortcomings.

Sure it’s fashionable to play victim and demand compensation because of others who ostensibly didn’t take your precious feelings into consideration in the form of special privileges.

Sure it’s all the rage to blame your deficiencies on someone who offended your tender labia by assuming you were female, because your tits were falling out of your shirt, or someone who had the balls to show interest in you by asking where you were from.

But guess what! Creating blame for uber chafed cunt cakes’ failures to live in the real world and deal with other people as adults and getting taxpayer money for it? That’s a no-go in my book!

Public Service Announcement to Millennial Men

My buddy Jason this morning informed me that during a conversation he had with his hairdresser, he was told that more and more younger men are asking for their hair to be colored grey or with grey highlights, ostensibly to lend them more gravitas and make them look more distinguished.

I may or may not have looked at him like a confused Lab puppy before launching into a diatribe.

But, oh God it’s true!

Look, guys! You know what will give you gravitas? Experience, knowledge, skill, education, and awareness.

You know what will make you more distinguished? The way you carry yourselves, confidence, style, the ability to carry on a mature conversation without using the word “Bro,” accomplishment, and inner strength.

You know what won’t make anyone take you seriously, you man-bun sporting, sniveling, millennial douche cakes?


There’s no pretending to be sophisticated. You either have it, or you are a guffawing bro, who drinks craft beer because he thinks it’s cool, and who thinks the mere appearance of age is a viable substitute for experience, knowledge, understanding of the world around you, and actual expertise.

Don’t do it! For the sake of all that is good and right, refrain!


There is no treason!

Stop it. Just stop it! 

I get it. You hate Trump. You think he never should have been elected. You think he’s a terrible president, completely unsuited for the White House, and this latest revelation that he shared sensitive information provided to the United States by the Israelis to the Russians confirms your assertion that he is dangerous and should never be trusted with classified information. 

I get it. The glaring hypocrisy of Republicans cheering as former Trump National Security Adviser Michael Flynn led chants of “lock her up!” at the Republican National Convention last year for her spilling classified SAP information on unclassified email (something he inappropriately did himself in 2010 without authorization), even as they defend the current revelation about the information provided to the Russians, is a bit much. 

But let’s get something straight here: it’s NOT treason!

Stop screaming “TREASON” from the rooftops. It shows you don’t have a clue about the legal definition of the word, and it shows your lack of understanding about how classified information is released and declassified.

My friend Charlie Martin a few days ago correctly explained the meaning of “treason” as described in the Constitution. 

Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort. No person shall be convicted of Treason unless on the Testimony of two Witnesses to the same overt Act, or on Confession in open Court.

The Congress shall have Power to declare the Punishment of Treason, but no Attainder of Treason shall work Corruption of Blood, or Forfeiture except during the Life of the Person attainted.

Not a single report asserts that the President did any of this. He certainly did not levy war against the United States, and he certainly did not give aid and comfort to the enemy. 

He met with high-level officials from a country that’s admittedly an adversary, as is his prerogative as the leader of this country. We are not at war with Russia, even though we’ve certainly seen references to Cold War 2.0. And let’s remember one very important fact:

THE PRESIDENT IS THE ULTIMATE CLASSIFICATION AUTHORITY. As the Supreme Court ruled in 1988 in Department of the Navy vs. Egan, “His authority to classify and control access to information bearing on national security and to determine whether an individual is sufficiently trustworthy to occupy a position in the Executive Branch that will give that person access to such information flows primarily from this constitutional investment of power in the President...” 

Don’t believe me? Read the 2009 Executive Order 13526

Technically and legally Trump did nothing “improper.” The White House said as much, and that is a fact. He did not reveal sources and methods, and he did not endanger any military operations. 

Depending on what kind of information was revealed, it was likely ill advised, and it was probably obvious where it came from. It could damage our intelligence-sharing relationships. Reports are that the sensitive information about an ISIS laptop plot came from the Israelis, and that they’re not happy about the President’s unilateral decision to share it with Russia. 

The Israeli Ambassador, however, publicly lauded his country’s relationship with the United States. Fact is we just don’t know what kind of impact this will have on our relationships with other nations’ intelligence services – and won’t, because we will never know what they won’t share. 

We do know that in the era of WikiLeaks and Snowden and Manning, our own intelligence agencies are more loath to share information among themselves – one of the problems highlighted in the 9-11 Commission’s report. I can’t imagine our allies won’t have similar concerns. Manning’s leaks certainly impacted our efforts in Afghanistan and endangered lives. 

I can see our allies’ logic if they do decide to limit the information they share: the United States can’t even keep a pissant, sniveling private from bringing a Lady Gaga CD into a SCIF and copying classified information, and their President just casually drops sensitive information to an adversary; why should we trust them to safeguard ours?

That said, your puerile screeching about treason makes you sound like uninformed dolts, and the fact that he is legally authorized to release and declassify information, makes his conversation – no matter how ill advised – is not an impeachable offense. 

The more you vomit about reason and impeachment in this case, the more you sabotage your own credibility. 

So just STOP IT!

You might be a Trumpanzee

Last year I explained the difference between a normal Republican/conservative voter and a Trumpanzee – the shit-flinging, frothing, simians, who have no concept of policy, objectivity, or common sense, and who simply toss turds at anyone who voices disagreement, concern, or even doesn’t display enough love and adoration for the President.

…not the normal Trump supporters, or those who voted for him merely to keep the C-Hag out of the White House – but the smirking, shit-flinging chimps who think Trump can do no wrong, claim that any criticism of their deity means you’re a Hillary supporter, and insist on doing their smarmy little happy dance by rubbing their “victory” in the faces of the #nevertrumpers (those who chose not to vote for Trump), chortling about us eating crow or gnashing our teeth in bitter angst.

These are the same puerile shit swaddlers who called those of us who are ostensibly ideological allies “idiots” and “tacit Hillary supporters,” due to our refusal to worship at the altar of Trump. Any criticism or refusal to cast a vote in his direction was met with derision and the math-challenged claim that a vote for anyone other than Trump meant a vote for Hillary.

Today’s Trumpanzees are no different. Much like the hysterical left that shits its diapers at every single word 45 utters and refuses to acknowledge the positive things he’s done so far or simply misinterprets and outright lies about every act he takes, the Trumpanzee is the creature that creams its diapers at every single assertion the President makes – whether true, partially true, or false – swings its schadenboner around like a drunken frat boy, jumps into defensive mode every time it perceives an attack on its deity, has no concept of policy, and merely supports any and all policies 45 advances, because he happens to be the one who advanced them.

These are the people who have no actual knowledge of events, they have no comprehension of economics, foreign affairs, military affairs, or diplomacy. They toss their allegedly “conservative” values aside and twist like a yogi on meth in their frothing zeal to mold policies they would have never supported before Trump came along into something they can claim is a “victory” or a “conservative” value. They are also the ones who hurl ad hominems at their opponents, who answer every challenge with “Oh, you must be a liberal/Oh, you must have voted for Hillary,” and who accuse their interlocutors of suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome, because they had the unmitigated gall to be critical of the President.

Right Wisconsin editor Charlie Sykes recently penned a column in the New York Times, discussing anti-anti-Trumpism. If you don’t want to give the NYT a click, the meat of the piece is here. What is anti-anti-Trumpism? Well, to me, it’s a nicer way of describing the Trumpanzee.

Here is how it works: Rather than defend President Trump’s specific actions, his conservative champions change the subject to (1) the biased “fake news” media, (2) over-the-top liberals, (3) hypocrites on the left, (4) anyone else victimizing Mr. Trump or his supporters and (5) whataboutism, as in “What about Obama?” “What about Clinton?”

So I figured I’d give you my handy list about how to recognize a Trumpanzee – the frothing, dick-swinging, “WINNING!” lunatics who gleefully promote 45 merely because they “WON!” and despite the fact that the policies they may be promoting are the very antithesis of those they claim to espouse. To do this, I’m going to borrow Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if…” format for some of these, but if you recognize yourself in this list, you might want to engage in some introspection before engaging with others.

1. If your instinctive reaction to any criticism of the President is to hurl the “Trump Derangement Syndrome” (TDS) accusation, you might be a Trumpanzee.

2. If your loathing of the left and your schadenboner at WINNING overshadow your belief in liberty and limited government, you might be a Trumpanzee.

3. If your first response to a criticism of 45’s policies is to accuse your interlocutor of being a Democrat/Hillary supporter, you might be a Trumpanzee.

4. If you rationalize outrageous conduct and defend policies that clearly fly in the face of the conservative values you purport to uphold…

5. If watching the left’s heads “go splodey” is more important to you than advancing the principles of limited government and liberty…

6. If your reaction to opposition to Trump’s policies is an immediate attack on the person who voices said opposition or even death threats

7. If everything except for Breitbart, Gateway Pundit, Conservative Treehouse, Conservative Tribune, Young Cons, *insert any other “conservative” site here* is FAKE NEWS…

…you might be a Trumpanzee.

8. If you accuse the “deep state” of trying to sabotage the President by presenting misinformation, outright lies, or completely inaccurate/uninformed analysis by one of the above sites, you might be a Trumpanzee.

9. If you share positive “news” about the President without checking sources, merely because it strokes your turgid confirmation bias…

10. And if you refuse to read anything that might challenge your perceptions regarding the President, because it happens to be published in the Washington Post/NYT/*insert EEEVIL mainstream media source here*, and swear off any media – conservative, liberal, or otherwise – as soon as they publish anything critical of the President, but will gleefully share memes that don’t actually mean a thing…

…You might be a Trumpanzee.

11. If you cannot defend specific actions by the President, but choose instead to revert to the tried and true “Well, Obama…” or “Hillary would have been worse…” you might be a Trumpanzee.

12. If the liberals hate one of the President’s policies, and you automatically love and ardently defend it, merely because the liberals oppose it, regardless of whether or not it upholds the principles of conservatism, you might be a Trumpanzee.

13. If instead of defending conservative policies, you find yourself only saying things like…

“Trump is doing fine as the political weapon I voted for against the Washington Establishment!”

“While The Republican Congress is playing checkers, Trump is playing Chess!”

“I win!”

“FAKE NEWS!” in response to everything.

“…still infinitely better than Hillary,” in response to everything.

“…you would rather have Hillary…”

“You lost get over it and move on.”

“…your [sic.] bitter and upset that Trump won.”

“You have no clue what the art of the deal is.”

“Your [sic.] cluesless [sic.] how negotiation and leverage works [sic.]”

“Feels good to win. We won, you lost. Now sit down and shut up.”

“I don’t care. I voted for Trump because I didn’t want to lose the Supreme Court for the next 50 years. I didn’t count on him keeping any promises except for the promise to appoint conservatives to the Supreme Court which he will follow.”

“Would anyone want Hillary Clinton in office instead? Hillary would have been the death knell for us all.”

“They’re trying a coup! Obama Administration and Obama Loyalists still in the NSA, DNI and FBI didn’t get the memo about the American Tradition of ‘Peaceful Transition of Power.’ They were using their power for political ends, in conjunction with the MSM.”

But he’s draining the swamp!

…you might be a Trumpanzee.

14. If you accuse anyone who disagrees with the President of being a “leftard,” “leftist,” or of hating America, you might be a Trumpanzee.

None of these are plausible reasons to support bad policies, and yet, these turd bombs are what I see the Trumpanzees hurling when they can’t defend the President’s decisions.

And to be sure, there have been some good decisions so far. Gorsuch for the Supreme Court is, in my opinion, fantastic. Mattis, Kelly, and McMaster make up a competent, intelligent, informed national security team. Steven Mnuchin as Secretary of the Treasury is an informed, engaged, sharp principal. I applaud those appointments.

But I’m not giving him a pass on the “we’ll build a big, beautiful wall and make Mexico pay for it” promise – a wall which he now expects the American taxpayers to fund.

I’m not giving him a pass on the ObamaCare repeal or the reversal on ExIm Bank.

I’m certainly not giving him a pass on appointing Flynn as National Security Advisor and then blaming Obama for giving him a clearance, even though he had been out of government service for more than two years, and done a lot of engagement with the Russians, among others, as a civilian when he accepted the position.

Look, people, there’s not a single President who deserves your blind devotion. Not. A. Single. One. They are human, and they are hardly perfect.

And yet, we see rabid Trumpanzees hysterically attacking anyone who has the temerity to voice a critical opinion of the President – without any knowledge of economics, politics, military doctrine, or understanding of intelligence – just because WE WON, AND YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!

If you find yourself blindly supporting the policies of the President merely because they piss off the left, you are not doing yourself, your country, or your conservative principles any favors. By refusing to acknowledge when one of your own screws up or goes back on a promise, or making excuses for his actions, you’re doing harm. Real harm – both to the conservative movement, and to America. And if you’re defending actions that a year ago you found indefensible due to your conservative principles, you’re doing harm. Real harm.

We should hold all our elected officials accountable to the people, holding their feet to the fire for broken promises or policies that contradict the principles on which they were elected, and that is what should be important, rather than basing our judgments on whether or not the left is unhappy. If you fail to be objective because you’re so busy swinging your dick around about WINNING, you don’t deserve to win.

Allowing the left to dictate right and wrong based on their histrionic screeching is not particularly bright, and it reflects poorly on conservatives writ large.

We have a duty to be objective when it comes to our leaders. We have an obligation to question them when warranted. We have a responsibility to be informed.

I realize it’s a whole lot easier to just pop some popcorn and defend the indefensible just to watch the left’s heads explode. It’s certainly more fun than doing some research and actually admitting that your guy isn’t even close to perfect. I get it. You voted for him. You would feel responsible.

It’s much easier to deflect attention for a President’s failures to his enemies, and it’s certainly a lot more entertaining to simply ridicule the unhinged left than to face possible failures in the people for whom we cast votes.

And it’s certainly much more superficially satisfying to shove your fist down the “enemy’s” throat, while loudly proclaiming your WINNING! while pouring dirt on those who take the time to research and understand the policies involved, because they’re not jubilantly proclaiming the greatness of the leader you worship.

That’s not conservatism. The fact that the Trumpanzees are in the process of transforming conservatism into the turds they eventually fling at their perceived enemies is disturbing.

Cue flood of Trumpanzees engaging in some or all of the above behavior in 3…2…1…

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